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The Story of Awakening

awkening

You’re living an ordinary life in an ordinary world. You have good times and bad times - like everyone else - but you never really question it. That’s just the way life is. Then one day you feel unusually restless, and you decide on a whim to wander far from where you’ve always lived, to see what’s on the edge of your world. And there you find a wall.

It’s not a very high wall. In fact if you jumped really high you could probably see over the top of it. But you can’t jump. It’s like your insides are weighed down with concrete. And you never even noticed it before, but suddenly you feel so heavy.

But you are so intrigued by what might be on the other side of the wall! You wander along its length until you find a place where there are a few holes in the stonework. There seems to be sunlight or something like that shining through the holes. You excitedly put your eye to the nearest hole and what you see makes you gasp! You couldn’t even describe the sight if you tried, all you know is that it’s magical and beautiful and it makes you feel amazing.

Suddenly you think, “Oh my God, there is so much more to this world than I realized, I can’t believe I never knew!”

It starts getting dark so you head back home, but the wall haunts you. The feeling you got when you peeked through to the other side won’t leave you alone. The life you never questioned suddenly seems bleak and flat. You can’t stop thinking that this can’t be the ultimate destination. You lay awake all night coursing with excitement, because you suddenly wonder whether the whole purpose of your life is to get over the wall!!! Maybe that’s what you’re here for! And maybe you could bring more people with you, and everyone could experience a whole new way of life in that beautiful magical land that you glimpsed.

The next morning you call in sick for your job - because suddenly it doesn’t seem important anymore - and you trek back to the wall. Your excitement mounts the closer you get to it. You find the place again where the holes are and the sight you see and the feelings you feel bring tears to your eyes. You sit down by the wall and you cry and cry and cry. You can’t believe that you never knew there was more. And something about that golden light coming through the holes feels like it’s shifting that heavy concrete inside you. It doesn’t feel so permanent anymore. When you finally stand up you feel just the tiniest bit lighter.

As the days and weeks go by, the world you live in starts to feel less real, and the world beyond the wall starts to feel realer than ever. There is no inspiration for you in your old life. It’s like being on a treadmill, you keep running and trying and huffing and puffing but you never get anywhere. You start wondering why life has to be such a struggle. Why does everything have to feel heavy and hard all the time? You’ve had a glimpse of another way and it won’t leave you alone.

You try telling your friends and family about the wall and the paradise beyond, but they tell you off for straying that far from your land.

“What the hell are you doing wandering out there for, you idiot! It’s dangerous, you could have got yourself killed!”

Or else they start looking at you with suspicious sidelong glances, like you’ve come down with an unknown illness and they are wondering if it’s contagious. They don’t want to hear that there is more. They just want to keep living their same old lives in their same old world.

But that world is not yours anymore. And the more you connect with the new world, the less you fit in. You start feeling horribly excluded and your excitement starts to shrivel. You were all set to lead everyone to the wall and to have a massive party together when you all made it over. But no one wants to go. You feel very sad and alone.

Then one morning you wake up and you make a decision. This world is not for you and you are not for this world. It’s time to take your power back and go with this exciting new adventure, even if you have to do it alone. You quit your job and pack up your belongings, buy a tent and a camping stove, and you set off for the wall for the last time.

You set up camp where the holes in the wall are, and in the distance you can still see everyone else going about their days like nothing has changed. You still feel a little bit sad but you feel detached now too. You’re on a new mission, and you know you’re doing the right thing.crystalwind.ca

You peek through the hole in the wall again, and the feeling is even stronger this time! It’s like the land beyond the wall is congratulating you on your detachment from the old world. It’s calling you and celebrating you and suddenly you realize it KNOWS YOU and it LOVES YOU. The feeling is so overwhelming that you start crying again, and once more you sit down and cry your little heart out, for hours and hours. And once more you feel a little bit lighter when you’ve finished.

And so begins the chapter of ‘Camping at the Wall’. Every day you peek through to the world beyond and everyday the feeling gets stronger. And every day it makes you cry - sometimes you scream and yell and wail and beat your fists on the ground - and every day the concrete inside you lessens its load just a little bit. You feel like everything bad that has ever happened to you is happening again - you revisit feelings from your childhood and teenhood and it’s excruciating… but when the storm passes you feel better. There is pain and then there is relief. And you start to understand the pattern and you throw yourself into it, knowing that you are healing yourself and it is amazing.

The more you cry and lighten yourself, the bigger the holes in the wall get! This is such an exciting revelation, and it makes all the emotional agony worthwhile. You can see more of the world on the other side, and it’s so incredibly beautiful. Somehow there it feels like everything is easy and flowing. And absolutely everything is made of love. It’s magical beyond imagination.

One day some people from the old world come out your way and start yelling at you, telling you you’ve lost your mind and you need help. They look at your campsite and the isolated way you’re living and they judge you for it. They see you crying and hugging yourself and they try to cart you off to the mental hospital. But although it hurts, you stand strong and say, “No, leave me alone. This is my life and what I’m doing is important - even if you don’t understand.”

That same day you hear another voice. But this time it’s coming from the other side of the wall!!!! Maybe there are other people there!!! But when you stop and listen, it doesn’t seem like a human. It’s a voice of pure light, and it’s letting you know that you’re doing so well, and that it loves you. As the day goes by more voices appear, all giving messages of support and love. You feel like you’re getting closer.

One day you wake up feeling like you’ve cleared so much concrete from your insides, and you decide to try and jump. It takes you a couple of tries, but eventually you jump high enough to see over the wall!!! And it takes your breath away once again because there are waterfalls and meadows and rainbows there that you hadn’t seen before. It’s the most glorious sight you’ve ever seen.

But as you jump again you make a disturbing discovery. The top of the wall is covered with tangles of barbed wire. You hadn’t been able to see it before, and until then you believed that all you needed to do was get to the top of the wall and you’d be over - but now you realize you face a new challenge.

In that moment you feel so defeated, you wonder if you’re ever going to make it. You lay on the ground and bawl your eyes out and feel like dying. It’s no use, you’ll never be strong enough. You’ll get tangled in the barbed wire and never make it over the other side. You almost feel like giving up and going back to your old life. At least there was certainty there. Depressing certainty, but certainty nonetheless.

At that moment you hear a shout from further along the wall.

“Hey! You over there - are you OK?”

It’s another person walking along the edge of the wall towards you - and hey! He’s carrying a backpack and camping gear too! You start crying again with the relief of seeing someone who might understand what you’re going through, and the two of you run towards each other and launch into a huge bear hug, laughing and crying.

“I thought I was the only one!” the guy exclaims.

“Me too!” you say, and you sit down together and talk and talk and talk about your experiences of the wall. They are remarkably similar, even though the other guy has been in a completely different section than you. You feel totally rejuvenated by this new connection and you know you can do it now. You’re not the only one.

As the weeks go by, you see more and more people doing the same work as you - lightening themselves up so they can get over the wall. Sometimes you work together for a little while, but a lot of the time it seems like it’s something you have to do alone. But that’s ok, because you know now that you’re not really alone. You are part of a team, all working for a common cause. And although the locals from the old world still come and shout abuse and judgment at you sometimes, mostly it doesn’t affect you. You feel strong in your new united front. And you’re getting so light, you feel like any day now, you will be ready to climb the wall.

The day comes, and you wake up knowing that you’re ready. You know there are more challenges ahead, but you feel strong and able. You know you can face it, no matter what it takes to get through the barbed wire. There will be new methods to learn and new lessons to complete, but the loving voices on the other side of the wall are loud and clear now and they are cheering you on. You know you can do it.crystalwind.ca

It takes you a couple of hours to figure out the best footholds and handholds, and you fall back down a lot. You’re covered in bruises but you are DETERMINED. Today is the day. You know you’re going to get there. Finally as the sun is beginning to set, you make it to the top of the wall. You find a place to sit amidst the tangles of wire, and already you’re covered in cuts and scratches, but you whoop with joy at the victory. And the VIEW! It truly is heaven on Earth. The most glorious landscape is laid out before you; with sparkling lakes and beaches, soaring mountain peaks and lush forest valleys - all your favorite things. The sunset is dazzling and there are birds and butterflies everywhere.

And at the bottom of the wall is your cheer squad! They are like swirling vortexes of light - sometimes taking an almost human form, other times appearing to have wings, but most of the time they are just these bright blazing beautiful beings of LIGHT. And they are having a party in your honor. You can FEEL the pride emanating off them and it makes you feel invincible.

“I’M THE KING OF THE WORLD!!!” you yell (because you always wanted to have a Titanic moment and you reckon you earned it).

The next day dawns on your new life - the chapter of ‘The Untangling of the Wires’. As the sun rises you can see that the new land gets more magical the further away from the wall it goes. Directly on the other side of the wall it could almost be the old world - the best parts of it - but as you move further forward it becomes something else entirely. The sight is all the inspiration you need and you set about your new task with renewed enthusiasm.

You look down at the tangles of barbed wire, and realize that they have truly wrapped themselves around you in the night. You suddenly realize how uncomfortable you are, the wire is wrapped around your throat and body like a boa constrictor and it feels HORRIBLE. After becoming free of your concrete heaviness you felt so good, and now you feel like you’re almost back at the start once again. You feel stuck in a new way - not from heaviness this time but from these wire vines that cut into your skin. You sigh and try to remain positive but everything feels bleak for a moment.

Then you bend closer to examine the barbed wire strands. And you realize they have writing on them. Names of people you knew in the old world. Stories of the hard times from your old life. Sentences like “I am not worthy” and “I am ugly” or “I don’t deserve to be happy.”  Every single wire strand is covered with these strangling statements and they all sound very familiar.

It isn’t until you really examine them that you realize that these are the things you’d been repeating to yourself every day in your old life. The names on the wires are all the people who were mean to you or made you feel like it wasn’t ok for you to be YOU. You realize in that moment that you’d ALWAYS been tangled in these wires, it’s just that you could see them now. And you marvel at how you’d lived your life like that - with insides full of concrete and outsides wrapped in barbed wire.

“What a way to live,” you mumble to yourself, shaking your head. “No wonder I felt like I was never getting anywhere.”

At that moment you hear a happy shout from the old side of the wall. It’s a fellow Wall Traveler that you’ve met a couple of times, who’s been working at the lightening game for a bit less time than you.

“Oh my God - you’re on the top of the wall!” she squeals, her face lit up with excitement. “I wasn’t actually sure it was possible until I saw you up there!”

“Yeah it wasn’t actually too hard once I was light enough,” you call down to her, feeling happy and proud. “I know you can do it too!”

“I believe it now,” she says with an ecstatic smile. “Wow I can’t wait, I’m going to go and work some more on my heaviness now!”

You and the fellow Traveler say goodbye, both of you feeling renewed by that brief encounter. And you set your focus once again to the untangling of the wires. The more that you examine them and the stories they tell, the more you realize that none of the words on them are true. Or they are only true in the OLD world and your OLD life, but not in the new one. You suddenly feel a NEW truth beaming at you from the new world, and the more you connect with it the more the wires loosen slightly on your skin.

“So that’s the trick,” you say to yourself. “I’ve gotta fully let go of all my old stories and fully connect with the NEW truth.”

And so you set about your new work, constantly reminding yourself that you can do it, and being your own cheerleader as well as your squad at the bottom of the wall. And some days are just shit, and you feel more tangled and bloodied than ever, and you just sit there and cry. But it’s ok, because the despair always passes and you start again with renewed hope and determination.

Some days you cry again, but out of sadness for yourself. You see how much you handed your power over to other people and were the victim of other people’s manipulation and attempts to bring you down. You cry as you see the way you played small and shrank yourself to make everyone else comfortable. You see the ways you put everyone else before you and sold yourself short. You weep as you see how you swallowed stories about yourself that weren’t true and stopped valuing yourself as a result. You see all the masks that you had to wear and personas that you had to put on just to feel safe in the old world. And all the ways that all these things echoed out into your life and kept you invisibly stuck.

It takes a lot longer than you think it’s going to. Because although 90% of you wants nothing more than to be free of these wires that strangle you, 10% of you clings to them too. Because they are all you’ve ever known. And although you can SEE the new world before you, and how glorious it is, it is still unknown and that is scary. So you have to gently pick out the barbs and unwrap the wire stories, because if you yank them away you create wounds.

It is slow work but so valuable, and day by day you feel more and more free, and more and more YOURSELF. You realize you were never truly yourself until now, and that the world beyond the wall wants nothing more than for you to be who you really are.

“What a gift. What glorious freedom that is,” you think to yourself as you peel away another wire. “I really really hope everyone gets to experience this one day.”

Time moves on, and you feel a kind of maturity coming over you. When you look back on your life in the old world, you realize it was years ago that you left. You feel like you were so young and naive that day you set out with your new camping gear, and you smile with fondness at the memory. You feel like you’ve lived a thousand lifetimes at the wall, and you feel ancient and wise - while at the same time you feel you are becoming fresher and younger every day. It is a wonderfully contrasting feeling. You start to really savour and enjoy the journey, instead of always trying and trying to get to the other side as fast as possible. You feel so blessed that you’ve been able to have this experience and that you get to share it with your fellow Travelers - who you still see every now and then.

The day finally comes when you are sitting on the wall, totally free of the barbed wire that once absolutely strangled you. And your team aren’t cheering this time. They’d like to, but they’re all choked up. There is a reverential hush over the crowd, and it seems like even the birds and animals are silently watching with bated breath. Your team - with wobbly teary smiles - place a ladder against the wall, and you take your first step down the other side. Your legs are shaking, your heart is pounding, but it feels right. You look to your right and left, and see that a small handful of your fellow Wall Travelers are also embarking down their respective ladders. You smile at each other and nod in mutual respect, and slowly place your feet on the next rung, then the next, until you’re standing on solid ground.

Then all hell breaks loose. There are fireworks and party streamers and everyone is yelling and crying and cheering and shouting and hugging and dancing and it’s the most joyous mayhem. Music blasts from somewhere and food and drink appear out of nowhere and it’s one gigantic party. The ones still tangled on top of the wall watch it all, laughing their heads off with tears streaming down their faces. And the ones peeking through from the other side stare in amazement at the sight. It’s the best day of your life - no, the best day of your entire EXISTENCE. All that hard work, all that time and effort, it was all worth it. SO WORTH IT. And now you have this incredible new land to explore. You can hardly believe it has finally happened.

Over the coming weeks and months you do a lot of exploring, and what you find is beyond your wildest dreams. You can manifest anything you want in this new land, simply by picturing it in your mind. And soon you’ve built the house you’ve always wanted in the most stunning location, with a garden absolutely blooming with flowers and plants and all sorts of yummy food. Life is a magical fantasy but it also feels so REAL. The old world feels like the dream now. Like you were inside a virtual reality video game for a while and you clocked it and went home. This is HOME. This is the REAL world.crystalwind.ca

And you realize that you are still growing and evolving. The destination beyond the wall was only the first step, the journey continues inside you and outside of you. But now you’re growing through joy and love, not challenge and struggle. Every day you feel like you are the total embodiment of your most awesome self and it just keeps getting better!

But you are still drawn to the wall. Because the greater your new reality is, the more you wish that everyone could escape from their bad dream and experience it. And so you devote yourself to helping the ones who have ventured to the wall and are struggling to get up and over it. You don’t necessarily give them the answers, but you love and support them like your team did for you. And you know that just them seeing you there in the new world gives them hope and helps them know that it IS possible, and they WILL get there.

As more and more people conquer the wall, the holes become bigger and it starts to crumble in places. You all realize it’s getting thinner and suddenly you collectively understand the next step in the grand plan. The wall needs to come down, so that everyone can see what lies beyond their restricted reality. Everyone will still have to lighten themselves - as that concrete heaviness cannot exist in the new world - and they will still have to untangle themselves from their wire bonds, but it will be easier. They will have a much smoother time of it than the Pioneers of the Wall, and they will have a grandstand view the whole time of what the destination is - not to mention a hell of a lot of help and support from the other side.

The day comes when the wall is so flimsy and crumbly, it’s almost falling down of its own accord. And by now there is a substantial crowd of Wall Travelers in the new world, ready to push. As you all line up to bring about the final destruction of the wall, you realize there is a crowd on the other side too. The people of the old world aren’t shouting anymore. They are not hurling abuse and judgment. They are standing there, their faces etched with a mixture of confusion, fascination and hope. You recognize the expression from the first time you glimpsed a world on the other side of the wall. It is the dawning realization that there is more. And that revelation changes everything.

You shout out to your fellow Wall Travelers, who have a new name now.

“LIGHTWORKERS READY!” you yell. “And… PUSH!!!!”

The united force of all the Lightworkers launches itself against the wall and that crumbling stone comes tumbling down once and for all.

The new world is officially open.

I'm a free spirit on an exciting journey of self discovery and conscious evolution. I live in paradise with my gorgeous husband, I'm an outgoing-introvert and an empath. I value honesty and authenticity above all so you can count on me to speak my truth and say it straight. I love to write more than anything and it means the world to me that people enjoy following my journey. Thank you for visiting my blog and walking down this extraordinary path with me. I'm so happy you're here. Whangamata, New Zealand
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