A+ A A-

Are You Having an Emotional Affair?

emotional-affair

A soul mate relationship is based on trust, commitment, and a strong desire to be together. 

Still, despite this powerful bond, it’s also true that your hearts will be stretched in countless ways. The danger, especially during challenging times, is that you may be vulnerable to having an emotional affair. This can damage trust and stop you from surrendering to the growth needed for your relationship. 

What is an emotional affair?

I describe it as when you turn to a friend or co-worker for emotional (not physical) intimacy. The seduction is that this person gives you what you feel your mate doesn’t: support, ego boosts, empathy, playfulness, an undercurrent of flirting or attraction. Initially, this can seem innocent but you may begin to share more with this “safe” person than with your mate.

I understand how it can be easier to talk to someone sympathetic who’s more peripheral. You’re not wrestling with the same hot-button emotions such as anger or disappointment that can arise with a soul mate.

Your dark sides aren’t engaged which is what causes most impasses among couples.

However, if you keep sharing with your special friend and not your spouse, your primary relationship will suffer. You’ll become distant, less present, and therefore less able to resolve conflicts. Your partner will sense something is wrong.

Basically, these affairs are a form of cheating, and like any infidelity can lead to deception and betrayal.

In fact, research reports that about half of these “innocent” liaisons eventually turn into full blown sexual affairs. With a true platonic soul friend, there’s no deception, hidden sexual agenda, nor is anyone diverting your emotional energy from your primary relationship.

How do you know you’re having an emotional affair?

Watch for these signs:

  • You withdraw from your spouse but confide in your friend
  • It’s difficult to talk to your spouse about conflicts
  • You feel lonely and that your spouse doesn’t appreciate you
  • You’re frequently online with your friend, texting, or even sexting
  • You believe your friend understands you better than your spouse
  • You keep your friendship a secret from your spouse or lie about how often you interact
  • When you’re confronted with the emotional affair, you deny it.

If five to seven signs are present, it strongly suggests you’re having an emotional affair. Three to four signs indicate that you’re either primed to have one or you already are. One to two signs suggest the possibility of an emotional affair. Zero yeses indicate that you are not involved with one.

It takes honesty to admit you’re having an emotional affair. The first step is to recognize what’s happening. Then you have the choice to either continue the affair or decide to focus on your partner. The truth is that you can’t do both. If you choose your partner, you must surrender to doing what it takes to heal the relationship.

First, this means cutting off the emotional affair.

In a respectful, clear way you must tell the other person, “I can’t cyber-chat, text, meet up with you, or talk on the phone anymore. It’s not possible for us to be ‘just friends.’”

Then, openly talk to your partner about what’s causing the distance. Is it his or her long hours at work? A lingering hurt? Lack of affection?

Many therapists recommend confessing your emotional affair. In most cases I agree, but how and whether you decide to do this depends on what will be most caring and helpful to your partner. At the very least, I suggest that patients lovingly communicate, “I’ve been sharing my feelings more with a friend than I have with you. This doesn’t feel right. I want us to be closer.”

Or you can acknowledge that you’ve crossed a line and how far you’ve crossed it. Use your intuition as a guide for how much you want to share.

But be prepared for your partner’s hurt and angry feelings. Listen without getting defensive. Then, together or with a therapist, begin to address where you’ve grown apart or shut down. Despite great pain, soul mates have what it takes to withstand difficulty until things are resolved.

It may take time, awareness, and love, but with bonds as strong as these, I know it’s possible.

(Excerpt from Dr. Judith Orloff's national bestseller The Power of Surrender: Let Go and Energize Your Relationships, Success, and Well-Being
Judith Orloff MD is a psychiatrist, intuitive healer, and NY Times bestselling author. Her latest book is The Ecstasy of Surrender: 12 Surprising Ways Letting Go Can Empower Your life. Her other bestsellers are Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your LifePositive EnergySecond Sight, and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Dr. Orloff combines traditional medicine with intuition, spirituality, and energy medicine. More information at www.drjudithorloff.com.
Source Here

 

CrystalWind.ca is free to access and use.
"Please consider a small gift of $11.11 or $22.22 or $33.33
$44.44 or $55.55 or $77.77 or $88.88 or $111.11." 
ॐ Namasté - Blessings!
"Life is an echo, what you send out comes back."

© 2008-2020 crystalwind.ca. All rights reserved.

  Please buy us a coffee!
Pin It

Featured This Month

Page:

Big Winds Moon

Big Winds Moon

Cougar -  Turquoise -  Plantain -  Blue and Green February ... Read more

4 Lucky Stones For St. Patrick’s Day

4 Lucky Stones For St. Patrick’s Day

I always wake up on St. Patrick’s Day with a big, mischievous smile on my fa... Read more

Wolf Medicine

Wolf Medicine

Wolf is the pathfinder, the forerunner of new ideas who returns to the clan ... Read more

Birth Totem - Wolf

Birth Totem - Wolf

Birth Totem Wolf Birth dates: February 19 - March 20 Birth Totem: Wolf Cl... Read more

Bright Beltane Blessings!

Bright Beltane Blessings!

The wheel turns to Beltane, also known as Mayday, marking the beginning of S... Read more

Beltane Celtic Style

Beltane Celtic Style

Simple ways to celebrate the feast-days of the Celtic Year. The Return of... Read more

Pisces

Pisces

PISCES Feb 20 - Mar 20 Spirit: Search for security Ego: Unrealistic, com... Read more

Sun in Pisces

Sun in Pisces

Sun in Pisces February 22 through March 20 An Overview of Sun Sign Characte... Read more

Fluorite

Fluorite

The Focus And Study Stone Fluorite helps to assimilate ideas and informatio... Read more

The Ash Tree - February 18 - March 17

The Ash Tree - February 18 - March 17

Celtic Symbol : The Trident Or Sea - Horse Zodiac Degrees : 28º00` Aquarius... Read more

Plantain

Plantain

Plantain Helps you feel grounded Gender: Feminine Planet: Venus Element: Ea... Read more

Do you see 11:11?

Do you see 11:11?

11:11 Do you see it? For many years the numbers 11:11 have been mysteriousl... Read more

St Patrick - Ireland's Patron Saint

St Patrick - Ireland's Patron Saint

St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, is one of Christianity's most wide... Read more

Aquamarine

Aquamarine

The Stone of Truth Aquamarine can provide a significant boost to the immune... Read more

Beltane

Beltane

Beltane Ritual Celebrated May 1st Beltane is also known as May Day, Walpurg... Read more

Pisces Mythology

Pisces Mythology

The Mythology of Pisces By most accounts, the mythology of Pisces follows a... Read more

March 15 - The Ides of March - Should You Be…

March 15 - The Ides of March - Should You Beware?

Had it not been for events in ancient Rome, March 15th would be just another... Read more

History of St. Patrick

History of St. Patrick

Saint Patrick, The Apostle of Ireland, was born at what is now Kilpatrick, n... Read more

Spirit of Cougar

Spirit of Cougar

Spirit of Cougar Role: Leader Lesson: Proper Use of Power Element: Earth ... Read more

St. Patrick

St. Patrick

True history and legend are intertwined when it comes to St. Patrick. It is ... Read more

© 2008-2020 CrystalWind.ca. Site Creation by CreativeInceptions.com.
X

Right Click

No right click