If you’re anything like me, or any other American woman for that matter, in the back of your mind there is always the feeling that you are not doing enough, or saying enough, or BEing enough for those around you. I constantly berate myself for any karmic lesson I fall short in, or any tendency to not “live up to my potential.”

While I am all for expansion, the idea of “living up to one’s potential” can quickly become a trap in which we are unable to evolve because we are always thinking so negatively. An example of this might be the tendency to unconsciously create dramatic or chaotic situations and then berate oneself for being so chaotic or dramatic.

The tendency here is to follow old, familiar patterns that don’t serve, but which feel familiar to the brain, so old, so comfortable and so familiar.

If beating yourself up is an old familiar pattern, here are five ways to change a dynamic that doesn’t serve.

1. Observe Your Thoughts

Baby Buddha says…Observe Your Thoughts! Easier said than done, but by observing one’s thoughts we may stop the “Inner Critic” in his/her tracks. When he/she starts to rear her ugly head, we may say,

“No Thank You, you are not needed anymore. I know how much you helped me when I was a small child in dysfunctional scenarios, but now you are no longer needed. I would like to transmute your energy into that which only serves my higher self.”

2. Practice Loving-Kindness

Again with Baby Buddha! I recently endured one of the most challenging experiences of my life, where I had no access to any of my normal coping mechanisms, like blogging, drinking kombucha, talking to my plants, etc. I had no control over my environment, and really had to reach deep within to find that which would soothe me. I remember finding a bookshelf, and reaching for something that caught my eye, a book titled, “A Path with Heart” by Jack Kornfield.

“You hold in your hand an invitation: to remember the transforming power of forgiveness and loving kindness. To remember that no matter where you are and what you face, within your heart peace is possible.” - Jack Kornfield

3. Don’t Beat Yourself Up

“Living by principles is not living your own life. It is easier to try to be better than you are than to be who you are. If you are trying to live by ideals, you are constantly plagued by a sense of unreality. Somewhere you think there must be some joy; it can’t be all “must,” “ought to,” “have to.” And when the crunch comes, you have to recognize the truth: you weren’t there. Then the house of cards collapses.” - Marion Woodman

As anyone with masochistic tendencies knows, the nature of the mind can hurt ourselves, allowing us to take great pleasure in beating ourselves senseless! I call this voice in my head the “Violent Pusher.” He sounds a hell of a lot like my father and he is always pushing me to do better or be better or sit up straighter or look prettier. When I imagine how much untapped energy is available in this Violent Pusher I am truly amazed. And when this “Beat Yourself Up” thinking begins, we must go to great lengths to stop it in its tracks – to tell this thinking, “No! Go away, you are no longer needed here!”

4. Give Up Perfectionism

“Western civilization is addicted to perfection. We are taught from childhood to drive ourselves, to “make our best better,” to compete in ever-more-competitive arenas, never to be satisfied, but to keep raising the bar or level of standard that we set for ourselves. We operate in the belief that perfection is desirable, if not actually possible.”

Accept that you cannot control everything and that you really shouldn’t want to either. I’m not big into 12-step stuff, but the fundamental message of the Serenity prayer is as deep and profound as it gets. Accepting that which we cannot change is as necessary as breathing if we ever want to move on to bigger and brighter worlds and states of being.

5. F*** the System

“For the first time in history, men and women are seriously exploring the possibilities of relationships based on separateness rather than togetherness. Instead of clinging to Yahweh, to a rigid set of laws established by a jealous Father-God who will rant in fury if he is disobeyed, they are simply ignoring that ranting, walking away from it, and attempting to put their trust in the irrational. In other words, they are trying to live by the spirit.” - Marion Woodman

I had someone call me edgy and provocative the other day, and I thought about just how great of a compliment that truly was. If I’m not edgy and provocative, I’m not alive. So, I suppose the last piece of advice I have for anyone with a tendency to be hard of themselves is this: By whose standards are you judging yourself?

Here’s to a Happy 2015 free of judgment and full of Love!

Credit: dreamrly.com