Sometimes It’s Good To Be Anti Self-Help

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Sunday, 26 December 2021

Written by Amy B. Scher

Sometimes It’s Good To Be Anti Self-Help

(here’s how to do it)

Here’s the discussion I’ve been having with an author friend recently.

Self-help is good. But there is a tipping point where self-help begins to have the opposite of its intended effect.

When you dive too far into spirituality, “working” on yourself all the time, analyzing your emotions, healing, etc. you become consumed by it. And there is no way to get out of problems by making your life about them.

There is a huge conflict there.

We are not meant to spend our lives analyzing and “working” on ourselves. We are meant to use the tools and practices available to make being human easier and more joyful.

I have talked about this in subtle ways for years. It’s why I never recommend you do hours of energy work, meditation, or yoga a day.

It’s too much.

But almost no one gets this.

So I’m going to show you exactly what shifting this pattern looks like.

For one week, in whatever ways you are comfortable, become anti self-help by taking the pressure off yourself and embracing the joys of being mediocre.

Here are the rules for your holiday homework:

Refrain from trying to change anything for the next week: don’t try to fix your life, heal your body, or anything of the sorts. Give yourself a break.
Give up all the stuff you *think* should do for self-care
(yes, even energy work!)
Instead, without analyzing, pick one self-care thing you actually love or need the most
(and do that only)
If you read, don’t read self-help books (read anything else)
Rediscover the joys in TV, art, doing “non-productive” activities
If it won’t physically harm you, eat something that’s deemed “bad”
(sugar, carbs, whatever you love)
If you have permission from your doctor, take a break from non-essential supplements for the week

I’m going to leave you with an excerpt from my book, How To Heal Yourself From Depression When No One Else Can.

It’s possibly my favorite thing I’ve ever written:

“In Mary Oliver’s famous poem “The Summer Day,” she asks of us, What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? While the question can feel overwhelming to ponder, I hope that your reaction to it is not that. I hope that after our time together and the work you’ve done and continue to do, you now see things in a different light. I hope you have lightened up on yourself and dropped some of the sh** that has dragged you down. I hope, mostly, that you will keep feeling. Keep healing. And that you will go and live your one wild life, even and especially if it means sometimes saying no, finding your own quiet joy that no one understands, and giving a few less f***s than you ever have before.

AMY B. SCHER is an award-winning and bestselling author of This Is How I Save My Life (Simon and Schuster), How To Heal Yourself From Depression When No One Else Can (Sounds True Publishing), and two other books about human-ing and healing. She’s been featured in The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, GMA, CNN, CBS, The Los Angeles Review of Books, The Rumpus, and more.

Credits: amybscher.com