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Why Are We Too Afraid To Feel?

Why Are We Too Afraid To Feel?

We live in a time where the main focus of our society seems to be on the amassing of large amounts of money, buying extravagant things which most of us don’t use or later on will replace with other things which are also unnecessary.  Why do we do this? because we are fed the false idea that “we need to keep up to measure up”  but keep up with what and who?. ..

We are constantly living in a state of alert, comparing ourselves with others or pushing ourselves not out of a genuine place where joy emanates, but rather in a desperate attempt to feel we are being productive and “good enough”  to take space in this world.

The above scenario is quite saddening yet it is the reality for millions of people.  Millions go through life trying to determine their self worth by how popular they are even at the risk of putting on more masks.  Others live like robots, constantly pushing their emotions and feelings away because these are simply an “inconvenience” in their eyes.  Too many people think they are being successful when more and more they are less connected to their core and are well in their path to becoming “shells” of human beings. 

There is nothing wrong with money or technological advancement, the problem rises when those things have taken precedence and become the new “masters” in our lives.   A society so disconnected from their own emotions is not only a “mad”society but one well on its path of self destruction.  We are currently experiencing a society where those who fit the illness currently growing think they are normal, and those who “feel” there is something wrong with the way things are, are considered weak, weird, freaks, troublemakers, black sheep, you name it.

To be able to feel these days seems to be a risk test, an unimaginable threat…but a threat to what and to whom?… these are the questions are current society tries to stop us from asking ourselves.  More and more people are taught at school or through the media to hide their feelings deep within so they may not to affect their decision making process. Let me be clear that the one thing they don’t seem to explain is that in order to achieve a congruent decision; one we are less likely to regret in time; it is necessary to feel and then think.  Both aspects are connected, both equally important, and when those two work hand in hand we can make choices that ultimately lead us to clearer perspectives.  Better perspectives provides us with better choices which lead to better lives; where we do not sacrifice who we are in exchange for the material or false acceptance.  Better perspectives provides us with the ability to become the masters of our lives instead of being servants to the things we own and to the people who seem to “accept us” without really knowing who we are.

To have a clear perspective where our heart and mind are in congruency is to have real power, something that seems to be a threat these days.  We are taught that thinking is good yet we are not taught critical thinking, instead we are fed repetitive thinking; no different than low end machines.  We talk about feelings yet don’t stop to actually feel, as such when a situation arises, we respond only from pure knee jerk intellect, unable to relate. We think we feel but we can’t understand something we don’t relate to.

We find ourselves in a world where kids are taught that to feel is to accept an ideology of what feelings are yet we over shelter them from their emotions because we are afraid to be considered “bad parents”.   Then we end up with adolescents who think love means anything goes, which only teaches them that love is stupid and painful instead of learning that real loves has its challenges (confronting shadows) but is healing (growth).

More and more I witness a growth in numbers among young adults who are too afraid to be vulnerable.  It seems they’ve tried to express their emotions. They tried to show us who they are yet our society shuts them down because we are too busy; the result?…kids who think its best to simply focus on careers and have one night stands or casual relationships.   Later on they will become adults who stay in relationships which mean nothing to them in exchange for comfort or simply because they are too afraid to disrupt the status quo; too afraid to destroy the fake label or fake reputation which they have tried so hard to build instead of actually working on their relationship.  Few of them will eventually develop the courage to look in and realize that life isn’t just about frivolities or reputation, but about living it in a way that fosters growth and makes them genuinely happy.  The saddest group however are the elderly who look tire, angry or depressed.  Lonely or alone because they let their whole life go by; they lived within a rat maze trying to keep up but never took the time to stop and ask themselves the important questions:  Who am I?  What do I really want?  What makes me happy?  What do I get lost on doing?  Am I not worth a love that heals? What am I here to do?.   Instead they are often in senior homes waiting to be visited by those who they left behind emotionally in order to provide; the same people who now are too busy “building” their lives; just the way they were taught.

When I see the number of people attempting suicide grow every year, or those who have “master” the art of talking over “text”, phone, internet or social crowds yet come to seek advice because they lack the ability to truly communicate one on one; I ask myself at what moment in life did we decide to leave our emotions and feelings behind?  At what moment did we choose to stop listening to our spirit and simply turn our heart into another muscle that keeps us alive?.  

It is rare these days to hear an open “I love you” ” I miss you”, to see people openly holding each other in a loving way.  Our present culture is one where it is extremely strange to see people express openly their emotions; strange is treated as something to make fun of  or to crush because subconsciously we have been taught to see the open expression of our feelings as threats.  But do any of these people stop to ask themselves why they find it so threatening and uncomfortable? of course not.  To stop, to look in would mean to face that which most are not willing to confront.

The number of depressed people are growing and most physicians in our modern clinical model are simply trying to medicate without dealing with the root of things.  Why? either because they are disconnected themselves or because they have been relentlessly taught to forget the roots of what they were supposed to be doing for their patients, and to see them as numbers which need to be put back to the rat maze as soon as possible, which means medicating without searching for the actual root of it all.   

The modern medical model does a great disservice to society by forgetting its roots; not the treating of symptoms but the treating of the person as a whole which used to be called “soul therapy”. Soul therapy is accepting that treating the symptom will change nothing if the root isn’t sought out and treated; to do this a therapist would need to learn to truly listen and be willing to confront his or her own triggers.  That is why it is imperative  therapists undergoes therapy themselves.

To say that by treating the symptom itself through medication is proof that the problem was a chemical imbalance, is as ridiculous as stating that because a tree may have problems due to the soil it is planted on and the remedy is to simply change the Ph of the soil, then that means that trees must be soil!…see how ridiculous that sounds? 
The symptom is never the cause. Medication can be of great “assistance” but it’s not the solution.

When I hear about more and more people are suffering of depression, my heart aches but I also find myself hopeful.  Depression is not something to be feared.  It can be very hard to live with but it isn’t something to be ashamed of.  More often than not depression is the symptom of the incongruencies within our lives.  Depression is here to force us to look at that which is unhealed or which is currently hurting us.  Depression then is not the enemy but the messenger of our soul.  If we can humanely treat depression not as the enemy but as the messenger we would be healing our society. So when I hear more and more people are suffering of it, I find myself thinking “more and more people are waking up” more and more are tired of being just a number within our society.  More and more people want to live!

Of course we are going to feel horrible when we are experiencing depression, we are being forced to stop and feel; something we have forgotten to do.  No matter what you may think, when we  are in the process of healing there will be times which will feel horrendous, that is because as we enter the process of healing; regardless of its phase;  there will be what is called “relapses”. 

Most people think when they enter psychotherapy or whatever method you may be using; herbology, homeopathy, reiki, etc; all will be well.  Contrary to what is expected, a worsening of the symptoms may occur or new symptoms may appear accompanied by low energy, confusion, rage, sadness=depression.   This happens because when you are healing, you are liberating yourself.  Letting go can be hard and scary.  As you let go new space is being created, such space needs of a profound cleansing before we fill it up with beautiful healthy things; if we choose to fill it up at all; that will be your choice and choice is power.  Real power can be scarier than the false sense of power you thought you had.

So if you find yourself undergoing depression, I urge to seek help to work on yourself;  you deserve to live again.  If you are already working on yourself conscientiously yet you find your body, soul and spirit tired, then rest.  If your spirit feels like crying, then cry.  If your spirit feels anger, then feel the anger.  If it feels like distancing yourself, cutting old ties then do so… Do not sacrifice yourself any longer because the only way to be free is to release that which is causing you to feel ill or hurt.   Here is an example: We are often taught that to be at peace and be “good” we need to forgive, but forgiveness can not be faked.  Forgiveness can not come from simply saying it.  So many people claim they forgive yet their actions openly show the contrary.   If you are angry, hurt, or simply feel rejection towards something or someone is hard to organically forgive.  If you are in pain, you simply can not flow from one emotion to the other, if the other is so opposite to the first.  In order to get there you will have to feel, to work through it, and then you will be able to release it.

There is no other way to healing but to feel that which you are too afraid to experience. “The only way out is in”.  You need to give yourself permission to feel your emotions without judging them as good or bad.  When we give our emotions a voice, a way to express themselves, they’ll tell you a story, your story; that is how you learn who you really are, there is no other way. 

Dare to live by stopping the hiding of your emotions.  Enjoy each ray of sunshine and each reflection of the moon.  Work on yourself so you may discover true joy.  Enjoy the days in which you wake ready and excited to tackle life, wondering what great gifs it will bring to you which will propel you to heal even more.  The only way to become a true optimist isn’t by repeating that which you don’t feel but by confronting that which you are afraid of, only then will you truly understand what it is to be an optimist or positive thinker.  It may take time, it won’t be easy but the results will be long lasting and joyful.

“Do not be afraid of your inner dialogue, it is key to your freedom”


Sofia Falcone

Sofia Falcone
I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges and hopes, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves.

Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with permission from Sofia Falcone.

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