At the beginning of this year after having had the Christmas season to settle into a new home and find my feet, I voiced and wrote my desire to shift away from my introvert tendency to isolate myself at home and rather to immerse myself in the community into which we had recently transplanted ourselves. While a hermit phase had been necessary and beneficial, I felt myself moving into a new cycle where my growth would best be served through relationship and connection. Everyone knows it’s easier to be spiritual in your mountain-top cave where no other human is likely to cross your path and trigger your wounds! It’s peaceful but if you’re not careful about being brutally honest with yourself, it can also be more about avoiding your vulnerability.

Even though we still have three months of 2018 to go, I’m astounded at the breadth and velocity of my manifestation powers! I’ve gone from working solely at home and alone to becoming part of a team at the fantastic Skanda Vale hospice for one day a week. I joined the local amateur theatre with whom I made a short film raising awareness of LGBT issues, and also performed on the Attic Players stage in Power and Petticoats, a play about real life women and their struggle to achieve the right to vote. After years of following a solitary spiritual path I joined a women’s circle with whom I’ve experienced some beautiful moments of acknowledgement, acceptance and support. It sounds wonderful and powerful, right?

But those are just the joyful ways my chosen intention showed up for me. The flip side of manifesting your soul wishes and desires is remembering that your Higher Self knows more than you do and has your highest good in its sights. It will deliver your requested experiences around your intention but they may not always feel rosy and light. We grow most through challenges and obstacles, because these stretch us beyond our comfort zones and force us to confront what we may have been cleverly evading. Note to self, sometimes you may not even be aware that you are sneakily ducking things!

So my year of connection and vulnerability has also included the deaths of three people, which gave me the opportunity to feel deep pain and grief, to be seen in that dark place, and to hold space for others to move through their own loss with full permission and acceptance of however that was moving for them. I was blessed with the honour of leading the funeral and the life celebration of a special lady; my first ceremony of this kind. It was a reminder that community supports each other in times of loss and sadness, and that these moments are just as beneficial and blessed as more festive gatherings. To be witnessed, held and loved in your darkness as well as your light is essential to healthy connection.

At home, we had planned for a friend to do some work on our house and garden, and through a series of events beyond our control he ended up living with us for extended periods. Well, as an intensely private person this was my absolute nightmare scenario and it pressed all my hot buttons over weeks – my need for personal space and quiet, my dislike of conflict, my “too nice-ness” that can sometimes fail to assert clear boundaries. Oh yes, my Higher Self must have been chuckling away as it simply reminded me, “You did ask for this!”

A few weeks ago I faced a challenge in my work where I was drawn into a drama that involved many other people, and it would have been easy and much safer to just drop my involvement and remove myself from the situation altogether. Instead I stood my ground, shared my vulnerability and fears while staying true to my inner knowing, and as a result I received the gift of seeing how much I was appreciated and supported as the team pooled all their talents and resources to seek a solution. Everything resolved itself beautifully, to the benefit of everyone involved.

It’s not surprising that all of this activity put some strain on my closest personal relationship with my partner, and uncomfortable questions came up to be answered. It made me examine my habitual reactions and realise that there are areas where I still close myself off and hold back from letting myself be known fully; as does George. As a result we are working through an excellent book and are committed to following a practice to open more to each other, deepening our intimacy and communication.

Phew! Just typing this makes me realise how much I’ve packed into this year, and it’s no wonder I’m feeling the pull to allow myself to balance it all out with a bit more hermit time as we move into Autumn. In this moment, I can honestly say I’m not hiding but needing to rest and restore just as nature is preparing to do around me. So far this year has been one of joyful highs and arduous lows, but I can clearly see that both have served my initial intention equally.

Yes, be careful what you wish for because you will receive it but not always presented in bright wrapping and pretty ribbons. That star you’re wishing on is your Higher Self! Be aware that your wish may resonate through areas of your life other than those you specifically have in mind when you make it. What I can assure you is that whatever comes will be perfect for your soul growth and expansion, and I wouldn’t change a second of it.