A+ A A-

How to Set Awkward Boundaries: “No” is a Complete Sentence!

just_say_no

Dr. Judith Orloff

It may sometimes be awkward to set healthy boundaries with negative or draining people, but it is an important skill to learn. If someone has unrealistic expectations of you or unable to respect your feelings remember “No” is a complete sentence.

A key to setting boundaries is to come from a centered, unemotional, place—not to be reactive. For example if someone has been saying disparaging comments about you, from a heartfelt center say, “Please don’t talk about me to others. It’s inappropriate and disrespectful.” Then refuse to argue about it, even if your buttons are pushed.

Here are some additional tips from my books, “Emotional Freedom” and "Positive Energy” to help you set boundaries, especially when it feels really awkward.

Dealing with an Emotional Drainer 

If you meet someone and your energy starts bottoming out, don’t think twice about politely removing yourself from this killing interchange. One of my favorite foolproof lines is, “Excuse me; I really have to go to the bathroom.” Even the most intrepid vampire doesn’t have a counter-argument for that. It’s important that you move at least twenty feet from beyond the person’s energy field. Whenever your well-being feels at risk around certain people, make a tactful and swift exit. In a spot, physically extruding yourself is a sure, quick solution.

Dealing with a Constant Talker

The secret to dealing with a constant talker is knowing they don’t respond to nonverbal cues. You have no choice but to make your needs audible. Tone is especially critical with these vampires. They’re hypersensitive to rejection, which provokes them to ramp up their verbiage. So, with a constant talker try to be caring--these are wounded people!--but stay definite and neutral. Then, from a heart-center, set the parameters of your dialogue. Then you won’t be left limp, resentful, or forced into rudeness. You can politely say, “I’m a very quiet person, so excuse me for not talking a long time,” or “I feel left out when you dominate the conversation. I’d really appreciate a few minutes to talk too.”

Dealing with a Criticizer

If an intimate or co-worker keeps telling you how to deal with something, politely say, “I value your advice, but I really want to work through this myself.” You may need to remind the controller of your position several times, always in a kind, neutral tone. Repetition is key. Respectfully reiterating your stance over days or weeks will slowly recondition negative communication patterns and redefine the terms of the relationship. If you reach an impasse, agree to disagree. Then make the subject off limits.

Dealing with a Complainer

The moment you sense a complainer revving up, take a slow, deep breath to center yourself. Breathing is a wonderful way to quickly reconnect with your life force so their in-your-face intensity won’t sear into your energy field and cause burn-out. Keep concentrating on your breath. Tell yourself you know what’s happening, and you can handle it. As I remind my patients: you have power here. I know how easily we can lose it. But, when beset by this overheated drainer, you need to own that moment.

Do so by letting your breath release tension and ground you. This will keep you from getting caught up in their story. Then lovingly tell them, “Our relationship is important to me, but it’s not helpful to keep feeling sorry for yourself. I can only listen for five minutes unless you’re ready to discuss solutions,” or “I’m really sorry that’s happening to you.” Then, after listening briefly, smile and say, “I’ll keep good thoughts for things to work out. I hope you understand, I’m on deadline and I must return to work.”

If you feel like you are being overwhelmed by a difficult person here are some strategies to help you gain control and become centered again.

  • When you feel attacked break eye contact to stop the transfer of negativity.
  • Use the breath to retrieve your life force. Let it function like a vacuum cleaner. With each inhalation visualize yourself power-suctioning back every drop of energy that’s being snatched from you. Keep inhaling until the job is done. Do this in the presence of a vampire or later on.
  • Exhale negative energy and stress out the back of your lower spine. There are spaces between your lumbar vertebrae, natural exit points for energy. Touch the area; get a feel for the anatomy. When toxicity accumulates, expel it through these spaces. Envision dark gunk leaving your body. Then breathe in fresh air and sunlight, a quick re-vitalizer.
  • Jump in a bath or shower to clear negativity and prevent further drain. If you are feeling particularly drained add Epson salts or sea salts to the water. If you are in the shower you can rub sea salt on your skin and then wash it off.
  • Drink plenty of water to flush toxicity from your system too.
  • Also you can burn sage where this vampire has been to purify every nook and cranny. (This works well in hotel rooms when a prior guest’s left-over energy feels uncomfortable, but use only a little so you don’t trigger the smoke alarm!)

judith_orloff

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

Judith Orloff M.D. is a psychiatrist and author of Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life. Her other bestsellers are Positive EnergySecond Sight, and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Dr. Orloff combines traditional medicine with intuition, spirituality, and energy medicine. More information at www.drjudithorloff.com.

Source Here
CrystalWind.ca is free to access and use.
"Would you consider a small gift of $11.11 ?" :)
ॐ Namasté - Blessings!
"Life is an echo, what you send out comes back."

© 2008-2019 crystalwind.ca. All rights reserved.

Featured This Month

Page:

Virgo

Virgo

VIRGO Aug 23 - Sept 22 Spirit: To follow opportunity and serve Ego: Analyti... Read more

Virgo Mythology

Virgo Mythology

The Virgo Myth In all of constellation mythology, few legends are as misund... Read more

Sun in Virgo

Sun in Virgo

An Overview of Sun Sign Characteristics for Virgo The ruler of Virgo is Mer... Read more

Sweet Violet

Sweet Violet

Sweet Violet Faithfulness and modesty. “I will always be true to you.” Hel... Read more

Amazonite

Amazonite

The Stone of Perfect Expression The colour of amazonite aligns to the heart a... Read more

Sapphire

Sapphire

The Self - Sufficiency Stone Sapphire has a calming and regulating effect o... Read more

Peridot

Peridot

The Humour Stone Peridot stone makes the life of the wearer prosperous and ha... Read more

Mabon

Mabon

Mabon Ritual Celebrated on the Autumn Equinox, around September 21 each year... Read more

Harvest Moon

Harvest Moon

Brown Bear – Amethyst – Violet – Purple August 23 to September 22... Read more

Mabon Magic: Ideas For Fall Decoration And R…

Mabon Magic: Ideas For Fall Decoration And Ritual

Welcome (almost!) to Fall! We’re turning the Great Wheel once again, toward ... Read more

Mabon Modern Style

Mabon Modern Style

The Mabon season begins somewhere around the 21st-22nd of September and cont... Read more

Virgo's Featured Stone - Sugilite

Virgo's Featured Stone - Sugilite

Sugilite Birthstone: Virgo Planet: Mercury Element: Earth Chakra: Crown ... Read more

Watermelon Tourmaline

Watermelon Tourmaline

Synonym: Rainbow Tourmaline The watermelon tourmaline is a rare variety tha... Read more

The Vine: September 2nd - September 29th

The Vine: September 2nd - September 29th

The Autumnal Equinox ( Alban Elfed ) Celtic Symbol : The White Swan Zodiac... Read more

Peridot: The Healer's Stone

Peridot: The Healer's Stone

Peridot has been used as a Power Stone for centuries. Peridot fosters emotio... Read more

Positive SSL
© 2008-2019 CrystalWind.ca. Site Creation by CreativeInceptions.com.
X

Right Click

No right click