Support crystalwind.ca with your donation and help spread spirituality and positivity.

Blessings!

This article was posted by CrystalWind.ca

A+ A A-

How To Practice Self-Kindness

How To Practice Self-Kindness

It’s the bit we all forget about.

But it matters … quite a lot!

For most of us, kindness conjures up ideas of what we can do for someone. The immediate thought is other-focused. And other-focused feels right.

The thought of self-kindness, self-focus, on the other hand, feels wrong for most people. It feels selfish. We feel guilty for even indulging in the idea.

Why is this?

There’s a few reasons.

I grew up on a council estate in a village that was economically depressed at the time. But as is common with places like this, friends and neighbours pulled together to help each other. However, if someone was seen to be getting on, or indulging in some form of treating themselves, some people would talk about them with terms such as, “If she was chocolate, she would eat herself!” or “Who does she think she is?” or “She loves herself!” 

“He thinks he’s better than everyone else” was another one. It was the one that stuck, the hardest to shake off.

There was a kindship around hardship. If you were struggling, you were the same as everyone else. Kindness was exclusively reserved for helping others. And people in my village did it well.

So even if you felt you were getting on, it was wise to play small.

The trouble is, when you keep talking yourself down, you eventually start to believe the things you say about yourself.

I intuitively resisted this and often talked up my achievements. I had a very good academic record and was athletically inclined. In my adolescent and teenage mind, I simply celebrated my achievements. For me, sharing my successes with others felt exactly that, that I was sharing. We were all kin of sorts. A win for one is a win for all. That’s how I celebrated the successes of others. This sort of self-expression is natural. It’s a form of intuitive self-kindness. It never occurred to me at first that others wouldn’t see it the same way.

I was labelled a ‘big head’ and was brought down to size through years of bullying at school. In time, one learns to equate success and feeling good about one’s self with pain shortly afterwards.

It affected my confidence and self-esteem for years afterwards. 

This was my experience. It’s not the same for everyone as we each have a different context that we grew up in.

Others develop ideas around the seeming wrongness of self-kindness in other ways.

Many learn from a young age that it’s selfish to put yourself first.

And that’s part of the problem – the belief that putting yourself first is exclusively what self-kindness is.

The problem is in the way we think about it. We think it means to put yourself selfishly ahead of others as if to say, ‘Me first! I’m the most important person here,’ sort of thing. We associate it with self-indulgence while others are struggling.

If we understood it differently, we wouldn’t have quite as many hang-ups about self-kindness.

Because it’s not really what self-kindness is.

There are times, though, when self-kindness does mean putting yourself first, especially if it’s in support of your mental or physical health. But it’s not a selfish act. It’s simply a recognition of your needs and acting upon them. It’s a necessity rather than an indulgence.

Self-kindness can take many forms. Sometimes it’s about taking time for yourself. Oher times it can be doing something relaxing. Sometimes it can be buying something for yourself. Some people like to take a warm bath, a walk in nature, go see a movie, or something else that’s meaningful or helps them feel good.

Time is often a challenge for me so it can take a self-kindness focus. I find myself sometimes having too many deadlines and pieces of work that cluster together, so self-kindness sometimes takes the form of me taking time for myself.

I even write it in my diary – “Meeting with Self.” I give that entry the same priority as I would a meeting with anyone else. It escalates it to the level of something that’s important. It helps highlight the fact I’m doing an act of self-kindness that supports my mental health and so solidifies the importance to myself of my own health.

If I don’t do this, what might the consequences be? Well, for many, the consequences of not practicing self-kindness are stress, burnout, anxiety.

What else is self-kindness? Much of the time it’s just about doing what you need to do to support your mental health. But it can also be in finding things that are meaningful for you and doing them on purpose.

Let me share an example to make the point. 

I love to cook.

Now, I’m not MasterChef, but I enjoy cooking a lot. I like to learn a recipe and then I cook it loads of times until I know it off by heart and don’t need the recipe anymore. That’s when I start making some tweaks here and there that I feel are enhancements on the original recipe. 

For my taste at least. Probably not everyone would agree. 

Sometimes I deviate just a little from the original recipe, sometimes quite a lot. But as I experiment and feel a sense of achievement and satisfaction, I can relate these feelings to my own actions and so I feel like I’m flourishing. And on account of my own actions.

And that’s where the power of it lies. Knowing how much benefit I get from cooking, that it brings me happiness and supports my mental health, it becomes an act of self-kindness when I do it on purpose.

And that’s the key. 

Find things that are meaningful for you and do them on purpose.

Cooking works for me, but it can be anything – spending time with your children, exercise, hanging with friends, watching movies, dancing, studying … anything that’s meaningful for you.

I make time in my life for meaningful things. Even when I’m busy with my author and speaker work, I find the time. 

Especially when I’m busy!

Because this makes a statement to myself, to my own subconscious, that my mental (and physical) health is important to me.

So self-kindness is not self-ish.

Self-kindness is an intelligent practice that recognises your needs and acts on them. It’s a choice and a set of actions that you make on purpose because you know that they support your mental (and physical) health.

So be kind. 

To yourself and others.

Credit

David R. Hamilton PhD
After completing his PhD, David worked for 4 years in the pharmaceutical industry developing drugs for cardiovascular disease and cancer. During this time he also served as an athletics coach and manager of one of the UK’s largest athletics clubs, leading them to three successive UK finals. Upon leaving the pharmaceutical industry, David co-founded the international relief charity Spirit Aid Foundation and served as a director for 2 years.

Source Here

© 2023 crystalwind.ca. All rights reserved. We track all IP addresses. Using a VPN will now also get tracked to original source IP.

Pin It
CrystalWind.ca is free to use because of donations from people like you. Please help support us! 
 
Blessings!

Featured Writers

 

Who is Online Now

We have 807 guests and no members online

Featured This Month

Page:

Deer Medicine

Deer Medicine

Deer is not only a medicine someone can carry, it is a Native American birth... Read more

Litha Sabbat - The Summer Solstice

Litha Sabbat - The Summer Solstice

Gardens are blooming, and summer is in full swing. Fire up the barbeque, turn ... Read more

A Simple Summer Solstice Ritual with Crystal…

A Simple Summer Solstice Ritual with Crystals

June 20, 2016 is this year’s summer solstice, marking&n... Read more

Gemini

Gemini

GEMINI May 21 - June 20 Spirit: To investigate Objectives: To advance by ... Read more

Litha - The Midsummer Solstice

Litha - The Midsummer Solstice

The Litha festival is one of the lesser Sabbats of the Witches annual calend... Read more

Yarrow

Yarrow

Helps you create the future of your dreams Gender: Feminine Planet: Venus ... Read more

Sun in Gemini

Sun in Gemini

Sun in Gemini May 21 through June 20 An Overview of Sun Sign Characteristic... Read more

Gemini Mythology

Gemini Mythology

The Story Behind the Gemini Zodiac Sign The origins of some constellation m... Read more

Crystal Gem: Grids and Gridding

Crystal Gem: Grids and Gridding

What are Crystal Gem Grids? They are tools for empowerment, for blessings, ... Read more

Rutilated Quartz

Rutilated Quartz

The Energy Buster Stone Rutilated Quartz is an illuminator for the soul, pr... Read more

Birth Totem - Deer

Birth Totem - Deer

Birth dates: May 21 - June 20 Birth Totem is: Deer Clan of: Butterfly (Air... Read more

Celestite

Celestite

The Divine Listener Stone Celestite has remarkable relaxing and uplifting a... Read more

The Hawthorn Tree - May 13 - June 9

The Hawthorn Tree - May 13 - June 9

Celtic Symbol : The Chalice Zodiac Degrees : 21º00` Taurus - 17º59 Gemini ... Read more

Citrine

Citrine

The Clearing Stone Citrine’s wide range of colours enables it to help balan... Read more

Cornplanting Moon

Cornplanting Moon

Deer – Moss Agate – Yarrow – Green and White May 21 to June 20 The Cornpla... Read more

© 2008-2023 CrystalWind.ca. All rights reserved. Site Creation by CrystalWind.ca.
Web Hosting by Knownhost.com

X

Right Click

No right click