•  
Support crystalwind.ca with your donation and help spread spirituality and positivity. Blessings!

This article was posted by CrystalWind.ca

A+ A A-

Loving Kindness: The Missing Link

Loving Kindness: The Missing Link

Someone wrote the other day saying that she’d had a hard time forgiving a colleague at work who had reflexly shot down her very excellent ideas. Apparently this colleague does this a lot. It’s just a habit with her.

My correspondent found her colleague’s actions very hurtful. She struggled with resentment for several days as she worked on practicing forgiveness and on cultivating metta. (Metta is “lovingkindness,” or simply kindness). Eventually she was successful, and she managed to forgive her critic. So that’s excellent! Practice works!

The thing is it took her a long time to find her way back to peace. And I think her story highlights something that’s missing from many people’s practice of metta. It’s the missing link in our practice of lovingkindness.

I sometimes worry about sounding like a broken record, but I find that one key thing when we’re hurt is to practice kindness and compassion toward ourselves. When this colleague reacted to my correspondent, this caused pain. Whenever she felt resentful afterward, that also caused her pain. Trying to wish another person well while we’re not responding compassionately to our own pain tends not to be very effective. (I’m not saying this to blame anyone — this is a very common oversight in our lovingkindness practice. It’s something we all do.)

Our resentment is our pain’s way of trying to protect itself. It’s like a kind of bristly, spiky forcefield that we erecting around our hearts. If we recognize our own pain and send it our love and reassurance, then we’re “protecting” the heart in a different way — through love. It becomes much easier to direct this love toward the person that hurt us. It becomes much easier for us to let go of our resentments. The forgiveness can happen much more quickly. Sometimes it takes minutes or even seconds rather than days.

When we ignore our pain in favor of directing well-wishing to the other person, we’re not being very compassionate to ourselves. In fact we’re unintentionally being cruel. To see this more clearly, imagine yourself walking past a friend who is obviously in distress, without really acknowledging them. You’d be taking a person who’s in pain, and adding to their pain by not being concerned and compassionate.

Now the part of you that’s hurting has exactly the same response. When you ignore it and focus on someone else instead, the hurt deepens. And so your hurt continues to try to protect itself. It continues to erect this spiky forcefield or resentment. And the more you feel this resentment, the more you’re likely to work harder at cultivating compassion for the person who hurt you. And so we stay stuck, until eventually a current of genuine kindness appears, the dynamic changes, we let go of some of our resentment, and your heart feels safe again.

So when we’re trying on the one hand to cultivate kindness to another person, while also (accidentally) cultivating unkindness toward ourselves, it can take us so long to let go of our reactions.

I never used to quite believe the teaching that we have to be kind toward ourselves before we can be kind to others, but the longer I practice the more I see that it’s true.

Credit

Bodhipaksa is a Buddhist practitioner and teacher, a member of the Triratna Buddhist Order, and a published author. He founded Wildmind in 2001. Bodhipaksa has published many guided meditation CDs and guided meditation MP3s.
If you would like to support Wildmind in producing articles like this, and get access to dozens of online meditation courses, please look into becoming a sponsor for as little as $4 a month.
Source Here

Pin It

Join the Conversation Now! Comment Below! arrow down small 11

 
CrystalWind.ca is free to use because of donations from people like you. Please help support us! 
Blessings!

Follow this blog

Featured Writers

Spirit Animal Totem Of The Day!

CrystalWind.ca is free to use because of
donations from people like you.
Donate Now »

CrystalWind.ca Donation!

Unlock Your Light: Join Lightworkers Worldwide on CrystalWind.ca!

 

Follow Us!

 

Who is Online Now

We have 33585 guests and no members online

Featured This Month

Page:

Dandelion: The Surprising Power of this Medi…

Dandelion: The Surprising Power of this Medicine Wheel Plant!

Reminds you of the abundance life holds. Gender: Masculine Planet: Jupiter E... Read more

Hematite

Hematite

The Grounding Stone With its iron content, hematite has a strengthening inf... Read more

The Crystal Wind Oracle Card Deck

The Crystal Wind Oracle Card Deck

The Crystal Wind Oracle™ The Crystal Wind Oracle Myth & Magic Card D... Read more

Bright Beltane Blessings!

Bright Beltane Blessings!

The wheel turns to Beltane, also known as Mayday, marking the beginning of S... Read more

The Time of No Time: Beltane!

The Time of No Time: Beltane!

Around the medicine wheel of life we go, from season to season (solstice to ... Read more

Beltane

Beltane

Beltane Ritual Celebrated May 1st Beltane is also known as May Day, Walpurg... Read more

Bloodstone

Bloodstone

The Blood Energizer Stone The combined colours of bloodstone allow it to fu... Read more

Sun in Aries: Unleash Your Power!

Sun in Aries: Unleash Your Power!

Aries March 21 through April 20 An Overview of Sun Sign Characteristics for A... Read more

Aries Mythology: Discover the Secrets

Aries Mythology: Discover the Secrets

The Mythology of Aries First things first, when referring to the mythology ... Read more

Budding Trees Moon: Medicine Wheel Insights!

Budding Trees Moon: Medicine Wheel Insights!

Red Hawk - Fire Opal - Dandelion - Yellow March 21 – April 19 The Budding Tr... Read more

Eudialyte: Your Aries Power Stone Revealed!

Eudialyte: Your Aries Power Stone Revealed!

Eudialyte Birthstone: Aries Planet: Mars Element: Fire Chakra: Heart Eud... Read more

Green Aventurine

Green Aventurine

The Emotional Balancer Stone Green Aventurine is perhaps the best balancing... Read more

Diamond

Diamond

The King of all Stones The diamond symbolizes wisdom and enlightenment, pur... Read more

Birth Totem Falcon: Are You a Natural Leader…

Birth Totem Falcon: Are You a Natural Leader?

Birth Totem Falcon Birth dates: March 21 – April 19 Birth Totem is: Falcon... Read more

Aries

Aries

ARIES Mar 21 - Apr 20 Spirit: Adventurous, courageous Read more

© 2008-2024 CrystalWind.ca. All rights reserved. Site Creation by CrystalWind.ca.
Web Hosting by Knownhost.com

 

 

X

Right Click

No right click