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The Heartbreaking Effects of Being Only Partly Committed to Most Things

The Heartbreaking Effects of Being Only Partly Committed to Most Things

If we’re absolutely honest with ourselves, most of us are only half-committed to most things — in many cases, much less than half-committed.

We say that we’re going to change our diet, but are we fully committed? Do we make a meal plan and buy the groceries and clear out the junk food and set time in our calendar to prep meals for the week and change our habit of eating out much of the time?

Do we feel so committed in our hearts that we’d bet our lives on it?

We make a commitment at work (to our team, client, partner) but we don’t fully show up. We get distracted, we procrastinate, we are only half in it much of the time. We do the same thing to the people we love — we’re only half there for them.

How often do we show up fully, with deep commitment?

This is not about blaming or shaming, not about being judgmental or criticizing ourselves. This is about getting clear on whether we’re fully committed to anything, and getting very clear on the effects of that in our lives.

How often do we let others down, not showing up like we promised we would, not delivering like we promised we would? How often do we let ourselves down? How often do we stay on our phones when our loved ones are craving our attention?

And how does it affect those around us, and ourselves, and our work in the world?

It’s heartbreaking:

  • We lose trust in ourselves, beat ourselves up for failing again, create a negative self-image, which affects everything.
  • We form the habit of shrinking away from scary and hard things, staying in our comfort zones, playing a smaller game.
  • We lose the trust of others, and break their hearts and they hope we’ll be fully there for them.
  • We come across as flaky, wishy-washy, late for things, untrustable, which creates a sense of not being safe, not being able to relax, in others. We feel their not being able to trust us and not being able to relax with us, and that feels hurtful in us.
  • We never feel the joy of showing up powerfully in the world, of being incredibly committed, of deepening into that commitment.

Again, this is nothing to feel shameful or guilty about, or beat ourselves up about. It’s about letting our hearts be broken by how we let others down and let ourselves down, and creating a commitment to showing up fully in the world, powerfully, with full commitment.

How do we do that? It’s a practice:

  1. Start by pausing and realizing that you need to check your commitment level.
  2. Look into your heart and ask whether you really want to commit to this. Do you feel a strong desire to commit to this? Does it feel right? Do you have the space and energy in your life to uphold this commitment?
  3. Ask yourself, “Would I bet $10,000 on being able to fulfill this commitment? If not, why not?” Of course, there can be things completely out of your control (a natural disaster, illness, death in the family), but barring those things, would you be willing to be your home or your life on this commitment?
  4. If you are fully committed, then take action now. Commitment comes from action: tell somebody about it and ask the to hold your commitment. Put a stake in the ground, skin in the game. Tell the world. Make a plan. Take the next step. Create an environment where you won’t fail. Set up reminders. Do whatever it takes, so that you won’t let yourself or others down.
  5. And by the way, start this only with small commitments at first, if you’re practicing. Nothing too big. An easily achievable commitment that you’re fully committed to, where you would bet your life on it. For example, “I promise myself that I’m going to walk to the end of this block, no matter what.” Then do it. After awhile, build trust by doing harder and harder commitments.
  6. Then do whatever it takes to never break a promise to yourself again, and to always show up as fully as you can.

Can you deepen into this practice, dropping shame and self-judgment but shifting how you show up?

Zen Habits is about finding simplicity and mindfulness in the daily chaos of our lives. It’s about clearing the clutter so we can focus on what’s important, create something amazing, find happiness. My name is Leo Babauta. I live in Davis, California with my wife and six kids, where I eat vegan food, write, run, and read. Source

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