I want you to really ponder these next few sentences:  You are one of the first to go through the embodied enlightenment.  You are on the leading edge.  You are literally lifetimes ahead of the rest of humanity.   You are qualified and capable and courageous.  But you are going to feel like you don’t know what you’re doing at times.  You are going to feel like you are hitting a brick wall.  Like you are trying to accomplish the impossible.

You are going to feel passionless, irritated, impatient, sad, hopeless.  Bored.  Very bored.  Confused.   You will question the whole process.  Wondering if it is real.

One minute you feel so lit up, so plugged in, and so devoted, and the next you are just flatlined.

One foot in the old, the other in the new.

Now I will repeat the first sentence:

You are one of the first to go through the embodied enlightenment.

It’s always hardest on the first. Always.  There is no getting around it.  If it was easy, everyone would be doing it.  Everyone would be delving deep into the inner recesses of themselves.

That takes courage.  It takes determination and commitment.  A commitment that began lifetimes ago by the way.

But that’s another thing that perplexes you.   You wonder, am I committed enough?  Am I vascillating?  If I were really committed wouldn’t I feel more passionate about being here?

Questions, doubts, and no real clear answers.

Except those times when it is crystal clear.  When you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are here for very special reasons.  You know that you will do whatever it takes to see it through, even in the face of not really knowing what ‘seeing it through’ really means.

Something strange is happening.

You are beginning to get a sense that it’s really not about struggle and pain.  In fact, it’s about being bold enough to let the pain go.  It’s about being radical enough to allow yourself to feel ecstatic in a world that sees that as both delusional and unattainable.

You may not have anyone in your immediate family or friends or in your every day comings and goings to share who you really are with.  This new being who has a partner now who is melding and merging with them.

Sometimes it feels so damned good being here in this body and in this house and in this environment on Earth.  It’s indescribable, really.  And you are not really that interested in trying to describe it to anyone, because you don’t really know how.

And you don’t really care.

Because when you are there, in that place, nothing really matters except to milk that moment as much as is humanly possible.  Because it’s soul-filled.

And it’s for you, and only for you.  So you savor it, you milk it and you are deeply and sensually fulfilled.

And in those moments you absolutely know why you are here.