Category: Ann & The Angels Written by Ann Albers
My dear friends, we love you so very much,
So many of you are so hard upon yourselves. You live under a false premise that to be "holy" or "spiritual" you must like all things and all beings. This is a misunderstanding of love dear ones. While it is your very nature to love, you never came to the planet expecting that you would like, or more accurately resonate, with everyone and everything. The light within you does love the light within all beings and all things, but the personality that you embody on earth has its own unique preferences and desires and that is how it was intended to be.
When you came to earth, you knew you would love the variety, the contrast, and the incredible opportunities to create that would be inspired by dancing with one Love in so many different forms. You knew you would meet with souls that you love in the guise of different people and different personalities. You knew there would be some that would remember their connection to Love and some that would forget. You knew some would resonate with you and others would challenge you to love yourself. You knew you would have your preferences – your likes and dislikes – and you knew that these feelings would help you remember more about who you wish to be, what you wish to experience, what you would create, and how you want to grow.
You came to earth, knowing that your feelings of affinity or repulsion were simply guiding forces to help you stay on the path of your greatest joy.
Rather than judging yourself or the other when you feel a "like" or a "dislike," give yourself permission to feel your preferences. Allow yourself to "like" or "dislike" any personality, thing, situation, belief, or behavior you encounter in your life. You have certain foods you prefer. You have certain outfits you prefer. You have certain decor and decorum that you prefer. You also have certain people, personalities, beliefs, and behaviors you prefer. This is as it was intended to be.
Your soul loves the light within all things and all beings. Your human self has its preferences. You can love without liking, much as a mother loves the child whether or not she likes his/her behavior on a given day. You can love without liking much as a true friend might love you even if his or her beliefs are different from yours on a given topic. You can love without liking, much as a chef might love the diversity of ingredients from which to entertain his or her guests, in spite of not wanting to eat them all. You can love even if others don't like you because it feels better for you to focus on the light within all.
The secret to your happiness is to enjoy the things, beings, and situations you like and to stop condemning and trying to change the ones you dislike. Be honest with yourself and make your choices accordingly:
"I am who I am. You are who you are. Life is what it is. What next?"
When you like someone, enjoy them, or enjoy the thought of them. When you dislike someone's behavior or personality you have many choices. Choose one that feels right for you. You can choose to look for good points if that feels better. You can choose to walk away. You can choose to observe quietly, and seek to understand or you can honestly decide that you have no interest whatsoever, in doing so. Whatever you choose, choose a response that feels most right and most loving for you. Trust that when you do what feels right in your soul, it will be right for all souls involved.
It may not feel loving to walk away kindly from someone, but we assure you that it is more loving to honestly walk away than pretend to like. The other person would sense your dissonance and the relationship would never truly be satisfying to either one of you. The other person may say they don't want you to leave, but in their heart of hearts, they want someone who wants to be with them. One person's rejection is another's redirection.
It may not feel loving to keep quiet, rather than engage in a battle with someone who wants to argue but we would rather see one soul in peace than two at war. Ultimately, no matter how badly an ego wants an argument, all souls truly want peace.
It may not always feel loving to say "no I can't honestly do that for you" when someone desperately wants you to do something for them, but it is loving to tell the truth rather than lying to please the other with a resentful heart. Ultimately all souls want gifts given freely and joyfully.
There is a huge difference between judgment and discernment. Judgment says, "you have no right to be." Discernment says, "you're not right for me."
Dear ones, absolutely everyone, and everything have a place, a purpose, and a right to be in the great puzzle of life whether or not they fit naturally and easily with your piece of the puzzle! As in life, all pieces belong. As in life, not all belong together.
You were not put on this earth to eat every item in the grocery store, and you did not come to this earth to enjoy all people, all things, all situations, locations, beliefs, and all opinions. When you make peace with your preferences you will no longer have to argue over them, justify them, force them upon others, or try to bend and twist your own to match what others expect of you.
A rose is here to be a rose. A tulip is here to be a tulip. A dog is a dog. A cat is a cat, and you are here to be the individual that you are now, and are continuing to become. The diversity of life helps you discover new preferences, learn new things about yourself, discover new talents, and figure out what you are ready to leave behind. The diversity of life helps inspire you to create and evolve as you journey through eternity.
So when you see something on the news that you don't care for, or if you bump into someone whose opinion you don't like; if someone rubs you the wrong way, or something feels distasteful, remind yourself, "This diversity is here to help me figure out who I am, who I wish to be, and how I want to dance with life. It has value. They have value." Then shift to paying attention to what you DO like, what you DO prefer, what you wish to empower with your focused attention.
Dear ones, don't waste your precious life force focusing on the rightness or wrongness of life or anyone in it. Something right for your growth and joy may be completely wrong for another as surely as one diet is right for you, yet totally inappropriate for another; as surely as one outfit is right for you and your work, and totally inappropriate for another; and, as surely as one belief is right for your soul's evolution and not at all useful to another.
Be right for yourselves in this moment, and stop trying to find an absolute right and wrong. Love is the only absolute right. You are allowed to have your preferences.
So, give up the discussions of right and wrong. Stop analyzing who you should be in comparison to everyone else. Allow yourselves to have your likes, dislikes, and preferences, and we implore you, to allow that to set you free from the bondage of insisting others agree or trying to agree with all others. You are unique, precious, and perfect in this puzzle of life. So is everyone else.
God Bless You! We love you so very much.
-- The Angels
Message from Ann...
I grew up Catholic – very Catholic. Like most of us, I learned a lot of "rights" and "wrongs" from the moment I entered the world. Good girl / bad girl. That was just the way we were all raised back then. You pleased someone and you did right. You upset them and you did wrong. Pretty simple. But sometimes right and wrong matched what was in my heart and other times it didn't... Like the time I colored on the walls. Eagerly wanting to decorate my room I took out my 64 crayons and made vertical art! I was so proud of it! Mom wasn't so thrilled. The crayons got taken away. I couldn't finish a preschool project that I loved, and I was mad! Mind you I was four years old but everything in my heart said it was RIGHT for me to make my walls beautiful :) Of course, everything in Mom's heart said coloring on the walls was not OK!
This points to one of the biggest dilemmas we have as human beings. What to do when what feels right for you (or wrong) is wrong for another (or right)? I've agonized over that very decision so many times. The angels say, each and every time, "Listen to your heart. God wants to give everyone the essence of what they want from someone who wants to give it." I asked them about the coloring incident. They said that had I had the wisdom then that I do now I would have shared honestly with mom that I wanted my artwork on the walls. She would have shared that we hang paper on the walls and that she just didn't want me drawing directly on them. Problem solved. Everyone accommodated. I just didn't know then what I knew now. Back then it was all or nothing and communicating my heart as a child meant childishly insisting on having my way, rather than speaking and negotiating my deeper desires. As kids, it seems to be "our way or the highway" but as adults, we can negotiate ways to accommodate both individuals or to move along and accommodate ourselves.
There have been many times as an adult when I've had to do what felt right for me when it wasn't what someone else wanted of me. I politely declined to date a guy years ago who blew up at me and told me how "wrong" I was, only to find that he met his perfect match a month later. God wanted me to be happy, and him to have the relationship he really wanted. It wasn't me and I knew it. There were times my own family wanted something of me that I honestly couldn't give at the time. They were upset, but in time we all got what we all wanted – relationships that have become so deep, beautiful, authentic, and so loving I wouldn't have believed it possible at the time.
We face the eternal right/wrong debate all the time, on so many topics. Is the vaccine right or wrong – for you? Only you'll know your truth. You'll feel in your heart and in your gut. Your decision is right for you. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It is pointless to try to make others agree. God speaks directly to every heart, letting them know what is right for them.
I've been so much happier since I learned to trust in that. I don't have to worry if others do things differently than I or I do things differently than others. We're all listening to our own guidance. I don't have to be afraid "for" anyone else. I trust God is guiding them too.
This honest and authentic way of life is very freeing. I don't even have to worry about disappointing others because I know that if I'm not authentically called or able to fulfill another's wishes, God will guide them to someone who is a perfect match for their needs and desires.
Many of you on this list have written that you have also found great relief as you learn to "live and let live," but you struggle with the loving choice when someone else is making you wrong, condemning your choices, or trying to bully or manipulate you into agreeing with them.
These are tough cases. You care about people but in the end, the angels have taught me to care more about honoring the Divine within. "You have to live with yourself, and you take yourself with you – throughout eternity," they remind me. "Best to be in agreement with the Source of life within you instead of trying to please others." You can be kind about letting others know that you love them and care about them, but that you have to follow your inner guidance. In the end, the angels remind us, their reaction is all about them and not at all about you. Their reaction is based on the degree of their own love, their own fears, their need for acknowledgment, validation, approval, agreement, or acceptance. We must allow others their feelings because they will learn and grow from their responses to life as surely as we do. We don't have to like it.
I wouldn't be doing this work if I waited for the validation, agreement, and support that I desperately craved way back when my life started changing. I wouldn't have connected with all of you. I wouldn't be writing these newsletters. I might not even be alive. There have been many opportunities to die in this life,
It still isn't always easy for me to do what is right for me when I know another will think my decision is wrong for them, but I listen to my guidance anyway. I trust that the Source of life and love will guide them directly to who and what they really want – if they choose to listen. It still takes effort, every now and then, for me to allow others the choices that I wouldn't dream of making. I remind myself that I can feel good about the fact that God knows them, cares for them, and is there ready to guide them the minute they listen to their own hearts.
Live and let live. Be right for yourself and allow others to be right for themselves... It is a dance that is so freeing, so fun, and so much happier than struggling with the eternal, yet never-won arguments about who is right and who is wrong. In the end, we all are right... for ourselves!
Here are a few tips to help you get over the right/wrong debates...
1. Try out your choices to see what feels right
When you're confused about a decision of any type and wondering about making the "right" choice, play the "try it on" game that the angels gave me years ago.
Imagine you have decided to make one of your choices. Forget what you think about it. Check in with your body. How do you feel? Does it feel like it fits? Does your stomach feel relaxed as if you've made a good choice? Or does it feel tight and apprehensive? Do the same exercise for your other choices. How do they feel in your body? Do they fit?
Only make a choice that feels relaxed and good in your body. If none feel good then give your problem to God and go on with life until the problem goes away or one of your options does feel right. I never make a choice unless a choice feels absolutely clear.
2. Catch yourself trying to control others
Most of the time we think of controlling others as bossing them around. The angels have shown me, however, that every time we make someone wrong and think our way is right we are really wanting to control another.... even if you're trying to help them or make them happier!
It isn't our job to tell anyone what to do or how to be. It is our job to own and/or express our true feelings. Say you really want to help another. You can insist they do what you feel is right for them (unloving/controlling) or you can offer help (loving). "I love you. I see you are hurting. This has worked for me. Would you like me to share more?" Then honor their "yes" or "no."
Many times my own family members have had challenges that I could easily solve... my way. In my younger days, I'd not-so-helpfully try to insist that I knew how to fix them or their situation. My "sage" advice was not well received! I was not loving. I was trying to be "right" in a desire to help them and it often backfired. Now I offer a suggestion then let it be.
It isn't our job to tell anyone how to live their lives or fix their problems unless they have asked for help. Even then it isn't our right to insist they listen to our advice. We are so conditioned to be "helpful" that we often miss the cues when we're being unlovingly pushy! Being loving is helpful. Kindly offering advice, without pushing or expecting agreement is a gift. Any attempt at coercion is not loving, however, and only frustrates everyone involved.
As we let go of our desire to control others, even in an attempt to "help" we free ourselves from the bondage of their choices!
3. Practice Choice & Consequence vs. Right & Wrong
Instead of trying to argue why you're right and another is wrong simply figure out what you need to do that is right for you, depending on their choices.
"If you want me to agree with you, I'm sorry. I can't bring up the subject again because I have a different perspective and I love you too much to argue."
"If you need me to work Sundays instead of going to church, I have to quit to honor my religion." (Me in my twenties - never got fired!)
"If you yell at me, I am going to walk away and we can talk later. I don't want to respond until I feel balanced and happy and capable of being loving."
"If you come home drunk I'm going to sleep on the couch because it doesn't feel good to me."
You get the idea. These types of interactions could easily become a huge "Who is right and who is wrong" debate but it is far better to decide what is right for you, offer the other a choice, and clearly state what your behavior will be as a result.
This only works if you really have been honest with yourself about what is right for you, if you're really willing to allow the other to make a choice, and if you're going to follow through with the consequence. Idle manipulative threats have a very different energy. The choice/consequence discussion is a come from the heart message that says, "I accept you but I accept me too. You be you, but I must be me too."
A dear client who had three boys once shared how she handled a tough situation. Her kids fought in the car on the way to sports practice most days. She had tried yelling, grounding them, punishing them, all to no avail. No matter how hard she tried to enforce a "no-fighting" policy it didn't work. So she decided to practice the angels' advice about doing what was right for her. She simply communicated to them that they were free to do as they wished but she was too.
The next time they started fighting she said to them, "If you keep fighting, it's OK. I don't enjoy it, however, so I'm going drive home and I'll call the coach to tell him you're not coming to practice." They kept fighting. She drove home, parked the car in the garage, called the coach and let him know the boys weren't behaving and weren't coming to practice, then started cooking dinner. After about ten minutes of bickering in the car, the kids realized she was serious. "Mom!!! We have to go to practice" one finally said, wandering into the kitchen. "I know. I'll drive you there tomorrow if you're kind to each other. I don't like to listen to you fight so I came in and started dinner. Don't worry, as I promised I called the coach so he knows you're not coming today." She was loving, kind, honest, and not at all condemning. They made a different choice the following day and the next, and all enjoyed a better outcome.
Rather than arguing over right and wrong, when you simply honored your own "right choice" as a consequence of others' choices, you will feel better and the situation is likely to shift as well.
The debates about right/wrong are hot and heavy on the planet now. What matters most is that you get quiet and decide what is right for you. What feels good, inspiring, comfortable, happy, and just plain good in your body? Do that. Let others do what they need to do. It is a big, beautiful world, with a place, and a purpose for all. Rather than worrying about what everyone else is doing, tune into the source of all wisdom within, and then you'll always know what is right for you.
Have a beautiful week :)
Ann Albers and The Angels
Please feel free to share any of my messages or posts. The only thing I ask is a small note: ©Ann Albers, www.VisionsofHeaven.com
Reprinted with permission from Ann Albers on crystalwind.ca. All rights reserved.
Ann Albers and The Angels
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