Following on from my post Healing with Inner Archetypes, and before I start looking at these in more detail, I wanted to talk about why it can be so helpful to see and understand yourself as a composite of many different aspects.

When there’s something about ourselves we don’t like or are ashamed of, or when we do something that we label as stupid or not good enough, it whacks our self-esteem with a giant hammer blow because in that moment we’re usually seeing ourselves only as that one thing. We forget, for example, the million things we’ve done brilliantly and efficiently already that day and we focus on the one task we just got “wrong”. We see ourselves as a complete and utter failure.

We may have been cool, calm and collected through a myriad of challenging situations over a long number of hours but when we lose our temper during one particularly frustrating encounter we brand ourselves as impatient and out of control. Once we’ve heaped this type of heavy censure on our own heads it can prove very difficult to get out from under it.

But what if, instead, we can learn to keep in mind that whatever is bothering us is just one small part of us – it’s not all of who we are. I’m not talking about avoiding the discomfort or bypassing the problem. It’s about being able to recognise truthfully that “a part of me is feeling like <insert judgement here, such as I’m a failure>,” which then automatically reminds you that there are other parts of you which don’t feel that way at all. Whatever you’re feeling and however you’re behaving does not sum up the whole of you, but is only a very small part of who you are.

What’s more, you then have the option to consciously connect with whatever aspect of you is currently taking the floor, and why. Curiosity can distract you wonderfully and open up a constructive space into which you can move and expand, rather than locking yourself down. From this place of knowing you can also connect with the part of you that is most helpful and empowering to take you further. For example, if you’re aware an inner child has been triggered then you can also be aware that it might be useful to call forward your inner mother to reassure and soothe that child aspect of you. Suddenly you’ve shifted from cutting yourself down and hating yourself to empowering and raising yourself up. You’ve enabled yourself to take a step back from an overwhelming emotion and to observe it objectively within the bigger context of you as a complex person.

You can apply the same principle in your relationships too. How often when we’re annoyed with our nearest and dearest do we use the words “you always” or “you never”. The very language suggests that they have no other way of being and that whatever it is that annoys you is everything that they do or are. They literally have nowhere to go from there; you’re sealing the lid on your perspective box and your loved one will feel that from you and probably switch straight into defensive mode. Now can you see how powerful this approach is? If you can remember that this annoying thing is just a small part of the person in front of you, and that they’re capable of other behaviours that can fill you with love, joy or respect, it’s so much easier to be compassionate and open to them in the moment. Or if you see a loved one struggling and floundering under their own self-hate, you can remind them of the other aspects of themselves, or deliberately draw out another sub-personality that will help return them to their power and self-love.

It’s something I’m deliberately choosing to adopt in my everyday talk with myself and others. Just by saying “a part of me feels” rather than “I feel,” I’m reminding myself not to get lost in or consumed by the one particular aspect that might be active at the time, but to remember that there’s so much more to me than just this, and I can choose to access any of it at any moment. I might be polishing one facet right now, but the diamond that is me is still very much there and shining invitingly.