I woke in the middle of the night with adrenaline coursing through my body, unable to recall the dream that produced my anxious state.

I sat up, looked around the room to reset my nervous system, and got up to splash cold water on my face. Shortly after, I fell back to sleep.

After a year of caregiving and loss, stress has taken a toll on my nervous system. Add to that the chaotic state of the world and it’s become a full-time job trying to stay centered and calm. I imagine you feel it, too.

When our nervous system is dysregulated, it takes very little to set us off. Some people (like me) become over-stimulated when triggered and launch into action. I feel compelled to do something, fix a situation, or move. For others, the response is the opposite. When frightened or provoked, they’re more likely to collapse. They might retreat to bed, zone out in front of the TV, or turn to drugs, alcohol, or food for relief from the overwhelm of perceived danger.

Depending on our reaction to stress, we’ll need different methods to calm down. If you tend to swing into action like me, breathing with an extended exhale can help quickly engage the parasympathetic nervous system. Slowing down your speech, movements, and any activity can help, too. If you tend to retreat, noticing that you’re tuning out and gently re-engaging with the world through music, slow movements, or a supportive conversation with a friend can help. Think of it as carefully coming out of a cave to see if the coast is clear.

If you’re in your wisdom years, it’s important to consider additional stressors at play that may not seem obvious at first. The stress of having less energy to respond to life, feeling overcome by issues like the potential loss of financial support at a later stage of life, or the reality of mortality that creates a sense of urgency to live now before it’s too late.

I do a few things to be more available to myself during tough times. At the beginning of the week, I review my schedule to see if I need to cancel plans so I’m not rushing or feeling pressed for time. Presence needs space.

I set phone alarms that remind me to stop for five minutes to check in, breathe, and re-center. These alarms are healthy triggers that help me create peace throughout the day. Five minutes of silence and slow, deep breathing lower my heart rate and blood pressure and help me make choices from a stable center.

As mentioned above, sighing is another immediate tool you can use to calm down. Try it right now. First, rate your tension level on a scale from one to ten. Then, take a deep breath, open your mouth, and sigh out loud. Do this three or four times and notice if the number decreases.

I also do something else. Every day, I turn to a journal I kept in late 2023 and early 2024 at the suggestion of my friend, Susan. This journal is filled with letters to myself that remind me that I can handle tough times, that I need to be kind and patient with change, and to return to the present moment when I feel scared and eager to control life. Now and then, I come across a piece of writing that honestly feels like it came from a Loving Mother. Wisdom I’d never considered before. These entries reassure me that a powerful force is guiding my life when I get out of the way.

Community is another key piece of the nervous system regulation puzzle. And we have it here. Continuing with our Zoom experiment, I’ll host a live coaching session with a woman in her wisdom years this Wednesday at 3 pm ET (12 noon PT/6 pm GMT), followed by a Q&A period. You'll get the invite automatically if you’ve already registered for our Zoom events. If not, you can sign up here.

Love,
Cheryl

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