I’ve been talking to a lot of people lately who feel depleted, and not energized or motivated in the work they’re doing. They feel more irritated at others, and feeling like everything is a burden.

This is how it feels when your cup is empty. You’ve given a lot, you’ve served others, but now you’re feeling resentful or battered by it all.

How do we deal with this? Do we just power through? Do we give ourselves positive affirmations? Do we shut it all down and remove ourselves from society?

These are all reasonable ideas, but I don’t find any of them really work well. There’s another way — let’s talk about how to deal with this kind of situation.

Recognize You’re in This Place

If you don’t realize your cup is empty, you can’t do anything about it. So awareness is the most important step.

Here are some signs to look for:

• You’re feeling drained and exhausted
• You don’t feel motivated to do anything
• People irritate you more than usual
• Everything feels like a burden
• You’re feeling resentful for having to take care of others
• You don’t care about things as much as you normally do

First of all, there’s nothing wrong with feeling any of this! It’s a very human thing to feel, and a consequence of doing a lot in the world. Anyone who leads or serves will feel this sometimes.

So how do we deal with this? Let’s talk about some strategies.

Take Care of Yourself

The first thing to notice is that you’re feeling battered by the world, and very tender. Lots of people want to power through this, and force themselves to do something. Or they want to give up. Neither is that helpful.

Instead, take care of these battered and tender feelings:

1. Ask yourself what your inner rawness needs — some rest, space, deeper breath, compassion?
2. If needed, give yourself a bit of a break — some space and rest. Postpone some meetings, put some things off, let yourself recover.
3. Care about how you’re feeling rather than avoiding it. Start to act as if it’s OK to feel this way, and that it matters to you. Give yourself some love and compassion.

What kind of rest do you need? What kinds of comforting things would be helpful?

I find it helpful for myself if I create some space for rest by moving appointments and having a wide-open day or two. Then I take naps, go out in nature for walks, or get in some hugs from my wife and kids. Or do something fun. Or comforting: I like hot tea, a hot shower, cuddling and watching a movie, making vegan chocolate chip cookies.

How to Get Yourself to a More Open Place

Let’s say you did the two things above — recognize you’re in a battered and tender place, and do what you can to take care of yourself … now what?

What if you want to get yourself to a more open place, where you are lit up by your work and by life? Where you are excited to work with other people?

I don’t think it’s something that should be forced. We can’t force the heart to open.

That said, the heart will open when we’ve created the right conditions:

• You’ve cared about how you feel, and paid attention to it
• You’ve taken care of yourself, given yourself space, rest, breath, presence, love, nurturing, or whatever you need
• You do something heart-opening: gratitude, wonder, joy, love, compassion for others or yourself

These don’t have to be done all at once, nor are they sequential. You might give yourself some rest first, then care about how you feel, then do something small that’s heart-opening, then repeat a few times in small doses.

In fact, I’d say small doses usually work best. Just a little of each, whatever feels good instead of what you should do.

Heart opening things include:

• Spending a few minutes thinking of 3 things you’re grateful for today
• Going on a wonder walk and letting yourself find awe in nature
• Sending a small love note to someone you care about
• Letting yourself do something fun and joyful (dancing, playing games, frolicking in the ocean)
• Feeling compassion for someone who is suffering

Don’t force yourself to do any of these things. Do them when they feel good.

One little step at a time, your heart will open. Then you’ll be ready to take on your inspired life.

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