No Plan? No Problem.

Last week’s blog about redefining retirement hit a nerve just like it did in 2023 when I first published it.

Some readers wrote to say that they’d recently retired and were anxious to figure out what to do next. Others admitted to still working because they worried about how they’d fill their time if they stopped. And a handful of readers breathed a sigh of relief, feeling reassured that self-care and rest were valid new priorities.

When I decided to cut back on work more than five years ago, I also worried about what I’d do with my free time. After all, I’d been busy for decades. How would I continue to feel purposeful, engaged in life, and relevant? Who would I spend time with now that I’d leave colleagues to be home more? What kind of work would I continue to do and what would I let go of?

Having spent most of my life as a goal-focused doer, the idea of stopping felt pretty scary. So, I too, focused on what to “do” next. I filled my calendar with new projects, volunteer activities, and busyness. Seduced by the ego whose only agenda is to stay in motion, I started feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. That's when I found myself a mentor who had already walked this path. I discovered that to birth a new stage of life that felt truly meaningful, satisfying, and filled with a sense of aliveness, I’d have to do the opposite of what I’d always done. I’d need to sit still for a while. Yikes!

Dancing With Mystery

With help in place, I soon came to embrace the idea of dancing with mystery. Instead of working on a new book, I worked on being comfortable with uncomfortable feelings. Instead of filling my schedule with activities, I learned to make peace with boredom and uncertainty. I embraced the idea of relaxing my “doing” muscles and exercising my “being” muscles – a task that sounded more like homework than a path to peace and contentment at first.

Five years later, life is good–not necessarily flashy or overly exciting–but good. I’m finding a balance between doing and being and choosing priorities that give me energy. I continue to write this blog because I love doing it. I host Zoom gatherings when the inspiration strikes (a new one is coming soon!). I find great joy in simple things – the wildlife in our backyard, spending time with good friends, giving occasional talks, and the luxury of running errands without having to be home at a specific time. And I turn to silence every day where I find peace, presence, and perspective.

Choosing Presence Over Pressure

As a student who loves to learn, I’ve also been feeding my curiosity with new activities. I recently completed a master class on AI because I’m determined to use it for good. I’m still studying the piano. In fact, I just finished my first classical piece, which proves you can learn complex things at any age. My garden is flourishing because I’ve been able to show up with presence rather than impatience. And while I have an inkling that something new is on the horizon, I’ll trust life to show me what’s next.

So, all this to say that it’s okay to relax as you enter a new stage of the wisdom years. You can trust the journey without worrying about the destination. After all, Life has your back. It’s just waiting for you to stop moving long enough to lay its gifts at your feet.

Love,
Cheryl

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