Tips For Communicating

Hello friends,

Today I'd like to talk about the skill of venting to others - the dos and the don'ts. Continue reading for background and how to communicate so you are heard and receive helpful feedback.

Background

We've all been there - experiencing a challenge and wanting to vent to a friend or partner - without asking for their advice. This is a common practice, because we often want a neutral sounding board when we have an issue. Unless we navigate the dialogue properly, our friend or partner may jump in with advice or solutions - when that's not what we want.

On top of that, we may dislike their advice - both of us winding up frustrated.

Tips For Communicating

Here's a simple remedy for communicating with your friend or partner.

Your role: communicate directly what you need. Say, for example, "I just need to vent right now. I don't want any solutions, but I would love it if you could hear and validate me."

Keep in mind that often when you vent, the person hearing it feels a responsibility to fix it and make you happy. You can ease that burden by explaining, "This is a venting moment, not a brainstorming moment."

The fixer: then the friend or partner who's a "fixer" should do three things:

1. They need to reflect back. Something like, "This is what I hear you saying. Am I getting it right?"
2. Instead of asking a question that's designed to lead to solutions, they should pose a deepening question, which gets at the emotion behind whatever's bothering you. For example: "Tell me more about how that felt."
3. Finally, they need to validate you....(regardless of whether they agree)....it can be as simple as saying something like: "I see how that would make you feel frustrated."

When you approach venting in these ways, you will feel more supported. Another bonus is that venting helps you voice out loud what you've only been saying to yourself. Applying this practice - from both vantage points - helps you and your relationships.

An important thing to remember daily: we are alive in these historic moments of change to evolve by connecting with one another. Each connection is vital for our spiritual growth and what we can contribute to the world.

Feel free to reach out to me with any questions or feedback you have.

Thank you for referring your friends!

Wishing you love and blessings,

Selacia

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