Breaking the Rescuer Pattern
- Details
- Written by Judith Orloff MD

As a psychiatrist and empath, I know the challenges sensitive people have to be compassionate, empowered empaths without shouldering the suffering of others or trying to “fix” them. All people deserve the dignity of their own paths.
Empaths are blessed with open, loving hearts. We care deeply about others and the world. Many of us also have a special love for animals and all sentient creatures. Our emotions run deep, as does our intuition.
We empaths are helpers, lovers and caretakers who often give too much at the expense of our own well-being. Research suggests that our mirror neuron system (a part of the brain responsible for compassion) is hyper-active, which can burn us out. This is not how I choose to live. I want to be caring, but over-helping or absorbing someone’s distress just puts me on sensory overload which is painful to my sensitive body and soul. It also doesn’t serve the other person in any lasting way.
Here’s an excerpt from my book Thriving as an Empath, which is now available in paperback, to help you keep your empathy in balance.
Breaking the Rescuer Pattern
Sensitive people may want to help those who are struggling or in pain, including strangers. It may be hard to step back and refrain from rescuing them. This is where it is useful to understand the difference between empathy and being an empath. Empathy exists when your heart feels for someone–but being an empath is when you reach out to take away another’s pain. Healthy empathy is what is necessary to keep your center.
Naturally, you do what you can to assist loved ones. But there comes a point when they must do the work themselves. I know it is frustrating and painful to see someone you care about struggling. But getting caught in their frustration or offering unasked for suggestions is counterproductive for them and draining for you. To tolerate being in intimate relationships, you have to sometimes step back. Will the other person ever resolve the problem? You must live with that uncertainly. But always hold good thoughts and prayers for them while giving them space. In addition, a mantra I find helpful is: “I am not responsible.” As you repeat this, you will feel your need to rescue others lift.
Set your intention. It is not my job to rescue anyone or fix their problems. I will learn the balance between healthy empathy and stepping back.
Thriving as an empath means learning to love yourself as much as you care about the world. This includes realizing how profoundly important your empathy is in our over-intellectualized society. Your caring provides the crack of light in the darkness that
(Adapted from Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People)
© 2022 crystalwind.ca. All rights reserved. We track all IP addresses. Using a VPN will now also get tracked to original source IP.
Liked this article? Dive deeper into personal growth and wellness! Check out CrystalWind.ca for spiritual wisdom or explore AromaWorx.ca for natural well-being tips. Spread the positivity—share this with friends on their happiness journey!
Let’s Chat! Drop Your Thoughts Below!
Latest Articles

Imagine a world of inspiration and healing, free for all—made possible by YOU!
Donate Now—Ignite the Magic at CrystalWind.ca!
Epilepsy - Finding A Cure
Your donation can make a difference!
Help us find a cure – donate now!
Unlock Your Light: Join Lightworkers Worldwide on CrystalWind.ca!
Follow Us!
Featured This Month
Litha Sabbat - The Summer Solstice
Gardens are blooming, and summer is in full swing. Fire up the barbeque, turn ... Read more
Sun in Gemini
Sun in Gemini May 21 through June 20 An Overview of Sun Sign Characteristic... Read more
A Simple Summer Solstice Ritual with Crystal…
June 20, 2016 is this year’s summer solstice, marking&n... Read more
Deer Medicine
Deer is not only a medicine someone can carry, it is a Native American birth... Read more
The Hawthorn Tree - May 13 - June 9
Celtic Symbol : The Chalice Zodiac Degrees : 21º00` Taurus - 17º59 Gemini ... Read more
Rutilated Quartz
The Energy Buster Stone Rutilated Quartz is an illuminator for the soul, pr... Read more
Litha - The Midsummer Solstice
The Litha festival is one of the lesser Sabbats of the Witches annual calend... Read more
Crystal Gem: Grids and Gridding
What are Crystal Gem Grids? They are tools for empowerment, for blessings, ... Read more