•  
Support crystalwind.ca with your donation and help spread spirituality and positivity. Blessings!

This article was posted by CrystalWind.ca

A+ A A-

Bullying Within the Family System

Bullying Within the Family System

When it comes to bullying, we mostly associate the term with workplace bullying, school bullying or online bullying.

Most of us wouldn’t think of associating it with family; this is partly because we have been programmed to believe such conduct is just part of the “normal” dysfunctionality within any family and partly because calling it for what it is, would simply hurt too much–after all, most of us subconsciously hope for a loving, supportive, respectful and safe family.

Most of the time family bullying takes the form of “Relational Aggression”--which is aggression in which harm is caused by damaging someone’s relationships, social status, reputation or using gas lighting; usually in an attempt to cover up more disturbing behavior within the family system.

Family bullying turns what should have been the safest “social” circle into the most dangerous enemies; specially to our psyche, as this will have a hard time reconciling the extremes of what was and what should have been–seriously eroding the core of our foundation and our ability to trust not just others, but our own judgements and choices.

Family bullying is usually based on constant criticism, humiliation, contempt and manipulation by parents, siblings, aunts, uncles or other figures towards a particular member. That kind of joint dynamic is almost always directed by a perpetrator who wishes to conceal darker secrets (usually physical and/or mental abuse). Sadly, perpetrators like predators, are expert manipulators to whom certain less powerful or ignorant family members adhere in an effort to avoid conflict or because they do not want to face hard truths. Other times however, family bullying can come masqueraded as “nice”–this means that a family member may use the attitude of “wanting to help”, being congenial only to get information which will later on be twisted, manipulated or used to gas light; hoping to get everyone else to see the victim of bullying as “crazy”, “troublemaker”, “just seeking attention”, among other more malevolent characterizations.

Having the enemy at home means not having any shelter or source of support. Growing up as the black sheep or the ugly duckling is traumatic, as in general these situations are not resolved when they reach adulthood. If the member of the family who is considered to be the “black sheep” chooses to start defending his or herself, he or she is often met with horrendous backlash; the responses will vary from mean behavior, judgmental attitudes, to sayings such as: “if it was true, then why didn’t you say anything as a child” to more cruel ones like “you must have asked for it”.

Such ignorant comments; like the ones above; can only be said by minds so incapable of taking any type of responsibility. Minds which certainly lack any wisdom or maturity to understand children don’t tend to speak up out of fear; when they do, sadly most people don’t believe them…why? because children “have a vivid imagination”. Perhaps it is time we stop promoting such phrase when a child speaks up; after all, children speak or even create their world based on their personal experiences or events they witness–to say otherwise, would be to say all children are delusional and we should not believe anything that comes out of their mouth.

Many times, we express to those who confide in us about having grown up being bullied or who are being bullied as adults, to simply “forget about it”, “just think positive and don’t look back”, “just forgive them”–this type of advice may be well intended, but it reflects our ignorance on the process of healing.

Bullying Within the Family System

The most common way to avoid a bulling is by moving away from the presence causing the oppression; however, as we well know, this is not always possible. The person who is victim of family harassment (specially children) may spend many years in an environment from which it is impossible to flee–let’s think about the ramifications of that before we so easily advice to simply “just get over it”. It is true there are times when victims of bullying or abuse fall prey to getting used to being in the victim seat, and that is not healthy behavior; however, most victims of bullying or abuse just want justicethey want to heal and stop feeling the horrible pain they carry inside–instinctively they know, such process won’t seriously start to take place until they say out loud what they have kept quiet for far too long. Again, here are the wise words from Carl Jung “that which you deny, controls you”, same applies for that which one hides; it can eat at you day in and day out. One may choose to cover it up with superficialities, with false pleasantries and a false idea of forgiveness, meanwhile the wound simply keeps festering and will manifest itself in more destructive ways.

Family bullying can be confusing at first, for it usually starts when we are still young and we normalize certain dynamics. However, as we grow up, we become aware that the behavior of certain family members should not ever be permissible; for no one has the right to steal our peace and erode the foundation of our wellbeing.

The signs of bullying vary, but they usually express themselves as such: they humiliate the victim for who they are, what they do and what they say. They turn him or her into the ugly duckling. They undervalue and demean. They intimidate and silence, not giving him or her any sign of importance to what they say, or simply exclude him or her from everything, in order to avoid certain subjects from coming to “light”. They take sides without hearing both the whole truth, but claim they are neutral. They apply emotional blackmail and manipulation. They use disparaging comparisons and use behaviors of superiority. It is common to accuse the victim of selfishness for wanting justice, or of liking “drama” for exposing malicious, twisted, and/or abusive behavior.

Psychology has shown time and time again, the serious repercussions of neglect, abuse, bullying and others. The longer such conduct takes place, the more damage it does to the mind, body and soul of the person on the receiving end. As such, we cannot continue condoning such behavior as “normal” or simply part of the dysfunctionality within very family. It is true every family is difunctional in one way or another; it is not true however, that everyone family is abusive towards certain members. Such belief can only be fathomed by deeply ignorant minds or people with far lower self-esteem than the person they seek to silence; for it is proven that bullies tend to pick not on the person who is the weakest, but on the person who at his or her core is the strongest–such person usually exposes a gentle nature; specially as a child; however, this does not mean the person is weak.

Setting boundaries, safeguarding our emotions, practicing self-care, seeking out valid support figures, and putting distance from aggressive family members is key to our well-being.

No one has the right to cause us any kind of harm. It is fully justified and logical to choose to defend oneself. No figure should instill fear, insecurity, pain, in an effort to turn us into empty people or slaves. The family should be a nourishing setting, not a malicious battlefield– no one has the right to demand your loyalty to tyrannical behavior. Likewise, no one has the right to judge you from staying away from people, who although may share blood ties, choose to use you as their personal escape goat or punching bag.

If someone confides in you about bullying within the family; specially if it is a child; take it seriously, respond as soon as possible and report such situations; you may just help save a life.

To be mature isn’t to choose to pretend that everything is fine when it isn’t. To be mature is to be able to face life as it is and to do what is necessary, even if it does not make one the most “popular” or most “accepted” by others.


Sofia Falcone

Sofia Falcone
I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges and hopes, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves.

Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with written permission from Sofia Falcone.

Source here

© 2022 crystalwind.ca. All rights reserved. We track all IP addresses. Using a VPN will now also get tracked to original source IP.

Pin It

© CrystalWind.ca 2024. All content (articles, imagery, fair use) & design protected. Written permission required for copying. All rights reserved.

Join the Conversation Now! Comment Below! arrow down small 11

CrystalWind.ca is free to use because of donations from people like you. Please help support us! 
Blessings!

Follow this blog

Featured Writers

crystal-wind-oracle-mobile-app
Cut Through The Illusions!
Available On
Apple  | Android | Amazon
NEW Expanded Version - 53 cards!

Spirit Animal Totem Of The Day!

CrystalWind.ca is free to use because of
donations from people like you.
Donate Now »

CrystalWind.ca Donation!

Unlock Your Light: Join Lightworkers Worldwide on CrystalWind.ca!

 

Follow Us!

 

Who is Online Now

We have 15581 guests and no members online

Featured This Month

Page:

Wild Rose

Wild Rose

Wild Rose Fills your life with soft romance. Gender: Feminine Planet: Venus... Read more

Chalcedony

Chalcedony

The Stone Of Orators Chalcedony was very popular as a decorative stone in ant... Read more

Moonstone

Moonstone

Moonstone is one of the best stones for bringing emotional calm and stability,... Read more

The Holly Tree: July 8th - August 4th

The Holly Tree: July 8th - August 4th

The Fire Festival Of Lammas Celtic Symbol : The Unicorn And The Flaming Spe... Read more

Birth Totem - Woodpecker

Birth Totem - Woodpecker

Birth Totem Woodpecker Birth dates: June 21 - July 21 Read more

Sun in Cancer

Sun in Cancer

An Overview of Sun Sign Characteristics for Cancer Read more

Strong Sun Moon

Strong Sun Moon

Flicker – Carnelian Agate – Wild Rose – Pink June 21 – July 22 Read more

Lugh - Celtic God Of The Sun

Lugh - Celtic God Of The Sun

The god Lugh was worshiped in Ireland as a deity of the sun. This connection... Read more

Lammas

Lammas

Lammas Ritual Celebrated August 1st. Lammas is also known as Lughnasadh, La... Read more

Cancer

Cancer

CANCER Jun 21 - Jul 22 Read more

Cancer Mythology

Cancer Mythology

The Hidden Myth Behind the Zodiac Sign Had the Scriptures of Delphi never b... Read more

Calcite

Calcite

The Cleansing Stone Calcite is a powerful amplifier and cleanser of energy.... Read more

Abalone Shell

Abalone Shell

Echos Of The Ancestors Abalone strengthens the structure of the body and th... Read more

Lammas by The Hedgewitch

Lammas by The Hedgewitch

Although in the heat of a Mid-western summer it might be difficult to discer... Read more

Egyptian Zodiac/Astrology

Egyptian Zodiac/Astrology

Egyptian astrology was one of the earliest forms of astrology. The Egyptians... Read more

© 2008-2024 CrystalWind.ca. All rights reserved. Site Creation by CrystalWind.ca.
Web Hosting by Knownhost.com

 

 

X

Right Click

No right click