When grief and gratitude walk together. 

I roam the house in the early light, caught between two worlds. I feel the joy of the holiday season and the sorrow of grief and loss. This liminal space is familiar. It’s a place where beauty and pain collide to make meaningful moments that leave us feeling thankful despite the sadness. As I step out onto the back deck into the cold morning air, I remember some of these moments from the last few days.

A majestic bald eagle comes to me in a dream, perched at the top of a pine tree in our backyard and I wake feeling protected and connected to other realms.

I sit quietly at the bedside of my father-in-law who is preparing for his next great adventure, and I’m overwhelmed with gratitude for the gift he’s been in my life and for the hospice angels who are comforting and kind.

At dusk, when the world has stilled, I hear the distant call of a barred owl and decide that he’s singing to me. I breathe in the magic of this moment.

I drive along the reservoir near our home and remind myself to embrace the sadness that comes with a year of firsts. Holidays without my Mother and our friend, Ileen, will not be the same and I know in my bones that acceptance will soften the blow.

The full moon shines a spotlight on the upstairs hallway as it makes its way across the skylight. I go to bed smiling at how nature provides a kind of grounding that keeps us tethered to the earth when grief tries to pull us away.

The discussion continues about whether or not to put up a Christmas tree and I’m okay either way. I note the maturity of this response and feel relieved by the comfort that life experience provides.

I laugh out loud again when I recall shopping with my sister Lisa and giggling together as we read through funny sayings on coasters in a gift shop.

Loved ones lose loved ones and receive tough news and the invitation to be a source of comfort is a welcomed reminder that pain visits everyone and we get through it together.

Life is a mixed bag. I’m old enough to know that we’re not owed a good life. We make one. It’s all in how we handle the moment unfolding before us.

May you find peace in your journey this holiday season.

Love,
Cheryl

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