If You’re Having A Hard Time - Detach and Have Compassion for Yourself

Friday, 11 November 2022 Written by Robert Wilkinson

It’s clear that many people have been having a hard time for any number of reasons. Some powerful friction has pervaded the air for a long time, coming to a head in the recent Total Lunar Eclipse T-square putting a punctuation point on the white hot gear grinding of our times.

Because it’s perfectly normal to have a hard time every once in a while, today we’ll revisit some coping skills which may be useful, given the intensity of the current and near future friction. And even if you’re not having a hard time, I'm sure you know someone else who is unhappy due to current challenges.

This originated in an answer to an email. A friend was having a very hard time with other people’s judgments and their own responses, and were struggling to find equilibrium while feeling overwhelmed by other people’s attacks, putdowns, coercions and destructive behaviors. They said they felt “schizo,” “crazy,” and other unhelpful self-assessments, and felt they had lost their way.

Without doubt, “misery loves company.” When others are feeling sad, angry, confused, or frustrated, it’s perfectly human for them to try to involve us or attack us in some way. That doesn’t mean anything they’re saying is true, but it’s also human to feel like we are responsible in some way for the larger hurt feelings in the air.

Here we have to examine what we’re really feeling, and whether it’s a learned personal response or we’re just picking up on the collective craziness and despair. If we’re picking up on something which doesn’t make sense, it equally makes no sense to attribute those feelings to a personal flaw. There are many factors in play whenever we feel anything, since we are one with the collective field, and if we feel at all, we’ll feel all there is to feel.

Remember that the planets don’t “make anything happen,” even if there may be correlations between what’s going on in the heavens and what’s happening here on Earth. The past 2 years we’ve all gone through profound evolutionary challenges because of the shift from 200 years of materialism into the dawning 200 year era of understanding interrelatedness and a need for greater group cooperation. Add the many Eclipses which have taken away more than we imagine, and it’s hard to keep track of who and what is coming or going.

I am reminded of an ancient wise saying that it doesn't matter what people say or think about us, and that even what we think about ourselves isn't the whole picture either. So any attacks which make us feel badly, whether attacks from within ourselves or from an external source, still must be taken with a proverbial grain of salt, since those attacks may have nothing to do with us, even if we feel badly when in the middle of them. Remember we’ve learned a lot of responses when younger which may not be appropriate when we’re older, like trying to take responsibility for someone else’s toxic behavior.

As we move through life experiences, we're either operating from our heart center and living our integrity or we aren't. Other people have opinions, but don’t have to live our life, make our choices, and live with the consequences of our actions and inactions. If our duty to our Higher Self requires the strictest integrity in our actions, feelings, and thoughts, then we must be as open hearted and open minded as possible while charting our own course through the fogs and confusions of the mass consciousness.

If we’re living our integrity, then there’s really no problem regardless of what others say. If we are not, then all we need to do is get back to living our integrity and it still doesn't matter what others say. Finding fault is less important than finding a positive way to act toward a greater good.

With a degree of dispassion, detachment, and compassion, we can see how regardless of our feelings in the moment, we are Higher Selves having human experiences as we integrate our personality on the path to mastering life and fulfilling our purpose for being here. Because we learn from both difficult and easy experiences, it’s always good to take an inventory from time to time and thank those who have helped us and move on into our power and clarity to do as we must.

We are in charge of our lives and our actions and our relationships, and each of us is our own absolute law-giver, “the dispenser of glory or gloom” to ourselves by what we say “yes” to, and what we say “no” to. That’s why trying to fulfill our destiny by taking orders from others won’t get the job done. We each have our own ticket to ride, and each of us has our individual lessons to learn, as well as certain universals in the human condition which awaken us to compassion and empathy. That’s why sometimes the difficult feelings have to be seen in the context of generic humanity, and all we can do is generate compassion for ourselves and others and the entire irrational system which we live in.

When it comes to what triggers our feelings, remember that we all go through hormonal and chemical changes as a function of having a physical body. Sometimes we’re chemically imbalanced, and usually we are not objective enough to know that, nor are we in any position to determine what is out of balance and how to get back to some sense of equilibrium. That’s when it’s very important to be cautious in what we do, think, feel, and consume.

I have noted over the years that when people are in pain and confused, they often revert to thinking some very unhelpful things about themselves. Calling ourselves “schizo,” “crazy,” and other such descriptors cannot help us in any way. If we need help, then we need to find help. At these times, our ego is usually obstructive, since it wants what it wants regardless of whatever others call us or we call ourselves.

If our imbalance and confusion comes from chemical/genetic/heredity issues, then there is one set of things to do. If it's simply a matter of lifestyle and associations, then it's another set of things to do. Once we become objective about the source of our “hard time,” then we can set about doing whatever we must to “not have a hard time.” One of the afflictions of the mind which creates suffering is the mind suffering over its own suffering.

When we are in pain and confusion, if we can’t make it better, it’s equally important not to make it worse! We certainly don’t need to aggravate our suffering by doing things that can’t alleviate that suffering. That often means we have to avoid dysfunctional (even if somewhat well meaning) people who encourage self-destructive or hedonistic behavior, or put us down. And when we are most confused or in pain, we are immediately helped by any variety of things, including therapy, meditation, yoga, Tai Chi, Chi Gong, Reiki, communing with Nature, or other forms of therapeutic disciplines.

While getting back to sanity can be arduous, it's also the only way to live. Being happy sure beats suffering, but “being happy” requires a degree of disciplining the mind to cultivate the attitudes which bring us happiness. All human problems have solutions. We may not like them, but they will solve our problems. We only have to be willing to give them an honest try.

Ultimately, any feeling that we’ve “lost our way” or are isolated or defensive help us to remember we are ultimately the ones who steer our ship of personality wherever we choose. This is the doorway where we can begin consciously identifying with the way of Spirit rather than the way of matter. Again, our inner integrity means more than any external thing, and we do not have to stay confused or anything else, since these are temporary states of perception that have no permanence.

We ARE an Eternal Consciousness having human experiences. We are all learning how to navigate the 4D reality and were not raised by saints or sages. We all go through difficulty until we learn what we need to learn. And it seems that if we don’t take care of important things in one round, we will have to take care of them in another.

When we realize all forms pass away, both pleasurable and painful, then we can learn a healthy detachment. I have also found it helpful to regard my suffering as happening to my personality while my Soul just loves me, everyone else, and everything through it all.

When we are most disoriented, it’s important for us to get clear about what is truly real, conditionally real, apparently real, and inherently unreal. Then we won't fall into illusions. There are many illusions and delusions in the world of perception, and we can master not falling into these by cultivating discernment. Once we understand the true nature of what is disorienting us, then it’s easy to apply the spiritual solutions to these personality problems.

Remembering that the mind is inherently pessimistic, we can learn how to generate positivity on our own behalf. The ability to generate positivity as we choose, any time we choose, is the antidote to the mind suffering over its own suffering. As we generate good will, many troubles fall away like dead leaves in Autumn.

When things are most “crazy” and make the “least sense,” we are offered true opportunities to leave behind perceptual chains and traps, stop identifying with that which seems “crazy” or “doesn’t make sense,” and open to seeing what IS from a greater holistic perception. It’s all part of our human journey of de-identifying with the world of ego, and choosing to view it with the understanding of our Higher Self. Use your imagination to find ways to release the pressure and move in a different direction than the one in which you're having a "hard time."

If we need help, then we need help. Those who seek shall find what they need to understand and move forward in their power. Just make sure it’s not ego perpetuating an illusion. If we're open to our heart's wisdom, we can move in any direction we want which leads us to our Higher Self. We can do whatever we need to do to heal into love without needing anyone else’s permission.

A milestone is passed when we overcome the fears which ego persistently attaches to itself. Regardless of where fear originated, our task is to destroy it completely and for all time by becoming the greater Loving Wise Intelligence of our Higher Self. While it can be a struggle from time to time, your Inner Spiritual Warrior can never be defeated. Only ego can be defeated. And when it is, then Spirit triumphs! What’s not to like?

Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with written permission from Robert Wilkinson. Copying this article to other blogs is strictly prohibited. It is copyright protected. 

© Copyright 2022 Robert Wilkinson

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