Category: Shifting Perspectives Written by Sofia Falcone
As I was re-reading some of my Tantric Books and old material, I came across a beautiful piece that focuses on the sexual wounds we carry, and which like childhood wounds, have tremendous impact on our lives. As such, I would like to share some of what I read with all of you….
Some may think this article is focused only on women, but that isn’t accurate. It is true that Tantra focuses of the Goddess as the creative power and on the males as the Gods who can liberate and transform such creative power….this piece is for both, men and women.
Just as emotional wounds leave an imprint in our hearts from the first years of life, waiting to be felt and embraced….to be healed–a woman’s uterus can contain sexual wounds inflicted throughout the trajectory of her sex life; and this wounds can affect not only her but her partners. Moreover, women who decide to have sex repeatedly with men who do not love them, who use, abuse and / or hurt them in different ways in the act of penetrating, are exposing themselves to an emotional pain of sexual component inside their uterus. It is true that some women can separate love from sexuality; however those type of women are Psychologically sexually mature; as such, they are very picky about whom their sexual partner(s) may be. For them it is not about empty sex but pure ecstasy, and that can’t be achieved by sharing oneself with just about anyone who is willing.
Unfortunately, like many things in our current society, female sexual empowerment has been equated with abuse of self…many claim they represent the Goddess–sexuality without shame–but they seem to miss that the Goddess archetype is not one who abuses her body, but one who knows when and how to express her sexual power; more importantly, she has developed and cultivated her Psychological and Spiritual Goddess to a place of maturity.
To simply engage in empty sex or to treat the body as nothing but a piece of meat, is mental immaturity at its finest, and often the result of psychological wounds–instead of healing those first, in their pain they confuse facing oneself, with “challenging” a system by promoting “vengeance”…even through their sexuality; vengeance in actions rather than healing. Vengeance against the old patriarchal system, against the women who believe that castrating their sexuality and acting proper means worthy or better than, yet secretly they harbor anger and disdain towards the sensual woman or those whom they confuse as sensual.
The first group seeks vengeance through defiance, but when defiance is just as immature as the system that oppresses, the results are the same if not worst–it is easy to mislead a society and make them feel free when taking them from one extreme to the other…either extreme leads to the same….those in control and those who are controlled.
Sensuality is quite different than abuse of self. A sensual woman will not ever violate her body in anger, in false freedom, nor will she ever seek vengeance over males–belittling them, seeking to emasculate them–a sensual woman understands the true power of a masculine man. A true masculine man is not one who sees himself as better than a woman; on the contrary, he understands they are counterparts. They don’t seek to be equal in everything because that is cutting oneself from their own respective powers….there are things which are only given to the feminine being and those that lay within the masculine. We are not equals on how we carry that energy inside; otherwise we would all be women or we would all be men. We are not equal on how our inner mechanism express themselves; for they are different energies; but we are equal divine beings–both deserving of love and respect. When we respect one another, it matters not anymore about being male or female, one is capable of being free within our differences, and it is actually those differences that create the magick we seek….they compliment one another.
I will not deny that our society vastly promotes the abuse of the female and her power but let’s not pretend that women do not also sexually and emotionally hurt men when they mistreat him in all his ways, when they use, manipulate and devalue him; castrating him, making him incapable to be the one who holds space for her.
Having said all of these, today the focus on the sexual wounds of women, because the uterus is a container that can contain emotional damage when it is treated as a sexual object, when it is a place where different men discharge their frustrations, resentments and emotional residues–this piece however can be useful to any man who knows how to love, protect and respect women….not in rigidity but in openness.
Pseudo Science would have you believe that there is nothing harmful in fluid exchange; as such we should not give much thought to our bodies being shared with one person or another–in other words, this paradigm seeks to equate a human being with just another animal…no thank you. We can’t have our cake and eat it too….we can’t call ourselves as the most complex, developed specie and yet act by pure instinct. Even that comparison is wrong, for animals act of instinct yet their instinct has a purpose; so are they saying we are even less than that?….
Tantra, and pure science tells us that the energies are mixed when there are different sexual partners and that those energies remain for up to seven years in the woman’s body–affecting not only her but her new partners. To Tantra, every sexual encounter creates a bond–it doesn’t have to memorable in your mind, but just like most things subconscious, it does affect your own energy center and the way you start to look at the world. Women are pure creative energy, as such they perceive this bond unconsciously; that is why we feel linked after the sexual act. Tantric women or psychologically mentally mature women, feel these effects and decide to be more careful and selective in choosing their sexual partners–at times taking time to celibate in order to detox the body–that way they heal themselves and they only give away healing energy during the sexual act. Their choices aren’t based on rigidity and false moralistic views; they simply don’t need to use and abuse men to please themselves. They can self gratify intensely; as such a male becomes a partner not a toy.
“Sexual liberation has brought fast sex. Fast and utilitarian sex. There are narcissistic, destructive and self-centered men who seek their own gratification and from their unconsciousness and ignorance use the woman to ejaculate as a means of releasing their energy, their frustrations and even their aggressive impulses. There are women who expose themselves out of ignorance or naivety and unconsciousness, because they do not understand the price they are paying when orgasming with men who are only using them, for they have no rapport. Many sexual encounters are experienced lightly when deep down there is exploitation, subjugation, contempt, rivalry, devaluation, abuse. Just as no one is surprised at the consequences a woman suffers when she is raped or abused, presenting traumas that need to be healed, we should not be surprised when through empty sex, even if it is consensual, leaves similar repercussions.
There are women who do not know how to set limits when it comes to sex, they do whatever the man wants out of fear rather than the pure desire to do so. There are women who do not take care of themselves, who are not aware of what hurts them; especially young women. Allowing herself to be penetrated indiscriminately, which consumes her vital energy and undermines her power and creative strength. The womb is a center of perception and decision-making; the energetic center and seat of vitality, well-being and spirit, cradle of our instinct and vital force, sacred place with which we need to reconnect and be fully aware of its extraordinary life-generating force.
When a woman has sex with selfish men who do not love her, she is accentuating the wound on the feminine. The woman who gives empty sex in exchange for love pays a price: she usually falls in love when having sex, because her nature is to love in sexual relations, she opens up to receive and then feels linked”
All of the above is accurate, I have seen many women with sexual wounds and different physical and psychological symptoms (depression, insecurity, devaluation, anxiety, guilt–not rooted in other traumas but on empty sex or having themselves allowed to be used). These women have been in relationship with narcissistic men, sexually immature men, absent in sexual relations, lost in their fantasies of self-satisfaction. A Tantric woman or mentally sexually mature woman, is picky on her choices–once she chooses her partner, she will test his mind first, his spirit…pushing him to his limits, nudging him to question the depth of his being while soothing him–only after that, will she shamelessly let him know of her intentions–sacred yet wild–such encounters then become energy producing rather than energy depleting. Empty sex…where moments of the most basic orgasmic pleasure become the center, instead of deep, meaningful, passionate earth shattering orgasms–as women, we deny ourselves all of that by giving our body to anyone who is willing.
“The woman herself is harmed when she acts from a masculine pattern, with a superficial sexuality detached from the heart, by allowing the man to use her to discharge and relieve his sexual tension, in a sexual act that is a form of masturbation. Now, what is not good for her cannot be good for him either, keep in mind that the same little consideration he demonstrated, is what he carries within, his energy is not developed, as such of little use.
The pelvis is a container of physical, emotional and spiritual energies. It is the zone of creativity, expressiveness, sensuality. The womb is the pure matrix of divine energy, the repository of sexual history, both good erotic and traumatic experiences. The pelvis reflects sexuality, the ability to root ourselves and find our place in the world. Enjoying a healthy pelvis allows women to enjoy good sexuality and live their female cycles naturally. When a woman is freed from the false desire to please and values her pelvis, the energy flows and creativity is released, she recovers the strength and power of her hara and begins to integrate the archetype of the wild woman.
The woman also assaults her uterus when she rejects the sacred female cycles and believes that menstruation is something annoying that limits her and hinders her rhythm to act on an equal footing with the man. A woman has to discern between what does her good and what does her harm. It is necessary to recognize the value and meaning of female cycles and heal the pain, fear and resentments of the uterus by becoming aware and contacting internal sexual wounds.
Once the woman meets a man who understands about bonds, healing rapport, then she will give away pure energy. The relationship doesn’t have to serious or the norm, but it needs to be open and from a loving place. When a woman gets involved with a man who wants to get emotionally involved, it can happen that the emotional pain of sexual component that has been accumulated in her uterus comes to light, wounds for both may manifest providing them the opportunity for healing in a safe and loving atmosphere. A shallow man, an empty man or a man incapable of feeling, can only represent through the sexual act, all those who have previously harmed the woman and when she comes into contact with him, the wounds will only get deeper.
Now, contact with a man who is on a path of consciousness, who has opened his heart and integrated his feminine energy without emasculating himself, greatly facilitates the drainage of sexual and emotional wounds and helps her heal her uterus. He sees her as a Goddess, not just someone to possess sexually and she embraces him in a complete and confident surrender. A man who honors and reveres the feminine is what a woman needs to heal her wounds and which without knowing, he needs as well”
Tantric sexuality represents an extraordinary help in the healing of the sexual wounds of women – and also for those of men – because it has a high transformative power capable of rebalancing all planes, from the physical and emotional to the spiritual; making it possible to incorporate in each loving encounter new information to the body and soul–all coming from a place of real self respect, freedom to be uninhibited, consideration and unconditional love. In the words of Barry Long: “Make love out of love, just out of love. And when you’re making love don’t expect anything beyond that moment. If there is not enough love in your partner, stop doing it; don’t make love.”–a woman who understands this at heart, is a powerful creature…a passionate wild being, whom only those willing to face her can touch.
It is essential for the woman who walks a path of consciousness to be extremely careful in the choice of her sexual partners–far from being a sign of repression or false moralistic denial, it is sexual freedom at its finest…for it means going a little further and being fully responsible and aware of the consequences of our choices.
I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges and hopes, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves.
Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with written permission from Sofia Falcone.
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