•  
A+ A A-

The Things That We Call Love

The Things That We Call Love
 
Click to image to enlarge.

I‘ve been using the chart above for many years, and it’s evolved somewhat, but what it’s basically saying is:

  1. Everything we call love is a conditioned chemical response to sensory stimuli.
  2. Nature, in order to propagate the species effectively, hooks us into “falling in love,” deploying a cocktail of powerful chemicals that stimulate us to become emotionally and sexually attracted to the other person. Then, to settle us down for the longer haul, she substitutes endorphins for the more powerful chemicals.
  3. Emotional love and sexual attraction are prompted by different chemicals, and can often occur independently. Women, for whatever reason, usually seem better able than men to appreciate the difference, and not conflate or confuse the two.
  4. Other forms of love — our aesthetic love for a work of art, our sensory love of a tropical beach or a forest in the moonlight, and our intellectual love of an idea, model or theory — almost assuredly have concomitant chemical prompters, but nobody seems to know what they are.

Wild creatures seem prone to the same biologically-conditioned chemical prompts for emotional and sexual attraction as humans, but their emotional attraction is simpler (and probably much healthier) than humans,’ drawing on what appear to be almost universal caring and nurturing instincts, and universal biophilia (feelings of love towards all forms of life).

In humans, while we are reacting to the same chemical prompts, our cultural conditioning massively complicates our emotional responses by:

  • taking our love-interest’s reciprocal interest in us (or its lack) personally, as if it had something to do with our behaviour or character or appearance, rather than being an irresistible chemical response
  • expecting love to fulfil our need or longing for ‘completeness’ and what seems to be missing from our lives
  • telling a story about our love, and what it ‘means’

The Things That We Call Love

So, when it comes to sexual attraction, and our animal instincts to care for and nurture others, and our innate biophilia, we, and our feelings of love, are, I think, no different from those of many other creatures.

But beyond that, humans seem to feel a need, a longing, a yearning, to fill an empty space within them, to reconnect in a way that, I suspect, other creatures have no need to do. So when we fall in love, and get some brief inkling of what it is like to be really alive, without the false veil of self and separation from everything else, we expect and want that love to fill that empty space “forever after”.

That is an enormous burden to place on a relationship, and on another person, and it is no surprise that sudden, profound feelings of love are so often followed, sooner or later, by feelings of disappointment. For us, sexual attraction and our innate caring and nurturing and biophilia are, somehow, never quite enough (unless we have been conditioned to set our expectations very low).

With the chemicals triggered by falling in love, the sense of self and separation can temporarily diminish, bringing about a fleeting freedom from our enduring feelings of incompleteness (only to roar back if there is jealousy or if the feelings are unrequited).

In a domesticated creature, if there is a lack of healthy attachment (e.g., if an animal is taken from its mother too soon), or if the creature lacks a sense of autonomy, it might have human-like feelings of neediness, dependence and anxiety, but I’d question whether that’s really love.

With wild creatures (and also when, in a human, there is no sense of self and separation), this neediness and longing appear to be absent, so that biological conditioning (sexual attraction and the caring/nurturing and biophilia instincts) prevail, and cultural conditioning plays a much smaller role.

My sense, then, is that ‘needy’ love, even when two people are able to fill each other’s needs, is rather unhealthy. If our brains weren’t too large for our own good, conjuring up an illusory sense of self, separation and control over ourselves (including control over when and who we love), would we all be like wild creatures, simply and un-judgementally playing out our biological conditioning? Would we then be free of all the anxiety, jealousy, envy, shame and other negative feelings, and the enormous expectations and demands we place on those we love to fill that horrible empty space of incompleteness that we so often carry with us most of our lives?

What I see, sadly, in so many fraught human relationships, is conditional love, and it is conditional upon receiving something from the one(s) we love. Whereas in wild creatures what I see instead (and this is of course only a guess) is unconditional love — love that is free of expectations, judgements, and demands. Love that accepts everyone and everything exactly as it is, as the only way it could possibly be.

When there have been glimpses here when my ‘self’ disappeared, it was this amazing, unconditional love that was seen.

Or at least, that’s how it appeared. But maybe that’s just what this old, idealistic, bewildered, romantic fool — tired of everything seeming so much harder than it instinctively should be, than it needs to be — wants to believe.

Credit

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons License.

Source Here
Dave Pollard's chronicle of civilization's collapse, creative works and essays on our culture. A trail of crumbs, runes and exclamations along my path in search of a better way to live and make a living, and a better understanding of how the world really works.

© 2023 crystalwind.ca. All rights reserved. We track all IP addresses. Using a VPN will now also get tracked to original source IP.

Pin It

Liked this article? Dive deeper into personal growth and wellness! Check out CrystalWind.ca for spiritual wisdom or explore AromaWorx.ca for natural well-being tips. Spread the positivity—share this with friends on their happiness journey!

Let’s Chat! Drop Your Thoughts Below! Scroll down to comment

Keep CrystalWind.ca free—your gift matters now!
Help us spread light today. Thank you, supporters!

Follow this blog

Featured Writers

Thank You for Visiting CrystalWind!

We’re honored to be part of your journey.

Share your thoughts at .

Let’s grow together!

The Crystal Wind Oracle App
Shatter Illusions – Gain Clarity Now!
Instant Access On:
Apple | Android | Amazon
New! 53-Card Deck for Deeper Wisdom

Imagine a world of inspiration and healing, free for all—made possible by YOU!
Donate Now—Ignite the Magic at CrystalWind.ca!

Support CrystalWind.ca Today!

Unlock Your Light: Join Lightworkers Worldwide on CrystalWind.ca!

Call For Writers

Call For Writers!

Follow Us!

Featured This Month

Page:

Gemini Mythology

Gemini Mythology

The Legend Behind the Gemini Zodiac Sign The roots of constellation stories... Read more

A Simple Summer Solstice Ritual with Crystal…

A Simple Summer Solstice Ritual with Crystals

June 20, 2016 is this year’s summer solstice, marking&n... Read more

Gemini

Gemini

GEMINI May 21 - June 20 Read more

Crystal Gem: Grids and Gridding

Crystal Gem: Grids and Gridding

What are Crystal Gem Grids? They are tools for empowerment, for blessings, ... Read more

Cornplanting Moon

Cornplanting Moon

Deer – Moss Agate – Yarrow – Green and White Read more

Litha - The Midsummer Solstice

Litha - The Midsummer Solstice

The Litha festival is one of the lesser Sabbats of the Witches annual calend... Read more

Litha Sabbat - The Summer Solstice

Litha Sabbat - The Summer Solstice

Gardens are blooming, and summer is in full swing. Fire up the barbeque, turn ... Read more

Yarrow

Yarrow

Helps you create the future of your dreams Read more

Deer Medicine

Deer Medicine

The Deer holds a revered place in Native American traditions, embodying a powe... Read more

Birth Totem - Deer

Birth Totem - Deer

Birth dates: May 21 - June 20 Birth Totem is: Deer Read more

The Hawthorn Tree - May 13 - June 9

The Hawthorn Tree - May 13 - June 9

The Hawthorn Tree – May 13 to June 9 In Celtic tree astrology, the Hawthorn ... Read more

Citrine

Citrine

The Clearing Stone Citrine’s wide range of colours enables it to help balan... Read more

Sun in Gemini

Sun in Gemini

Sun in Gemini May 21 through June 20 An Overview of Sun Sign Characteristic... Read more

Rutilated Quartz

Rutilated Quartz

The Energy Buster Stone Rutilated Quartz is an illuminator for the soul, pr... Read more

Celestite

Celestite

The Divine Listener Stone Celestite has remarkable relaxing and uplifting a... Read more

X

Right Click

No right click