Embracing a Life Without Forcing: A Journey Toward Play and Joy

I’ve been reflecting on something I think a lot of us are trained to attempt: to force ourselves to do everything. We don’t usually put it that way — it’s usually called “discipline,” or when we’re not doing it, it feels like laziness or procrastination.

But many of us are trying to force ourselves to do everything we’re supposed to do. Conquer our todo lists, clear out our emails, do our chores, straighten out our finances and clutter, exercise, eat right, meditate, do your duties as a family member, floss your teeth, read books.

This is what we think we should be doing, every day, all the time. When we’re not doing that, we feel like we’re failing, we’re behind, we’re lazy, we’re wasting our time, we’re too distracted. We feel unworthy.

But let’s take the best-case scenario: you force yourself to do as much of that as possible, for the whole day. And then tomorrow, you do the same thing. And the day after. Let’s say you are able to force yourself to do as much as you can, for a month. At that point, your pile of things you have to force yourself to do is … the exact same size.

Nothing has changed. You still have a million things you are supposed to do, that you need to force yourself to do. At this point, you’ll either give up because it all feels pointless and discouraging, or you’ll burn out. No one can force themselves to do things all day long, forever.

So what’s the alternative?

What if we didn’t have to force ourselves?

There isn’t one good answer to this, but I encourage you to explore this on your own. What would it be like to not force yourself to do things?

Some alternatives I’ve been finding:

• Bring a sense of play, curiosity, learning, adventure to as many things as possible, so it’s not about forcing but about having fun and exploring.
• Slowing down and just letting myself be in the experience, to find a sense of appreciation rather than needing to rush to finish.
• Finding delight and wonder in everything.
• Deciding some things can wait, instead of forcing myself to do them now.
• Bring a sense of connection while I do the tasks — for example, doing things with other people.
• Reminding myself of how this task is an expression of my creativity and love.

These aren’t the only possibilities! As I said, I strongly encourage you to explore this for yourself.

What would life be like if you stopped forcing yourself and started living a life of play, joy, wonder and curiosity?

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