Does The Pain Of Awakening Ever End?

Monday, 12 August 2024 Written by Aniel Lia Love Views: 2677

You need chaos in your soul to give 
birth to a dancing star. 
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Many of us seem to be zooming in our evolutionary trajectory, and yet we are still experiencing emotional issues and feelings of fear, inadequacy and gut-level confusion. In this process of awakening, we arrive at certain points where it seems we are perched on a razor’s edge of ‘knowing’ and ‘not knowing.’ 

This knowing and not knowing simultaneously, and the space between the two, is the thing that is keeping us confused and unbalanced. It is like being in a bardo - the Tibetan word for the space within a space, the space between breaths, the intermediate space. 

We hang there, suspended in limbo with a big question mark, an unease at being somewhere so different and new that there is a natural instinct to just freeze, to check it out slowly and stealthily before taking the next breath, the next step.

And the next thing to do, to be and to feel, is not obvious. Not at all.

Turbo-Charged Changes

If you blink, you may miss it. 

Our very base understandings of what religion and spirituality mean are not applying anymore and quickly eroding. Our base understanding of our Selves and how we once functioned in the outer and the inner are crippled and dying. 

And there are other biggies that are crumbling without us knowing they are crumbling until we — unexpectedly — realize we somehow feel oddly different about something that we may have originally etched in stone.

The pace is so quick now that we wonder how we got from Point A to Point B. What happened to the time in between the two? Was there any time or was I just all of a sudden there?

While we are in amazement with that wonder, we are quite abruptly jolted into yet another different place without fully integrating our last point of reference. It is very, very slippery these days, with absolutely nothing to hang on to.

The other pieces to this puzzle are the raw emotions that seem to be springing up out of nowhere. Our soul’s centers are opened and receiving. They have been receiving for quite some time, in voluminous amounts, information we need as souls. 

And we wonder, since we are so open in that way, why are we still having pain? Haven’t we moved beyond that? Shouldn’t we be free of the pain of illusion?

The short answer is No, and it is perfectly in line with jumping forward. In fact, the more we progress, the more we are inclined to expose what is unaligned with Who We Really Are — and that is the stuff that doesn’t feel good.

As more of our stuff is exposed and healed, more space is available for our Authentic Self to integrate within our present form: and this a double-edged blade.

Our Authentic presence drives out - unmercifully - our remaining shadows and all that comes with it. So the more our Authentic Self integrates, the more we will feel the effects of the sacred work of exposing the shadow and, thus, the pain.

Can We Ignore It?

I have tried to gloss over, jump over, ignore, suppress and repress my unhealed stuff — my shadows. According to some teachings, if we stay in the moment, grateful for everything in it, and smile and be happy, our stuff will not bother us and leave us alone. 

There is truth in the practicing of moment-to-moment living and being in joy, but that does not remedy our shadows. We can, if we choose, tamp them down for lifetimes, but at some point they have to be allowed.

When we choose to let it rip, our Authentic Self will orchestrate every known trick in the book to give face to our shadows, to allow them to come up for air and breathe so that we can love them and finally say farewell to the pain they have been holding for us. 

We can especially feel it at times in our gut and below the gut. The healing fire of the Authentic Self continues to go deeper and deeper into our very cells, into our connection with Mother and our combined wounds, our parallel lives, family timelines and assorted overlays of collective consciousness.

There is so much, and it is all good.

Does It End?

From my limited perspective, it seems that it doesn’t end until we leave this duality octave. I feel, though, we may get to a point of nearly collapsing duality while still in the human body and finally manifesting beauty in total freedom. 

That is the dream.

I believe that if we are to fully embody that which We Really Are, we need to totally leave this experience and begin creating our own worlds and galaxies, literally. We are ever-expanding Beings, and there is no end in sight to what we will become and do. 

My little pea brain cannot even begin to comprehend what that may look like! It is all a guess. But in the meantime, we have designed a rich, bountiful horn of plenty that provides all that we need to have an exciting, and sometimes terrifying, life in duality consciousness 

Aniel Lia Love

© 09.04.2011

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