The Truth About Choosing Your Parent Before Birth

Tuesday, 06 May 2025 Written by Diana Cooper

We choose partners who make us feel the same way as we did with our parents.

This is because we are still trying to heal our childhood by getting from our partner what we could not get from our parents.

It is only when we stop trying to get our partner to meet our needs, and concentrate on meeting our own needs, that we start to accept our life’s challenges.

Some souls, for example, choose a parent who is emotionally or physically distant or absent. The challenge they have chosen for this life is to love themselves and be attentive to their own needs.

If you choose an emotionally distant or physically absent parent, you will choose a partner who can’t be there for you in some way. You may choose someone who is married, or who is emotionally cold or works away. This is because you are substituting them for Mummy or Daddy and trying to get them to be there for you. You have chosen someone with whom closeness is impossible. While you are on this quest, someone safe and present would be boring and possibly claustrophobic.

When you parent yourself wisely to meet your needs, then you attract a close loving relationship.

If you have chosen a weak, wishy-washy, unsupportive parent, you are automatically going to have a vacillating, unhelpful, a weak voice in your head.  Then your challenge is to parent yourself in a firm, encouraging, supportive way. Then you can become strong and can support yourself and others.

If you have chosen a careless, uncaring parent, or one who is a hypochondriac, you are going to have to look after them in order to get your survival needs met.

This means you will become careless of your own needs. You too may resort to illness to get cared for or you will despise and ignore your bodily needs.

Your challenge is to nurture and care for yourself. Only then can you attract caring, nurturing people into your life.

If you have chosen aggressive, violent, cruel parents, you have chosen the ultimate lesson in learning to love yourself. You may have chosen those parents for your growth, but in infancy it was so terrifying that you walled yourself off.  Your parents then pick up our fear and batter you.  We will then become cruel to others in your turn and will most certainly be very cruel to yourself.

Sometimes when you have chosen aggressive, violent, cruel parents, you have offered your soul in service to them and stayed loving enough to open a chink in their hearts. Then you become a wise loving healer.

Here are some reasons you may have chosen your parents, at a soul level of course.   I know this is simplistic, but it is a starting point.

• If your parents were authoritarian, your challenge is to face your fears.
• If they were controlling, to free yourself.
• If they were pushy, to achieve your potential.
• If they were absent, to become independent.
• If they were uncaring, to care for and nurture yourself.
• If they were critical, to approve of yourself and recognize the projections.
• If they were all in the heads, to acknowledge and feel your feelings.
• If there were over emotional, to be disciplined.
• If they were out of control, to be firm and realistic.
• If they were weak and unsupportive, to be strong and self-reliant
• If they were cruel, to keep your heart open.

Creating wise Inner parents

Imagine what your life would have been like if you had had a wise, loving, nurturing mother who always understood how you felt, who listened to you and believed in you. This wise mother always had encouraging words for you and reminded you of your positive qualities and successes. What is more she enjoyed being a woman, and felt happy with her sexuality.

And imagine that your father was strong and supportive and fair. He too constantly encouraged you and helped you fulfil your potential. You totally trusted him to protect you, for he would never let anyone mess you around or take advantage of you. He enjoyed being a man and felt happy with his manhood.

If we had had parents like these our lives would have been different.

However, none of us has these wise parents and as soon as we become conscious beings, our task is to provide this wise parenting for ourselves.

For most of us, a very big part of our consciousness is taken up with the voice of our negative parents. These are the voices in our heads that are constantly criticizing us, warning us to be careful, reminding us of our future failures or shouting at us for not being good enough.

And they only leave a small amount of room for wise parents in our heads.

The minute we decide to listen as much to the wise, strong, encouraging inner voice, and ignore the negative voice, we are increasing the wisdom we have available to us.

You can literally say, ‘Go away negative parents. What would my wise parents say?’ And then listen to the positive wise advice.

When people do this, they are often surprised at the strength of the suggestions that come from their wisdom in parents. And of course, they realize that they are giving themselves help and advice and encouragement.

It comes from within, not outside.

Many years ago, I had a fascinating experience when a medium described to be an incredibly wise and powerful man, whom she felt was an archetypal father standing beside me. She could hear what he said and feel his presence. Then she suddenly realized that this was my very own wise father, whom I had created with my thoughts and who was there on the Inner planes to give me constant support and inspiration.  ‘you have created for yourself the father you always wanted.’ She said to me.

We all need wise parents. It is immensely important and powerful and we can all create them for ourselves.

Exercise

1. Write down all the good qualities your parents possessed and all the positive things they did for you.
   When you have done this, remember that anything we perceive in another is within us even if we are not yet in touch with that quality.
   Constantly read this list, add to it as more memories come up and focus on it.
2. If you had truly wise parents, what would they say to you now about your current problems and challenges?
3. What steps can you take to parent yourself wisely now?

Visualization to create wise parents

For higher Ascension it is essential to take 100% responsibility for everything in your life.  Yes, of course, your parents or lack of them, have massively influenced your life.  Your soul chose those parents and circumstances to teach you the life lessons you needed to embrace.   And, if we have not learnt those lessons we choose partners who make us feel the same way as we did with our parents.  This is because we are still trying to heal our childhood by getting from our partners what we couldn’t get from our parents, or we want to reject or punish them.  When we stop trying to get our partners to meet our needs, and concentrate on meeting our own needs, the healing starts.

Having carefully chosen those parents, most of us then blame them for what they have done to us! 

In fact, your mother and father parent you until you are about 16. After that you parent yourself.    However, we internalize those parental voices and most people continue to parent themselves in the same way.

When you create your own Inner wise parents and then rewrite your life from that better perspective, your life and feelings about yourself massively change.  You leap up the Ascension mountain. 

With love,
Diana x

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