We used to have a wonderful chef who cater our retreat programs. Sally wowed our participants at every meal, and their feedback was stellar.

Over time, however, the quality of her cooking declined. Whereas Sally’s homemade desserts, for example, used to be scrumptious, one day when I walked into the kitchen, I found a box of pastries from a local economy bakery. Simultaneously, the students’ ratings dropped.

I had a heart-to-heart talk with Sally, asking her why her cooking wasn’t what it used to be. She explained that she was now taking a master’s degree program, and cooking didn’t light her up like it used to; it had become more of a job. I told her that if she could restore her previous quality and wow our participants at every meal as she usually did, we would love to keep her on. She asked, “How about if I wow them for dinner, but give them a regular lunch?” At that point I lovingly let our caterer go, with wishes that she succeed in social work, where her passion now lived. We went on to obtain the services of a new caterer who maintained our desired “Wow!” factor.

When you engage in any activity with less than a whole heart, you rob yourself and everyone you touch. Beethoven said, “To play a wrong note is insignificant. To play without passion is inexcusable.” If you are participating in a relationship, job, living situation, or religion without passion, you cannot afford to go on. Either find a way to elevate your experience, or leave. To stay in a half-hearted situation is excruciating.

While it may seem that your gift to the world is the task you perform, your real gift is the energy with which you do it. As spiritual beings, the spirit in which we live is more important than the form in which we express. Many parents, for example, are concerned about how their separation might affect their children—an important factor in any family decision. Yet parents who stay together but are bored, lonely, or angry are teaching their children that relationship is life-depleting. Bruce Barton said, “If you can give your child only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.” When you live at your maximum life force, whatever form that takes, you inspire your children to live at their own maximum life force and create their own relationships at the highest octave.

Many people ask me, “How can I live with more passion?” Usually they are looking in the wrong place. I ask them, as I now ask you, “What activities that you do make you feel most alive?” What do you do for joy rather than money only? If you had a free evening, day, or week, to do only what opens your heart, what would you be doing? What do you do that makes time disappear? What do you do that you always feel better after doing it?

My friend Clara had what she called a “nervous breakdown.” Her marriage and job both fell apart, and she felt lost and alone. She realized that she had lost her life force. So Clara rented a cabin in nature and took a vow: “For the entire time I am here, I will listen to my joy voice and act from it alone.”

The first day, Clara just sat by the window with a cup of tea and watched the birds in the trees. The next day she put some music on, and danced in the living room naked. The next day she took a long walk in the woods. The next day she swam in a lake. Every day she felt more and more alive. Tuning to her inner joy voice made her sane again. Her breakdown led to a monumental breakthrough. Clara went on to become a successful psychotherapist, helping her clients find their own joy voice and live from it.

It’s very tempting to do what you should do rather than what you would do. Certainly there are things we need to do that we would rather not do. Yet many of us smother ourselves with unnecessary, fear-based and guilt-based “shoulds,” which suffocate our natural selves.

Joseph Campbell brilliantly stated, “The function of the lion [the true, natural self] is to kill the dragon, and the name of the dragon is ‘Thou Shalt.’ And on every scale of the dragon there is a ‘Thou Shalt’ imprinted.” At some point we must each throw off the dragon that has stifled our life force and, by following our authentic bliss, claim our truest and highest destiny as loving, empowered, passionate souls.