This article was posted by CrystalWind.ca

A+ A A-

A Matter Of Trust

A Matter Of Trust

I’ve known for a while that I have a hard time trusting people to like me, or think well of me. When life is smooth and straightforward, it’s not that big a problem – if the people around me are affirming and encouraging, I feel ok and can trust them enough. However, if anything goes wrong, it leaves me rapidly in a place of having no emotional resilience at all.

I’ve put in the time to work out why I have trust issues of this particular shape. I didn’t get here by myself, it would be fair to say. I got here through a number of key experiences where it was made explicitly clear to me that I was not loved or wanted. The details won’t be useful to anyone else, so I won’t go into them. I’ll ask you to take it on trust that they were the kinds of experiences that shaped my reality and that it was reasonable of me to respond that way.

It is really hard to notice the things that enter our realities as normal and being simply how the world works. For me, it has been so normal to think no one would want me, that I’ve had a hard time noticing when people do. I’ve struggled to feel like I have a place anywhere. I don’t feel like I belong. I struggle with this around relationships of all shapes and around involvement in communities. It has, for many years, also undermined my ability to hold boundaries. It’s part of why I feel that having any place at all is totally conditional on doing what everyone else wants, never asking for anything, never being awkward or making a fuss or saying no. This has not gone well for me, historically, and reinforces the sense of not being wanted beyond the ways in which I am useful.

I did not get here on my own. I am not overcoming this on my own either – I could not have done so.

Recent experiences tested my ability to trust to the limit, and beyond. I don’t think it was a scenario in which a really secure person would have found it easy to stay confident. I broke down, over and over, banging myself against that rock of unacceptability. It was in that repeated breaking process that I became able to see the mechanics of how I see myself in relationships. I was able to line up the experiences informing my sense of self, and to look at them properly, and to be properly horrified by them.

I became aware, during this process, of the many people who have gone out of their way to be affirming. The many people who make explicit that they want me in their lives. I have hit a tipping point recently. The people who want me and are clear about it are simply more numerous, more present, more vocal, than the people who taught me I was worthless. The people who value me have enabled me to shift how I see myself. I am, suddenly, able to imagine that I am someone it might be worth loving and caring about, beyond my utility. I am, for the first time in my life, able to imagine that I am a good person to have around – at least for some people.

Self esteem issues are not problems we develop all by ourselves. A sense of self worth is usually underpinned by our relationships with other people. I am increasingly convinced that anyone who says you should not base your self-worth on external things or other people’s opinions simply has enough security to make that security largely invisible to them. A person’s self-worth is very much dependent on how they are treated. We do not get hurt around this stuff alone, and we do not overcome it alone either.

Credit

druid life

About Nimue Brown

Druid, author, dreamer, folk enthusiast, parent, wife to the most amazing artist -Tom Brown. Drinker of coffee, maker of puddings.
Credit: druidlife.wordpress.com
Source Here


CrystalWind.ca is free to access and use.
Please support us with a small gift of $11.11 or $22.22 or $33.33. 

or
Please buy us a coffee!
Thank you!
ॐ Namasté - Blessings!
"Life is an echo, what you send out comes back."
© 2008-2021 crystalwind.ca. All rights reserved.
Pin It

Featured This Month

Page:

Gemini

Gemini

GEMINI May 21 - June 20 Spirit: To investigate Objectives: To advance by ... Read more

Cornplanting Moon

Cornplanting Moon

Deer – Moss Agate – Yarrow – Green and White May 21 to June 20 The Cornpla... Read more

Yarrow

Yarrow

Helps you create the future of your dreams Gender: Feminine Planet: Venus ... Read more

A Simple Summer Solstice Ritual with Crystal…

A Simple Summer Solstice Ritual with Crystals

June 20, 2016 is this year’s summer solstice, marking&n... Read more

The Hawthorn Tree - May 13 - June 9

The Hawthorn Tree - May 13 - June 9

Celtic Symbol : The Chalice Zodiac Degrees : 21º00` Taurus - 17º59 Gemini ... Read more

Rutilated Quartz

Rutilated Quartz

The Energy Buster Stone Rutilated Quartz is an illuminator for the soul, pr... Read more

Litha - The Midsummer Solstice

Litha - The Midsummer Solstice

The Litha festival is one of the lesser Sabbats of the Witches annual calend... Read more

Litha Sabbat - The Summer Solstice

Litha Sabbat - The Summer Solstice

Gardens are blooming, and summer is in full swing. Fire up the barbeque, turn ... Read more

Birth Totem - Deer

Birth Totem - Deer

Birth dates: May 21 - June 20 Birth Totem is: Deer Clan of: Butterfly (Air... Read more

Sun in Gemini

Sun in Gemini

Sun in Gemini May 22 through June 21 An Overview of Sun Sign Characteristic... Read more

Deer Medicine

Deer Medicine

Deer is not only a medicine someone can carry, it is a Native American birth... Read more

Citrine

Citrine

The Clearing Stone Citrine’s wide range of colours enables it to help balan... Read more

Gemini Mythology

Gemini Mythology

The Story Behind the Gemini Zodiac Sign The origins of some constellation m... Read more

Crystal Gem: Grids and Gridding

Crystal Gem: Grids and Gridding

What are Crystal Gem Grids? They are tools for empowerment, for blessings, ... Read more

Celestite

Celestite

The Divine Listener Stone Celestite has remarkable relaxing and uplifting a... Read more

© 2008-2021 CrystalWind.ca. Site Creation by CreativeInceptions.com.
X

Right Click

No right click