Category: Personal Development Written by Sofia Falcone
Tomorrow is my 40th birthday; I can’t believe how quickly time has gone by. To be honest, there was a time I thought I would be terrified at the idea of turning 40. Maybe I felt that way because when we are young we tend to put so much emphasis on staying young; maybe it is because more and more older women seem to act terrified at the process of aging.
Everywhere I look around there is endless beauty products, surgeries and botox being promoted to guarantee you will look as young as a teenager; as if getting older was a sin! Our whole society is being infantilized to the point where teenagers have the maturity one would expect of young children 20 years ago, children are not being given the time to simply enjoy childhood and adults are behaving the way teenagers used to; it’s madness.
I have less than 24hrs remaining as a 39th year old and to be honest I am looking forward to turning 40th. I don’t think I’ve ever been this excited in my whole life (ok, maybe the other time I felt closely as excited as I am now, was when I was about to be 19 and could finally go to bars and clubs) At first my enthusiasm about turning 40th was baffling even to myself. I mean come on, aren’t so many women afraid to say their age as if by stating it out loud they have committed a crime and should have a tattoo on their foreheads that says “no longer worth getting to know” yet to me the metaphorical tattoo should say “I know myself and my worth, value it or keep walking” or “Baby I know things only experience can give, I will rock your world…and I don’t mean just physically.”..…that to me is what getting older is all about, learning to love yourself from a deep level, owning your wisdom and showing others there is no need to fear getting older, rather it is a magical time; specially if you have managed to stay true to the magic within.
Excitement, seduction are not in any way reserved for young ladies; young ladies know about sexuality and about the superficial. On the other hand, an older woman knows real men understand the art of seduction can be best found in mature women. Seduction is not a quality of youth but a skill that needs to be developed and only gets better with age.
Women who embrace their age understand the tremendous power they carry within, they can get to your core and melt you, or turn you on, in ways no young lady can, why? because they know self and understand the art of seduction lies beyond just the physical. They are not there to be played with and then discarded, they are there to rock your world and expect you to rock theirs.
I look at my life and I am grateful for how things are turning up and everything that is yet to come; I feel elated. Today has been a day of introspection, I took the time to look at my whole life slowly and paying close attention to everything my soul ached to show me. Life wasn’t easy, I got to know more than my share of pain, I’ve made colossal mistakes, I have cried, felt anger, fear and even shame, but looking back at it, I’ve also experience joy, hope, determination; I rebuilt myself into who I wanted to be, not running away from my inner child, my inner truth, but honoring who I really am….more and more I am learning to let go of what isn’t mine to own. I am still healing from some things but I’ve also learn not to let others punish me as if anyone’s life was perfect, free of faults, mistakes or failures.
Today one of my daughters asked me, why once more I’ve chosen to further my university studies; shouldn’t at my age be happy with all I have learned? Shouldn’t I stay within one path? Her question rather than making me feel uneasy; as it would have in the past; made me feel grateful to share with her one of my core beliefs…“knowledge/ learning is a life time process and there is no one box where one belongs; we decide what to do with our lives” I want to show my kids that even though I already have quite a bit of an extensive and diversified resume, it doesn’t mean there is no more to learn. I want to learn more, expand more; exploring all areas which fascinate me. I want them to know the difference between staying focus on your goal and being stuck within one box.
There was a time I used to feel guilt about my diversied studies; I felt as if something was wrong with me by not choosing one thing and staying with it for life, yet looking back I am glad I am the way I am. I’ve met some very unique and interesting people who have shed so much light and wisdom into my life. Some of my most memorable people would be a Neuro Linguistic Proffesor with many books written and prizes won, who also had a deep passion for ancient sacred teachings; that is how we originally came to know each other; he is the one who started me on the path of NLP. Another memorable person was a very experienced Psychiatrist and head of the department, who taught me never to give up, to always push forward and to “embrace your own madness because in there lies the real you and your talents”; he was my analyst and a great mentor. It was him who fueld my passion for psychology even more. Through him I’ve learn to respect the power of old traditional psychotherapy over pharmacology. Another memorable person was a Danish wonderer. She was free and went wherever her spirit would take her. She worked all kind of odd jobs but her passion was to play the guitar and sing. Like me she would pick a place and just head there, no plans; that is how we met. She taught me never to give up the magic within in exchange for acceptance and to never confuse being free with being mentally immature. Another great soul was someone who was a pilot, had a degree as an architect, had also study management and at the age of 55 went back to university to obtain his degree as a lawyer. His life taught me that there is never an age limit to do anything you want to do in life.
Like them, I look back at my life and realize how despite all the pain I’ve experienced and the rollercoaster I go trough every time I have to heal one more part of me; I have been blessed to have met incredible souls who embrace not only their weirdness but every stage of their lives. They taught me that the great saying “age is but a number” should not be taken out of context to mean behave like an immature adolescent, but rather there is no limit to growth, there is no time limit for your personal development, there is no time limit to simply follow your dreams.
Why then do we (specially women) feel so determined to hide our age? Why then, rather than teaching our younger generations not to fear but to look forward to another stage in life, are we trying to compete with young ladies? Do we not see that by expressing our fear of getting older we are teaching young ladies everywhere that we don’t see ourselves as more than commercial flesh? As if who we really are has no value because the collagen level has gone down. Ladies, by all means let’s take care of our bodies and dress sexy (I am by no means trying to say older women should wear a potato sack and cover up from head to toe) don’t do it because it’s the only thing you see as valuable about yourself, rather because you want to feel good when you look at the mirror, and do it without forgetting to also give as much attention ;if not more; to working on your mind and your spirit.
I would like to share some exerts I’ve found describe best all I’ve been trying to convey to you:
“Feminine and sure of themselves, whether with their hair dyed or with gray hair, with make up or without, mature women begin to occupy the space that belongs to them due to their talent, intelligence and personality. They have their feet firmly on the ground and a knowledge of themselves and of others, these allows them to stand out, conquer spaces that have until recently been banned and become protagonists; they already know what they want and above all, what they don’t want.”
“Centuries of worship and devotion to youth and beauty are finally giving way so that mature style, talent and passion, begin to be gifts as precious as being young. Mature women who are better at accepting themselves hold the key to success and progress”
“The art of graceful, dignified aging begins with affirmation. In a society that is collectively consumed by body image and an attitude of avoidance, aging is a prospect that haunts and strikes fear into the hearts of many. Due in part to media portrayals of aging, some negative notions surrounding older people have resulted in thoughts and processes that dishonor the aging process by transmuting it into a belief that it must be avoided at all costs. It becomes increasingly difficult to form healthy opinions about the aging process when our media systematically promotes youth as the ideal human condition. In some cases, the anti-aging sentiment seen in movies, magazines, TV, and advertisements, older people—women and men alike—clamor to buy the latest and greatest anti-aging creams, potions, lotions and/or line up in to undergo Botox injections, facelifts, and other surgeries promising to make us look younger and more vibrant yet maintaining us shallow, empty of maturity, incapable to feel any real emotion. With so many equating aging with a sense of waning or decline, the process of growing older has become unjustly maligned and creates harmful and unnecessary fear as we try to escape the looming prospect of age. Aging is not a bad thing. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Aging is something to be celebrated.
A number of online articles regarding how to age gracefully focus on makeup, skin care, and various obscure beauty tips. But it’s quite the opposite; aging gracefully has very little to do with skin care and facelifts. Aging gracefully and with dignity is a belief in the goodness of what you are experiencing. It is tender, gentle affirmations that honor your being, the amazing journey of your life thus far, the countless experiences, moments of enlightenment, and beautiful memories that are the essential fabric of your being. Pay homage to yourself. Honor your age, your journey, and your being. Pay reverence to the life you have lived and, most importantly, believe in the beauty that lies ahead for you. The art of graceful dignified aging truly begins with affirmation. Honoring yourself, eschewing the foolish notions of aging put forth by society, and having conviction in the beauty of your journey will be the point at which you truly learn how to age with dignity, grace, and the kind of beauty that matters.”
I found the above quotes quite beautiful as they resounded with every inch of my spirit. I was taught by my granparents that maturity has nothing to do with age and everything to do with your self development and not running away from your shadow. Likewise they taught me that sensuality isn’t cheap sexuality, rather a skill one develops more and more as one submerges in the journey of self discovery. A sensual woman is one who knows she can go into any room and seduce any man not by demeaning her value as an object but by making him want more of her essence, by the ability to quickly penetrate places in his mind and heart where very few have been able to look in and allowing a glimpse of her world by simply being authentic; no charades, no inmature mental games; for the great skill of seduction requires strength but also vulnerability.
My grandparents also taught me that virtue isn’t the same as becoming rigid, unable to be open to the ideas of others. Virtue isn’t covering up from head to toe. Virtuosity lies in the building of character, in saying what you mean and meaning what you say, regardless of who is watching. Virtuosity lies in not having different masks for every occasion but rather accepting yourself as you are yet always working towards your own betterment. Lastly they taught me that life is a tremendous opportunity given to us by whatever divine nature that exists. Life is the perfect school and each one of us the white board. Life is the teacher and the guide but only you are given the right and permission to do as you please with it; that is the power of choice… the beauty of being free.
I don’t know what awaits me around the corner, all I know is that regardless of the wrinkles starting to show up, the ups and downs, the punches, the headaches, the heartaches, the being scare at times and the acceptance of my own fragility, comes also a recognition of my own strength and an honouring of my truth. I am excited about life; for no matter what comes my way; by now I know life has my back as long as I remain true to my essence…. true to my journey…. true to myself!
I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges and hopes, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves.
Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with permission from Sofia Falcone.
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