In another instance, we guilt-trip ourselves for feeling negative when we ought to be grateful. We believe that we have no right to complain about feeling poorly where someone else is at a more disadvantaged situation. And so we stuff our feelings inside. 

Emotional bypassing is often referred to as spiritually bypassing. It was the late psychologist John Welwood who coined the term spiritual bypassing to describe what he saw in a Buddhist community. He describes it as the “tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing unresolved emotional issues, psychological wounds, and unfinished developmental tasks.” In the practice of non-attachment, many Buddhists deny what they truly feel.

However, those who practice other religions can be spiritually bypassing too. It happens where we are led to believe that a higher power will take care of our troubles and therefore there is no need for us to deal with hard feelings like anger, grief, fear, loneliness, envy, and shame. As a result, we adopt a sense of false positivity. 

Whatever the circumstance is, there are negative consequences that arise from emotional bypassing. For a start, we may not be consciously aware that we are doing this. Through the years, we’ve become numb and we don’t realise that we’ve actually closed our hearts. Yet, it’s through the same channel that we experience both the positive and negative feelings. By opening our hearts, we give ourselves the chance to make a shift from sadness to joy, from anger to peace and from fear to love. 

Consequences of Emotional Bypassing

Emotional bypassing is a form of coping mechanism. After all, we have been taught to put up a brave front. It’s embarrassing to let others know how vulnerable we feel. Unfortunately, when we don’t allow ourselves to release our negative feelings safely, they build up over time. It is possible that we develop issues like anxiety, depression and mental disorders. According to Traditional Chinese Medicine, excess emotional activity can also create organ impairments and affect physical health. 
 
When there are emotional wounds that are unresolved, our painful memories can come back to haunt us. It’s why we react excessively to small triggers. And we may find ourselves in repeated self-sabotage. Not forgetting, the body still remembers the trauma. Thus, we are in the same habitual patterns even though what we do doesn’t serve us.

Our ability to form healthy and loving relationship gets impacted. When we hold on to anger, we can’t truly forgive. For fear that we don’t get hurt again, we may choose to push away the ones who matter to us most. Because we secretly keep score, we show up with irritation, impatience and frustration. At the same time, we are unwilling to be honest with what we are truly feeling. These are examples of how emotional bypassing can lead to problems in our relationships. 

Clearly, if we want things to change, we will need to first recognise if emotional bypassing is something we have been doing. 

6 Signs if You Are Emotional Bypassing

1. Ignoring the pain from traumatic experiences in the past and pretending that everything is okay.
2. Hiding anger, rage and frustration under frozen smiles.
3. Feeling bad about feeling bad because we ought to be grateful for being in a privileged position.
4. Since we can’t handle negative emotions or discomfort, so what we just try to laugh it off to mask what we truly feel.
5. Shaming emotional expressions like crying.
6. Projecting a brave front even though we can barely cope.