On Friday afternoon, I had lunch with two elderly neighbors at a local diner, where I was invited to try the best fish chowder around. They were right, the chowder was delicious and the conversation even better.

Both neighbors, now in their mid-eighties, know a lot about our town, its history and politics, and they had plenty to say about the changes they’ve seen over the years. They didn’t mince words, and I liked that. While it was obvious we didn’t agree on everything, it didn’t matter. We kept it real and covered a wide range of topics – the aches and pains of growing old, the tragic loss of children, the way life changes when kids move on with their own lives, and how we think and feel about death and the afterlife.

It was refreshing to be in the company of confident elders who embodied a “what you see is what you get” vibe. I find straight-talking, respectful people so much easier to be around.

During lunch, I noticed that one of my neighbors was having a hard time hearing. I could tell she was reading my lips. So I asked her about it. “Yes, I’m just about deaf,” she told me. “I had a hearing test yesterday, as a matter of fact, and they told me it’s pretty bad.”

I immediately thought of my Dad who was deaf and how he missed out on so many conversations because he gave up trying to participate. That was until we found a great little device that literally changed his life.

Have you heard of a pocket talker? I asked my neighbor. “No,” she replied. So, I explained that it was a little device with a microphone on top that hangs around the neck. The device also has a jack so you can attach earbuds or headphones, and when you’re with other people, you can turn on the microphone and pick up what’s being said around you.

Her eyes widened at the idea of being able to hear, so I pulled out my phone, found it on Amazon, and ordered one for next-day delivery. I told her I’d bring it to her house and teach her how to use it. While she was shy about receiving a gift, I explained that she was actually giving me one. Michael and I have introduced this device to loved ones, and it’s wonderful to watch the joy wash over their face when they can suddenly hear.

And that’s what happened the next day. I set her up with the pocket talker, and her eyes sparkled when she could hear me clearly, even when I turned my back to her while talking. No more blaring television when family comes to visit. No more missing out on important conversations with friends during lunch. And no more putting her cognitive health at risk by training the brain to stop using the part that processes hearing.

So why am I telling you this story? Because my decision to have lunch with elderly neighbors was a deliberate act of defiance. I want to help counteract the escalating hate and divisive conversations in this country by shifting my focus from social media, sensational news, and the “imagined other,” to my local community and those who could benefit from my help. Real change happens close to home. And I’ve seen first-hand that when we sit face to face with people, we discover our shared humanity in spite of differences, and we naturally want to help when we can.

So that’s my plan. More fish chowder, less scrolling. More neighborly conversations, less arguing with online strangers in my head. More listening, less assuming. Because this is how we get ourselves out of this mess.

Love,
Cheryl

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