Of all the questions people ask me, determining if there are past life connections with current relationships ranks super high on the list. Here are five signs that point to yes:

1) You felt an immediate connection that was “out of this world” or so familiar you can’t believe this person ever wasn’t in your life.

This one seems obvious, but so many minds doubt what body and soul announce with megaphones. If you light up and synchronize with another person right away, then it’s a strong indicator that you’ve run into this soul before, perhaps multiple times. It doesn’t necessarily mean this person is your soul mate or that you belong together. It just means you’ve had dealings with this soul before, and the connection has begun to reawaken dormant parts of your larger Self.

2) You felt an immediate, intense, and often inexplicable aversion to someone.

Unless brought to the conscious level through remembered dreams, meditation, past life regression, spontaneous visions or a past life reading, past life memories reside in the subconscious. Your emotions help you to know what resonates or does not resonate with you, even if you don’t understand the underlying reasons. Intuitive people often experience negative first impressions of people who wish to harm them, and that does not necessarily indicate a past life relationship. Your Spidey senses might just be saving you a lot of future trouble! When a strong aversion occurs with regard to people who have proven themselves safe (to the best of your observation) or who truly love and wish to support your growth, then that aversion often indicates a background story of loss, betrayal, harm or misunderstanding. Finding the plot line(s) can help restore peace or give you confidence to part ways.

3) Your initial reaction to someone was really not what you expected, or you just can’t understand why you feel this way.

This sometimes happens with parents and newborns. The single mom who almost aborted or gave the child up for adoption finds herself unable to part with the baby, even if that means breaking contracts and having to revamp life plans. Conversely, parents who’ve eagerly awaited the birth often feel tremendous guilt for really not meshing with the newborn. They feel a strong sense of “should” or “logic” but for some reason, those pesky emotions won’t cooperate. The surprising reaction can also occur among adults — like when you meet someone you previously dismissed or idolized and have the opposite experience than you envisioned. This indicator doesn’t rely so much on intensity as confusion, especially tormented confusion. Why? Why? Why? Often, just recognizing and honoring the past life influence allows people to release the confusion and return to life in the now.

4) You feel like a different person around them.

In the case of family dynamics, you might have one parent or sibling whose presence seems to immobilize you or crumble your confidence, kind of kryptonite for Superman. Alternatively, you might encounter someone whose presence seems to ignite best parts you didn’t know existed. All the plans in the world suddenly may seem irrelevant as this “new” person completely reorients your life. The new direction may, in fact, be just what you need, or it could indicate cause for extreme caution.

In any case, if you find yourself compulsively acting in unusual ways, do take time to center yourself each morning and evening. I would also suggest The Blue Room meditation, followed by self observation: have your interests or emotions suddenly shifted back to “normal” after doing the meditation? If so, your new personality/interests/life path may have stemmed more from a perceived karmic imbalance than true guidance. Very often the compulsive aspect of relationships (or our reactions to those relationships) stems from our excitement about “getting our stuff back.” We can project all manner of energies (good or bad) onto souls we’ve known before, but what we really long for is a return to balance.

5) You feel like you neeeeeeed this person in your life.

Past life issues arise from the subconscious, where all time is now. If someone was your father in a past life and died while you were a young child, you might feel extra clingy and needy with this soul’s current incarnation. You might feel like your very survival depends on this person remaining in your life in a certain way. The subconscious does not differentiate between past, present and future. In a world where all time is now, past life bleed through represents information and feelings that may not be appropriate to thislifetime, causing inappropriately controlling or longing reactions. I see this evidenced in broken relationships where one or both parties just can’t let go, or in long term unrequited love affairs. Again, The Blue Room can be very helpful. Learning the bigger past life picture brings repressed memories into the conscious realm where they can be evaluated, understood and released. This allows healthier boundaries and a return to your own being, rather than giving energy to or trying to harness energy from, someone else.

Ideally, past lives don’t matter at all.

But when they do, they really do! If you have relationships that just won’t cooperate or that make you feel confused, “less than” or obsessive, you might want to explore past life factors. Automatic writing/journaling can help, as well as recording your dreams. If these methods don’t bring you the clarity you seek then you may want to consider help from a hypnotherapist or trusted intuitive. You came here in a fresh new body with the hope and intention of joy, freedom, growth and love. I wish you all the best in finding and reclaiming your true Self.