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Exploring Intimacy: A Conversation on Sex

Exploring Intimacy: A Conversation on Sex

Nowadays, we are so focused on the external that we do not pay as much attention to our physical and mental well-being from the inside out. 

Sure, more and more people spend time at the gym building their bodies, but how much do they actually know about how this operates beyond the muscular and skeletal functions?  More importantly, how much do they know about their sexuality in relation to their body, mind, and spirit?  Society has placed a stigma around discussions of sexuality, although we think of ourselves as liberated, most tend to remain blind to the reality of what healthy uninhibited sexuality actually means- with people either using this argument to run towards self-abuse as an ideology of false rebellion or towards dogmatic attitudes which in their rigidity constrain one’s sexuality rather than nurture it.  It’s time to break free from these constraints and recognize the importance of embracing sexual wellness as an integral part of our lives.

“Sexual wellness is about more than just physical pleasure; it encompasses a broad range of factors that contribute to our overall satisfaction and happiness. By breaking down the societal barriers and stigmas surrounding sexuality, we can create a safe and open space for discussions, education, and self-exploration.  Just as exercise and healthy eating benefit our physical well-being, nurturing our sexual wellness positively impacts our mental and emotional health. Engaging in activities that promote sexual wellness, such as self-acceptance, exploring desires, and fostering intimacy, can enhance self-confidence, reduce stress, and improve overall happiness.  Sexual wellness goes hand in hand with healthy relationships. Open and honest communication about desires, boundaries, and consent fosters trust, connection, and intimacy. By embracing sexual wellness, we empower ourselves and our partners to prioritize pleasure, intimacy, and fulfillment in our relationships.”

Unlike other spiritual paths, Tantra incorporates how to use and live our sexual energy consciously in a loving way and helps us use that energy for our evolution, apart from improving our health, relationships, and sex life

LET’S START WITH THE BASICS, SHALL WE?…

Although masculine and feminine, there is a polarity in both men and women. Women have a more yin, softer tendency but also hold yang-strength.  Women are the cradle, from which pure energy emanates while males are the transformative creative by which the energy will take shape. Psychologically, some men or women tend to be more in the brain’s right hemisphere, more emotional and abstract, or the left hemisphere, which is more analytical. Hormonally, we are also very different, and that affects us physically and emotionally.

Due to our rejection of the twisted patterns of the past, such as machismo and submission, we have gone to the other end of the pendulum. Many women have become extremely masculine, controlling, and demeaning, and many men extremely feminine, lacking direction for their innate strength.  Nowadays one of the things that must be worked on is BALANCE.  For example, women could learn that to be their own person doesn’t mean they have to mentally castrate themselves from their femineity, or on the other extreme, some women could learn the difference between embracing one’s sexuality and sexuality vs abusing their bodies, minds and spirits.  Women can learn to manage to be independent and powerful but from their femininity and not imitate men.  As females, we could spend more time healing the wounds of the past in order to live with more trust on life and in men, trusting in love and living with an open heart; not afraid to show our vulnerabilities nor hide our strength.  Living with a conscious, spiritual tantric sexuality helps in this process.

THE WAY WE’VE BEEN TAUGHT ABOUT SEXUALITY IS PRETTY NULL.  As a Tantric, when I look around, I can see that our societies haven’t taught us much of anything about sexuality.  Today the only thing they teach us is how to put a condom on or not get pregnanthygienic or social things. But nothing about love or pleasurewhere do they teach how to make love? Nowhere. They teach us a thousand things, but they don’t teach us the most important thing, what matters most to us, which is how to truly love our partners, how to have good relationships genuinely – no masks or so-called roles of good wives or husbands, but people coming together from the core of their heart chakra – with love, with freedomwith pleasure yet with respect for ourselves – we need to learn the difference between letting someone in the psychological core of our inner sanctum and only when rapport has been developing and a genuine connection felt, can we open; if we so wish; our physical inner sanctum.

Having sex is easy; it’s an action that the animal in us knows pretty well how to do; one does not need a Ph.D. for it.  With that said don’t hear me say that having sex is bad or should be restricted, not at all – I am simply asserting the fact that having basic or mediocre sex is easy.  Making love truly is not easy; it requires flowing skills that go beyond just the physical.  To even consider starting to develop those skills, you have to be very open to a new way of looking at sexuality and relationships.  You have to be willing to confront yourself, to reach your lover without even touching him/her first – that is a skill.  I am not talking about obsession or empty desire; I am talking about the skill to see the heart and the “secrets” carried in the mind of the other, without judgment and without even saying a single word on the topic – that is connected attraction, which is very different than empty attraction or obsession.

 Connected attraction can happen quickly if you have evolved to know how to truly love, and see yourself as you are – light and dark.  In confronting yourself as you are – as Jungian Psychology, Esotericism or Tantra would say- you are gifted the ability to see others and these others can feel it – that is what makes you unforgettable and where the beginning of making love starts – it is not a physiological act yet, but a beautiful dance of minds and souls (not immature head games).  A dance of genuine empathy for each other’s wounds.  A dance of mutual dreams, desires and love…connection! – but for that, you must open to your own wounds and darkness. Then your light will come, opening your heart to others genuinely – maybe unconventional for some, but genuine.  There is a great emptiness when no one teaches us any of what I just mentioned. If we add to that the conditioning of the past that we normally have such as the fears learned from our parents, the influence of religions with repressive messages about sexualitysexual abuse, and our wounds with the love relationships of the past, all of this creates a backpack that does not leave us be happy and enjoy our sexual lives without inhibitions yet with the honoring of the core of our selves….that is poetic tantric passion….That is the beginning of Tantric sexuality….

Remember that sexual energy is not good nor bad, like all energy, it is neutral.  If you use your sexual energy without conscience, you hurt yourself and others; if you use it consciously, you can heal your life and that of your partner or partners. Ultimately, it’s always a matter of conscience or what in Tantra we call MOTIVATION.  If your motivation is to give and receive love, then that should be your compass.


Sofia Falcone

Sofia Falcone
I passionately believe one person can make a difference. I write from my own experiences and interests. It is my greatest hope that by writing about my own challenges and hopes, others may feel inspired to believe more in their inner power and to fully embrace themselves.

Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with written permission from Sofia Falcone. Do Not Copy!

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