Lately I’ve been practicing with a very simple (yet profound) technique that helps me feel less stressed, frustrated, overwhelmed, and it works almost instantly.

The technique is based on my study of Buddhism, and the idea that the separate self we all assume for ourselves is an illusion. In other words, the idea that we’re a distinct person separate from everyone and everything else is something we make up in our heads.

As I reflect on this, I almost always see that our view of any situation is also made up in our heads — we construct our perceived reality.

Let me give a few examples:

Perceived Criticism

Someone says something to me that feels like criticism. I get frustrated because it feels like all they do is criticize me. This isn’t necessarily false … but it’s just one way of interpreting things, and it’s something I’ve created in my head. For example, you could interpret it as this person is expressing a need to me, or they’re hurt and trying to ask for help, or perhaps they think they’re being helpful with the feedback they’re giving, or just unaware of how it’s making me feel.

Stress About a Meeting

I’m stressed about an upcoming meeting because I’m not sure if people will like my presentation. In my mind, they might think my presentation is dumb, and I’ll feel like an idiot. This stresses me out, and so I either work 10 times as long on the presentation as needed (overprepare) or avoid working on it because it’s stressful. But the way people might react to my presentation is completely made up in my head. Even if they do react negatively, the idea that their reaction says something bad about me is just one interpretation. Maybe they just don’t like the colors I used, or are allergic to the word “technically” unbeknownst to me, or are having a bad day.

Habit Change Frustration

I fail to stay consistent with a habit change. Maybe I wanted to eat healthy every day, and exercise every weekday, but I missed a few days this past week … and that makes me feel bad about myself. If I investigate my interpretation, I might notice that I somehow believe that not doing perfectly at my habit change means something bad about me — I’m not good enough. That’s made up in my head. Instead, missing a few days in my habit change could mean that I need to set some reminders, or that I’m overwhelmed or too stressed, or that change is hard!

These are just some examples — pretty much all of our stress, frustration, anger, anxiety, overwhelm, guilt, shame and disappointment come from the way we’re interpreting things, and that’s created in our heads.

It doesn’t mean it’s wrong, or that it’s fake. It means it’s created by us — it’s a mental construct. And if we create it, we can change it.

The Instant Technique

So here’s how I practice with this:

When I recognize that I’m feeling stressed in some way, I notice how I’m feeling. This is the key — if I don’t notice, I can’t do this technique.

Then I say to myself the word “Imaginary.” (You can choose a different word.)

Saying this reminds me that I’ve constructed a reality in my head, and that it’s causing me to feel upset, stressed, overwhelmed, etc. Seeing that it’s created in my head helps me to realize that I’m in a constructed world of my own creation.

This helps me to not take it too seriously. I feel more spaciousness in the moment. I feel more peace.

I know that in that moment, there is nothing to stress about, because if I remove all of my constructed reality (what I’m imagining in my head) … it’s just a beautiful moment that I’m living in.

Without our view of things, without all of the things we’re making up … we’re left with a moment of peace and beauty.

That can happen in an instant, if you let it.

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