I had a different kind of Christmas this year. No long drives to be with family. No rushing to buy and wrap gifts. No juggling of schedules to make the holidays work for everyone.

Instead, Michael and I settled into a quiet Christmas Eve alone with our two cats, a simply decorated tree, and a ritual designed to make the evening bright in our own, new way.

I’ll be honest, the idea of being alone on Christmas Eve wasn’t a pleasant thought at first. I grew up in a large family, and Christmas was one of our favorite times of year. There were lots of people bustling in and out of the house, plates filled with favorite foods, floors covered in gifts, and days of excitement. While my family didn’t have a lot of money, my parents went out of their way to make Christmas one of the best days of the year, and it was.

The joy and anticipation were palpable the minute Thanksgiving dinner was over, and those memories still live in me to this day, which is why the holidays are tricky. There’s a little girl who still longs for Christmas past and feels the inevitable disappointment and sadness of “never again.”

When Traditions Begin to Change

I don’t think we talk enough about how the holidays change as we enter our wisdom years. Kids grow up and fly the coop, leaving parents with an empty table. Family dynamics shift when mom and dad pass away, and adult children are left to orient their holidays around a new center. Roles change, and those of us without children or parents to care for may find ourselves with the freedom to do what we want, yet strangely disoriented by this new reality.

Hallmark culture, reflected in television commercials and social media, makes it seem as though families effortlessly form new clusters of joy, sharing meals, vacations, laughter, and beautifully wrapped gifts. But I suspect the truth is quite different for most. For many families, denial and avoidance are well-worn strategies for dealing with change, and as a result, we fumble our way through the holidays without forethought or a plan.

Creating a New Christmas Eve Ritual

This year, as the holidays crept closer, melancholy settled in, and I realized I needed a plan. So I enlisted the support of my spiritual mentor, Joan Borysenko. As a result, Michael and I enjoyed a new Christmas Eve ritual.

We went for a walk through the village near our home, then drove to see holiday lights and decorations. We came back and enjoyed sparkling cider by the tree and lit candles for those we’ve lost. We talked about what we loved most about them and the qualities we intended to carry forward.

We reminisced about past holidays and how life changes as we age. We named what we missed, what we wanted now for our life together, and we set new intentions for the coming year. By the time we went to bed, we both had a new appreciation for a more intimate, peaceful holiday tradition.

Looking Ahead to a New Year

Now we come to the end of 2025 and the beginning of a New Year. As I said last week, I’m excited about 2026 and all the ways we can support one another toward positive change both in our lives and in the world.

So, how about a new ritual? Join me on Zoom for a New Year’s Eve gathering on Wednesday (12/31), at 3pm ET/12 noon PT. If you’ve joined me before on Zoom, you’ll automatically receive an invite. If not, you can sign up here. Happy New Year!

Love,
Cheryl