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Happy Valentine’s Day 2023 Pt. 2

Happy Valentine’s Day 2023 Pt. 2

 - Karma, Attractions, and Seduction -

Today we explore more about what factors cause us to like what we like and not like what we don’t like, and why we attract the people we do, whether those relationships were good or bad. In this part, we’ll explore how we’ve learned to be seduced by our own mind, and how to change our karma in from attracting difficult people to find better friendships and Soul Mates, eventually leading us to our Twin Flame.

Karma and Relationships

Many people we meet on the path of Life are the result of past karmas, while other times it's a choice made in the moment. Not everyone we meet is "destined," since the choices we make as a result of past relationships affects who shows up and when. Even then, we need to know why we’re there, and where not to go.

Many interactions and choices in our life must be chalked up to "it seemed like a good idea at the time." While we can still bring a higher awareness out of painful experiences, it's important to note that it is up to us to know when, to quote a well-known phrase, it's time to "hold 'em, fold 'em, walk away or run."

How long a relationship lasts is entirely up to how we treat each other, since even apparently good ones can turn sour due to all kinds of reasons. Some relationships are tested through circumstances that aren't the "fault" of either person. Here the trials of life can help us know more about our strengths and weaknesses, as well as knowing what we are and are not responsible for.

All relationships evolve as a result of how people behave toward each other. As we get to know someone, we see them exhibit many types of responses. While everyone has idiosyncrasies, it's important to discriminate between behavior that is harmless and behavior that is a true deal breaker. Regardless of points of view, we are never supposed to put up with non-loving, abusive, manipulative, or one-sided relationships.

An Introduction to Seduction

One thing always present in any toxic relationship is some element of seduction, or coercion. These can take many forms, and none will lead to healthy relationships. Seduction can feel very exciting, but as many of you already know, the wreckage isn't worth the price.

You can spot seductions by noticing if there are negotiations that involve you compromising something you believe in, or feel coerced into something that doesn't feel quite right. There may be elements of feeling like you're spinning your wheels, or that something is one-sided to the point where you know something's wrong, whether you can put your finger on it or not.

Other ways that indicate an element of seduction might be present include power games that leave you feeling that something is out of balance or even a sense of increasing powerlessness, or when you struggle with ideas or feelings that aren't ordinarily there when you're happy. These times often involve feeling responsible for something you’re not responsible for.

If there is a perceived agreement we didn’t agree to, or a sense of being blamed for not making something happen according to another’s expectation, it’s a seduction. So is being persuaded that what we remember isn’t true, and what they remember is true, with no comparison of the facts as each remember them. Seduction and Gaslighting are often found together.

Often there is a lie or misrepresentation in a seduction. Lies and deceptions that are justified by one to the detriment of the other always indicates a seduction is going on. No relationship can last where one is undermining the other, creating dependencies or self-doubt, or diminishing the sense of love we have for ourselves. When we feel these are happening, if we dig a little deeper we usually find at least one of various kinds of narcissistic behavior fueling a seduction being forced on us.

Narcissism is not Self-Love. It is vanity attached to an impermanent form that exalts the false sense of the ego-self over any true feeling of love. Narcissism wants what it wants because it feeds its need for “importance” or “power” or “control.” Narcissistic people don’t care about their influence on others; they simply want their desires fulfilled. These interactions are where we must honor our self-worth, and not yield to being pulled into someone else’s house of mirrors.

We can learn the difference between courtship and seduction by examining our relationships to see which ones brought out our Higher Love or lower desires, or the Higher Love or lower desires of another. By learning the difference between how these feel, we come to see patterns, and by changing any tendencies that attract the lower, over time we stop being seduced into attachments and affections that leave us feeling badly, or a sense that we’re not being true to ourselves.

In the next section we’ll take a deeper look at what seductions look like, examine how they arise from superficial affections and maladjusted desire minds, and explore how to step back from ours and others’ projections. In looking at the differences between courtship and seduction, we find that there are “symptoms of seduction,” where we can learn to see the difference between healthy affection and seductions that only leave us feeling wounded.

The Difference Between Seduction and Courtship

Our old friend the I Ching makes a distinction between seduction and courtship. We’ll begin with the nature of how we influence others and how they influence us. In one highly respected translation, it offers that any healthy influence between people must stem from “reciprocity that stimulates joy,” indicating we’re on the same “harmonic wave length” as the other. To understand healthy influences, we must look at innate tendencies and see how various influences work in us and others.

Expanding on the concept, from Hexagram 31, "Influence (Wooing)" also known in various other translations as "attraction," "persuasion," and "reciprocity":

... for it is perseverance that makes the difference between seduction and courtship; in the latter the stronger takes a position inferior to that of the weaker and shows consideration to them. This attraction between affinities is a general law of Nature. Heaven and earth attract each other and thus all creatures come into being. Through such attraction the sage influences human hearts, and thus the world attains peace. From the attractions they exert we can learn the nature of all beings in heaven and on Earth. (Wilhelm/Baynes edition)

I note that “consideration” is a keyword for the expression of respectful sincere affection, and so it seems that one clue about whether seduction is present is found in the consideration or lack of consideration of one for another. If someone we’re with is not respectful in their affections, then it's a seduction. This often accompanies a lack of respect for appropriate boundaries, and/or not allowing for a healthy individuality to express itself.

Any time there is a coercion or a push and pull that seems out of balance, it’s a symptom of a seduction. So are offers which disrupt your life with associated demands to explain why you aren't going along with them. Remember that seductions may seem playful, but if you don't go along with them, be alert for overt or implied threats.

These can be active threats or passive threats, and can take many forms. Examples of passive threats are when another goes into a mood while withholding affection, gifts, or even emotional connectedness. Moods always indicate a seduction is present, since emotional maturity is strong enough to express itself without threats or coercions.

Examples of “disruptive offers” are “I've done x, y, and z for you, and you don't seem to care.” Or “Because I've done a, b, and c, you should be doing d, e or f.” This is where we learn to discern the difference between coercive manipulation and genuine reciprocity. While it’s always good to be part of a dance where we both express genuine love, gratitude, and appreciation, those cannot happen if there’s a one sided coercion going on.

In all forms of bargaining with another, make sure you agreed to the bargain to begin with, otherwise it's a seduction. If you didn’t ask for a gift, but there is an expectation you will do something simply because they brought you a gift, (other than thank them,) it’s a seduction.

While it’s true reciprocity is very important for a relationship to stay in balance, a seduction isn’t about reciprocity. When one partner tries to do things the other did not ask for, and expects something in return for the "favor," it’s a seduction. While some seductions are relatively harmless, others can bring disaster. This is where the potential results of the seduction must be kept in mind. What are we agreeing to, and why are we agreeing to it?

Moods are seductions by the subconscious desire-mind. A good mood is when the subconscious desire-mind has been bought off, a bad mood when it has been denied its desire. You can observe more moods, and moodiness, than usual when a seduction is going on. Objectivity, detachment, and dispassion are the solutions to moods and seductions, since these are not easily manipulated by either subconscious images or the desire mind (Kama Manas), the two means by which we are seduced.

I have noted that seductions are often accompanied by too much emotional baggage automatically associated with expressions of affection. These are interactions that escalate much too quickly to be authentic. Other times, seductions involve the need for one to "save" another, or "be saved" from something by another. Seductions do not like a healthy autonomy, as they are based in unconscious power and control factors.

To the degree our inner Lover is unhealthy, we are needy and hope someone will come along to end our feelings of inadequacy. If our inner Lover is healthy, we tend not to attract destructive or clingy people who get attached and controlling, or those who quickly begin offloading heavy emotional freight or expecting a form of salvation from us and what we offer or don't. Beware of self-pity, as this is a common form of seducing another into "helping" in ways that don't help.

Robert Johnson (the author, not the blues legend!) wrote some interesting things about the nature of seduction in his three classic works, He, She, and We. These are short, enchanting works that explore certain archetypes within us and our world, and definitely worth the time.

As We Embrace A Greater Love, We Become A Greater Love

Remember our true Eternal nature is Unconditional Love, Wisdom, and Intelligence. We ARE the loving, wise, intelligence we seek. As we embrace and identify with our Higher Self, over time the higher qualities of our Soul-Spirit will become more evident in our actions, feelings, and thoughts.

As we embrace this higher "Self-Love," we find it's directly related to our ability to love "God," our Truth of Being, and our community of loving Souls. These are solid reference points where we find gateways to a Higher Love. When we're oriented toward our higher Love, we cannot be seduced away from that which supports and allows our Soul to come forth.

All relationships show us what we do and do not like or admire, or perhaps need to learn to like or admire. In learning about what to embrace and what to refuse, we learn what matters a lot, what matters a little, and what doesn’t or shouldn’t matter at all. Sometimes in our friendships we simply must tolerate some relatively harmless dislikes so we can grow in how we respond to that which is unfamiliar or doesn’t conform to our preconceptions.

Others also go through this in their relationship to us. We usually don't have problems with what we both like; the rub in relationships is what one or both don't like. That's where small frictions become the grist for the mill of Soul, where we both learn the art of give and take. The Lover must learn the give and take in relationships, treating others as equals in the interaction while maintaining both autonomy and fair exchange.

This shows us how to maintain balanced loving friendships with those who share our deeper feelings and thoughts regardless of our disagreement in particulars. Small frictions should never lead to a violation of boundaries, free will, or undermine our sense of loving God and each other. If we feel these are violated, then usually coercion is present in the form of a seduction.

We owe it to ourselves to be treated with respect, love, affection, and friendliness. As we learn to embrace and demonstrate these qualities in our personality, we simultaneously learn to recognize and demonstrate these in conscious ways in our circumstances and relationships. Practicing “Right Relationship” at each turn of life’s wheel creates a habit of being that way in each interaction. Then over time we become more natural in our heart’s expression with everyone we meet.

As we live these higher qualities the best we're able, it opens opportunities to model respect, love, affection, and friendliness to others, and leads us to an ever-wider variety of ways to practice these which are perfect for our interactive magnetism. Ultimately, the more we treat ourselves with these qualities, regardless of how we perceive we’re succeeding or failing, the easier it gets to offer them to our world on a consistent basis.

Whether spontaneous or learned, we can all grow into a greater love, respect, affection, and friendliness toward others with no hidden agendas to mess up the interaction. We may be fallible, but we’re also eternally evolving and growing if we choose to do so. By becoming aware of and renouncing our own hidden agendas, we are naturally able to spot them in our interactions.

When there are hidden agendas, there are usually elements of seduction present. These are never as harmless as it seems, since seduction involves forms of manipulation by the seducer. Once we get beyond seducing and being seduced, we neither manipulate nor can be manipulated. This leads to cultivating the virtues of detachment, dispassion, and discrimination even as it allows us to generate whatever good we feel is appropriate for us, another, or our world.

When we have a healthy Lover archetype, we are free to be ourselves, and welcome others to be themselves. That allows us to enjoy the interaction freed from the snares of ego, since we understand healthy and reasonable boundaries and can express a greater Love, both personal and impersonal.

As we change old patterns that attracted the lesser, we begin to live a different way of relating to ourselves, others, our world and experiences, as well as Life itself. Then we ARE the Love we once sought, and can BE that greater Love in our world.

I believe happy and healthy relationships are our destiny, but we have to learn who we are and why we attract what we attract so we can consciously choose to turn away from inner patterns which attract destructive relationships. That’s the reason I wrote The Magic of Venus: Friendships, Soul Mates, and Twin Flames. In it we explore how we attract others based in our charts and what we’ve learned energetically in our dances with countless others throughout our lives. There are chapters on each sign’s archetypal mate qualities, and how our Venus position predisposes us to like some things and people and not others.

There are sections on our emotional cycles across time, how to turn away from unhelpful attractions and seductions, affirmations to attract our perfect mate, and hundreds of other astrological and psychological gems to help readers become clear about how to attract a true friend, Soul Mate, and eventually the Twin Flame. By consciously cultivating healthy relationships, we naturally attract people who will be good to us and for us, who we might have as a friend for the rest of our life. There’s an entire section devoted to Soul Mates, how to recognize them, and the important parts they play in our personal and interpersonal evolution. The book gives the reader the power to re-shape their likes in order to live a more fulfilling life in more joyous relationships.

So truly, Happy Valentine’s Day eve! May you all be inspired to find your Higher Love which will attract truly loving friends and companions, since that will open ten thousand doors to all which nourishes and strengthens the Soul connections which we share.

See you tomorrow with more on the Lover and other archetypes, how our subconscious mind works to pre-program what we believe we like and how that attracts what we need and what we need to change, and the origins of this day dedicated to Lovers across the centuries!


Reprinted on crystalwind.ca with written permission from Robert Wilkinson. Copying this article to other blogs is strictly prohibited. It is copyright protected. 

© Copyright 2023 Robert Wilkinson

Credit

© Copyright 2023 Robert Wilkinson - https://www.aquariuspapers.com

About the author:

Robert wilkinson An internationally-known astrologer, author, public speaker, metaphysician, and futurist, with over 25 years experience as a counselor and educator. He has presented hundreds of public talks on all aspects of Astrology, the Eastern Wisdom tradition, the Western Wisdom tradition and promoted many mass gatherings and cultural events. Some of his specific areas of interest and expertise include personality profiles, degree patterns, integrative astrology, various aspect harmonics, among others.
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Reprinted on crystalwind.cawith written persmission from Robert Wilkinson.

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