Recently I had a reader share that they really want to learn to control their impulse shopping habit — something I’m sure they’re not alone in!

It’s so easy to get into the habit of purchasing little things (or not so little ones) when we are craving some kind of comfort or satisfaction. There’s an excitement that can come from having placed an order, or even just browsing for cool things.

In this article, we’ll look at how to curb this habit … but also any kind of impulse habit. This applies to impulse habits like video games, drinking sodas, watching online videos, social media, etc. They’re all basically the same thing.

What’s Going On?

When we have an impulse habit like online shopping, often we judge this part of ourselves that can feel out of control and undesirable. But it’s important to have a sense of understanding, so that this doesn’t become an attempt to eradicate a part of ourselves we don’t like. That doesn’t work.

The root of an impulse habit is that we have some kind of stress, and the habit is a way to soothe it. That’s what I discovered when I was struggling to quit smoking cigarettes. I would get stressed, and reach for the pack of cigarettes. It also gives us a dopamine hit, like a gambler playing another hand or pulling the handle of a slot machine.

So we feel stressed, we reach for the habit to soothe ourselves and get a little comfort/pleasure. That’s very understandable — except that the habit tends to add more stress over time (it becomes a stressor itself), and also becomes a crutch that we feel we can’t live without.

So how can we begin to curb the impulse habit? Let’s take a look at three strategies that work well.

Strategy 1: The Breather

If you find yourself having the impulse (to shop, to play a game, or whatever your impulse habit is) … the first strategy is to get away from it and take a breather.

That might mean going for a walk. Talking to someone. Getting away from the thing that’s so tempting.

It’s only when you can get away, take some deep breaths, that you can gain a little perspective and calm your nervous system down.

Take some actual deep breaths — at least 4 deep breaths. Practice soothing yourself.

Then ask yourself, “What stress am I feeling right now? Will this really help? What else can I do?”

Perhaps also do something else to distract yourself, until the impulse fades away. Delay, delay, delay. If you can delay even a few minutes, often the impulse will ease off.

Strategy 2: The Moat

This is a strategy to do when you’re not in the middle of an impulse: put a moat around the temptation. In other words, make it hard to access the thing that tempts you.

Some examples:

• A site blocker so you can’t go to your temptations
• Delete the app and find a way to block it from your phone
• Commit to someone else that you won’t use the app/site
• Commit to a no-buy month to give yourself a chance to find a life away from the impulse (don’t just go back to your old ways once the month is over, though)
• Don’t have the tempting snacks in your house or office (if possible)

When I wanted to quit smoking, I threw away my cigarettes, which meant I couldn’t smoke unless I took the time to get in the car, go to the store, buy the cigarettes, and then smoke afterward. I was also resistant to spending money on a whole pack when I knew I would force myself to throw most of it away. That’s how a moat works.

Strategy 3: The Deeper Need

This is the strategy that will pay off the most, but will take longer to develop. It’s worth it.

The idea is to start to understand what deeper need is being met by the impulse habit. For example, some common needs include:

• The need for a little bit of pleasure and comfort (a dopamine hit) if your life feels joyless or too hard
• Wanting a sense of validation — if you’re feeling underappreciated, or want to feel like you’re loved
• Coping with stress (or avoiding something stressful)

What I’d like to invite you to notice is that the strategy to get that need met doesn’t work very well. Sure, you might get a temporary pleasure hit from buying some shoes online or playing your video game … but does it make your life feel easier over the long run? Or more joyful? Often it actually sucks a lot of the enjoyment out of life when things become compulsive.

Or maybe you’re trying to use the impulse habit to relieve stress, but it’s only making your life more stressful, because tasks or bills are piling up and you’re overwhelmed by everything you’ve been putting off. The coping strategy isn’t working.

So imagine that you identify one or more of those kinds of underlying needs … what then? Here’s what I’d suggest:

1. Start to notice when you want to reach for the impulse habit, and pause for a moment to notice the underlying need (wanting a pleasure hit, not wanting to deal with something stressful). Notice how it feels.
2. Remind yourself that the strategy to get that need met isn’t working very well over the long run — in fact, it might be making things worse.
3. Find a new strategy to get that need met in a healthier way. Can you find other comforts that work better, like a hot bath or a hot cup of tea? Can you find other ways to relieve stress, like going for a walk or talking with a friend? Practice it and relieve the need for the impulse habit.

Over time, if you implement this with the first two strategies above, you’ll find your need for the impulse habit (like shopping or games) to decrease over time, miraculously. You can do this.

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